sabr gave me these two prompts:

March 26: The eve of my most lucrative photography event of the year, the Red Barn Run. Tell me about what you would do for a career if you could do anything?
Anything... well my number one ideal would be to have someone subsidize my life as I went about offering what good I could offer to whoever needed it: relationship counseling, energy cleansing, photography, life coaching, card readings, art, crafty parties, cuddle sessions, intimacy practices (this, actually, I feel would be AMAZING to do five times a week with different groups, me just facilitating as they interacted and learned about each other). I think I would end up doing the world the most good this way. Second best would be to be in a lucrative job working in stats, so that I could donate to the organizations that I feel are making positive difference, and be able to help out friends in need, while working at a job that I like and am good at. Third would be working in research and/or being a professor at a college. I feel like that would be a high-stress job and I might get burnt out, but I could do significant good for a while I think.

March 27: This is Scarlette (my unicorn)'s purchase anniversary. She is the most sacred connection I have on this earth. Tell me about the most prized possession you have.
hm. That's hard to answer! pretty much everything in my sanctuary is deeply important to me. But if I strip it down to "save only one object" I think that would have to be the Tree I made:

( photos )

I wanted to make a home for my tiny Faeries, so I found a perfect old print at a thrift store (I had originally intended to find a canvas that I would paint over entirely but this presented itself!), painted the matting to make it more blended with the actual print (this took several tries), and added two bits of vellum with meaningful phrases. I tore brown paper bags into strips, soaked them in gluey water, twisted and squished them into the shape of a tree, waited forever for it to dry, painted it over with glue to make it sturdy and shiny, and let it dry again, then glued it in place on the framed print. I cut up toilet paper rolls into crescents and painted them (twice), then glued them along the branches, and glued acrylic petals (which I had had for at least 14 years) on with tiny glass marbles in their center. All in all this project took the most time of any single art piece I've ever done. And it came out exactly as I wanted and made a perfect home for my Faeries. It's sacred to me because it was a labor of love for holding magic, it's full of materials that would have otherwise been thrown away, it's kind of a selfportrait, and of course because it is a tree with roots in water.

I was in my old room -- the unfinished one in the basement -- fixing the blinds to the sliding glass door when I found a strange compartment in the ceiling which opened with two screws (into which I stuck my car keys). I very excitedly opened it and started to look through, ( ....... )

I dream so often of this old house... I really should tag it.

I was in my old room -- the unfinished one in the basement -- fixing the blinds to the sliding glass door when I found a strange compartment in the ceiling which opened with two screws (into which I stuck my car keys). I very excitedly opened it and started to look through, ( ....... )

I dream so often of this old house... I really should tag it.

Last night I had this strange and epic dream about faeries, complete with intricate mythology! The two fae (who bore strong resemblance to my plant-fae-sims Kalana and Shayara) and I went about a rescue of a third fae who was enslaved. Ze was trapped even though they have the ability to teleport, because plastic decreases their abilities and there was plastic in the walls/roof of the building. But I had been to the fae-world and so I had some of their powers, and together we were able to break the third one free. Then we had to find a place to sleep to restore our strength before finding a natural lake in which we could create a portal to their world. The portal was created by whirling the water and flying down into the bowl created by the whirlpool, then letting the whirlpool collapse as magic words were said. (how cool is that?)

( In other scenes of the same dream )

( and a really gross dream )

Last night I had this strange and epic dream about faeries, complete with intricate mythology! The two fae (who bore strong resemblance to my plant-fae-sims Kalana and Shayara) and I went about a rescue of a third fae who was enslaved. Ze was trapped even though they have the ability to teleport, because plastic decreases their abilities and there was plastic in the walls/roof of the building. But I had been to the fae-world and so I had some of their powers, and together we were able to break the third one free. Then we had to find a place to sleep to restore our strength before finding a natural lake in which we could create a portal to their world. The portal was created by whirling the water and flying down into the bowl created by the whirlpool, then letting the whirlpool collapse as magic words were said. (how cool is that?)

