dear friend: please reconsider your use of that slur
icon: "honesty (me, outdoors, gazing straight at the camera with a solemn expression)"
If I gave you this link, please understand that it was motivated by affection and/or respect. I have this conversation over and over, and it takes a lot out of me, so I needed to create a less energy-intense way to communicate about it. If I didn't respect you and/or feel affection for you, I would not risk giving you this link. If I have already talked with you about it*, this is my low-energy way of reminding you (with bonus of allowing bystanders to also learn).
I give this link in response to people using slurs. You probably didn't realize that what you were saying was a slur, or maybe you didn't realize the harm. The most common mistakes I come across are use of the words stupid, lame, crazy, or insane. Usually I put asterisks in these to make it clear that I consider them slurs, but sometimes people can't tell what word I am referring to, so I'm writing them out here for clarity.
TW slurs--------
a full list of the slurs which I may be referring to:
stupid, idiot, dumb (if you mean the physical quality, the term is 'mute' or 'nonverbal'), derp, ermahgerd, duh, crazy, insane, psychotic, wacko, mental, psycho, cray-cray, bitch, douche, pussy, cunt, lame, ghetto, blind or deaf (when used to mean "not paying attention"), gay, retard/ed, nigger, jew or gyp (as in to swindle/cheat), tranny, shemale, cripple, slut, whore, fag/got
------------end TW
Here I explain what is harmful about using these words.
Here I explain why it is still a problem to use slurs even when you are not aiming them at a person.
Here I explain how you are not missing out by avoiding these words: you are becoming a better communicator.
If you read all of this and you still want to feel free to use slurs, please let me know. That is a dealbreaker for me with friendship. I can totally understand it being difficult and I won't hold it against you at all if you make mistakes, but if you have no intention of removing slurs from your communication, you are not a safe person for me and I do not want to invest in you.
*I find it almost impossible to remind people in more direct ways because I empathize so hard with trying and making mistakes and how embarrassing that is. If I give you this link and you have already decided to try not to use slurs, please feel no need to apologize or engage about it, just take it as a reminder. I promise I don't need an apology; I understand that it is a process.
I'm sorry to feel this way but I know from many tries that it will get to me even if I try to block it out. If you want to continue reading you are welcome (my lj is 95% public) but if not I totally understand.
Someone calling me stupid, or implying that I'm an idiot, sends me spiralling into my childhood. The adults in my life were pretty ignorant and assumed I was of below average intelligence because I struggled with numbers. I was dissuaded from following my dreams of being a doctor because, obviously, I wasn't bright enough.
When, at 23, I was diagnosed with dyslexia, I was bitter about the treatment I'd received at the hands of the adults who were supposed to care for and support me. It's an issue I've worked through, but I've still got a huge chip on my shoulder when it comes to being called stupid.
I tell you this to give you a bit of insight that I'd never actively hurl words at someone with the intention of hurting them, I just don't always think things through when I'm venting in my journal.