( In other scenes of the same dream )

( and a really gross dream )

Last night I had this strange and epic dream about faeries, complete with intricate mythology! The two fae (who bore strong resemblance to my plant-fae-sims Kalana and Shayara) and I went about a rescue of a third fae who was enslaved. Ze was trapped even though they have the ability to teleport, because plastic decreases their abilities and there was plastic in the walls/roof of the building. But I had been to the fae-world and so I had some of their powers, and together we were able to break the third one free. Then we had to find a place to sleep to restore our strength before finding a natural lake in which we could create a portal to their world. The portal was created by whirling the water and flying down into the bowl created by the whirlpool, then letting the whirlpool collapse as magic words were said. (how cool is that?)

( In other scenes of the same dream )

( and a really gross dream )

Willow Arlenea
(contemporary)

Willow's art leaves me enchanted and inspired. Her pieces are multilayered with a lot of detail, yet not cluttered, full of color yet not garish, and upliftingly spiritual. Various pieces express my own beliefs in the most incredible way. Rather than writing more here, I'll put in some comments below the pieces that speak to me in ways that can be verbalized.

Please check out the gallery -- definitely worth looking at.



( painted, abstract mild nudity -- probably work safe )

I made a ton of icons from her art a while back -- if you want to check them out, click:

. . .

Willow Arlenea
(contemporary)

Willow's art leaves me enchanted and inspired. Her pieces are multilayered with a lot of detail, yet not cluttered, full of color yet not garish, and upliftingly spiritual. Various pieces express my own beliefs in the most incredible way. Rather than writing more here, I'll put in some comments below the pieces that speak to me in ways that can be verbalized.

Please check out the gallery -- definitely worth looking at.



( painted, abstract mild nudity -- probably work safe )

I made a ton of icons from her art a while back -- if you want to check them out, click:

. . .

Willow Arlenea

Willow's art leaves me enchanted and inspired. Her pieces are multilayered with a lot of detail, yet not cluttered, full of color yet not garish, and upliftingly spiritual. Various pieces express my own beliefs in the most incredible way. Rather than writing more here, I'll put in some comments below the pieces that speak to me in ways that can be verbalized.

Please check out the gallery -- definitely worth looking at.



( painted, abstract mild nudity -- probably work safe )

I made a ton of icons from her art a while back -- if you want to check them out, click:

. . .

Someone (don't know who) sent me a package (to a house where I apparently lived with my mom and lil sis). Inside was a pen which wrote beautifully in rainbow colors, one color flowing at a time. I wrote my name (but I can't remember what it was) and kept on making swirls, fascinated. Then I noticed that each color wasn't just a flat wash of ink -- it was tiny shapes of flowers and vines and other plants. I realized this pen dispensed magic, and I began to put the ink on everything (it was able to spray) -- after I realized it was magic the ink began to flow glitter also. There were little faery figurines laying around (I think I had a huge collection of them) and as I sprayed the magic ink on them they came 'back' alive -- apparently they had been spelled into plastic and pewter. I ran outside and began spraying everything -- plants sprouted blossoms of all kinds of bright colors, things shot to life, everything was saturated in swirly living color and glitter. I started to think it would run out, but then I thought to myself that when it did, the magic would still be in the world, so I continued to spray everything with wild abandon, though I sprayed the faeries lightly instead of saturating them, so that I could make sure each faery came alive.



there is really nothing that can compare to the beauty of that dream... imagine this
as vivid glowing light, dancing in the air, becoming the skin of delighted faeries and vibrant plants,
flowing into water, living and breathing in multidimensional shapes and continuously flowing color,
each tiniest speck of color being alive...

I don't know who all was sending me magic, but DAMN. You did a good job! Every time I think of that dream it uplifts me. (special thanks to Ava, Kevloid, and Spydie whom I know sent magic ♥ (and an ice cream llama, but I'm not so sure about that))

The phone rang and woke me, so I didn't get to find out if the pen did in fact run out. I'll choose to believe that it wouldn't.

Someone (don't know who) sent me a package (to a house where I apparently lived with my mom and lil sis). Inside was a pen which wrote beautifully in rainbow colors, one color flowing at a time. I wrote my name (but I can't remember what it was) and kept on making swirls, fascinated. Then I noticed that each color wasn't just a flat wash of ink -- it was tiny shapes of flowers and vines and other plants. I realized this pen dispensed magic, and I began to put the ink on everything (it was able to spray) -- after I realized it was magic the ink began to flow glitter also. There were little faery figurines laying around (I think I had a huge collection of them) and as I sprayed the magic ink on them they came 'back' alive -- apparently they had been spelled into plastic and pewter. I ran outside and began spraying everything -- plants sprouted blossoms of all kinds of bright colors, things shot to life, everything was saturated in swirly living color and glitter. I started to think it would run out, but then I thought to myself that when it did, the magic would still be in the world, so I continued to spray everything with wild abandon, though I sprayed the faeries lightly instead of saturating them, so that I could make sure each faery came alive.



there is really nothing that can compare to the beauty of that dream... imagine this
as vivid glowing light, dancing in the air, becoming the skin of delighted faeries and vibrant plants,
flowing into water, living and breathing in multidimensional shapes and continuously flowing color,
each tiniest speck of color being alive...

I don't know who all was sending me magic, but DAMN. You did a good job! Every time I think of that dream it uplifts me. (special thanks to Ava, Kevloid, and Spydie whom I know sent magic ♥ (and an ice cream llama, but I'm not so sure about that))

The phone rang and woke me, so I didn't get to find out if the pen did in fact run out. I'll choose to believe that it wouldn't.

Someone (don't know who) sent me a package (to a house where I apparently lived with my mom and lil sis). Inside was a pen which wrote beautifully in rainbow colors, one color flowing at a time. I wrote my name (but I can't remember what it was) and kept on making swirls, fascinated. Then I noticed that each color wasn't just a flat wash of ink -- it was tiny shapes of flowers and vines and other plants. I realized this pen dispensed magic, and I began to put the ink on everything (it was able to spray) -- after I realized it was magic the ink began to flow glitter also. There were little faery figurines laying around (I think I had a huge collection of them) and as I sprayed the magic ink on them they came 'back' alive -- apparently they had been spelled into plastic and pewter. I ran outside and began spraying everything -- plants sprouted blossoms of all kinds of bright colors, things shot to life, everything was saturated in swirly living color and glitter. I started to think it would run out, but then I thought to myself that when it did, the magic would still be in the world, so I continued to spray everything with wild abandon, though I sprayed the faeries lightly instead of saturating them, so that I could make sure each faery came alive.



there is really nothing that can compare to the beauty of that dream... imagine this
as vivid glowing light, dancing in the air, becoming the skin of delighted faeries and vibrant plants,
flowing into water, living and breathing in multidimensional shapes and continuously flowing color,
each tiniest speck of color being alive...

I don't know who all was sending me magic, but DAMN. You did a good job! Every time I think of that dream it uplifts me. (special thanks to Ava, Kevloid, and Spydie whom I know sent magic ♥ (and an ice cream llama, but I'm not so sure about that))

The phone rang and woke me, so I didn't get to find out if the pen did in fact run out. I'll choose to believe that it wouldn't.

belated Happy Birthday to sabr, _paroxysm_, and wrecked_heart! I may have missed saying it, but I saw your names on my little mini-calendar and thought of you all day. *lovelove*

I've been strange lately! waking up at 5am and then falling asleep about 12 hours later! My waking cycle is usually at least 18 hours, not 12. I have no idea why I've been so drained... bleh! but anyway. The penii rant is almost finished & will be posted soon *giggles* thanks to everyone who voted! I was excited to see who was most interested in what.

Last night I dreamed that I met two faeries, one who was about my height, without wings, and had skin that was like mine but opalescent, and a small blue-skinned blue-haired one, about knee height, who had wings and glowed blue with sparkles. The glow had defined edges, it wasn't like the glow of a lamp. The taller one gave me a glowing seed of a tree to plant and the smaller one came along with me to help me plant the seed. We were in Ben's parent's neighborhood (sorta) and one of the houses had a tree that I wanted to show to the faery, so we walked into their side yard. The tree was huuuge, much taller than the house, and some of the branches were partly hollow, with an open-weave side. I was very excited because the faery could live there, and she'd be much closer to my house (which was also in the neighborhood) and the larger faery could live there too. So she climbed it and looked around, also very excited, because it would be a really good home tree. I looked into the house and saw this red-headed girl messing with the fire in the fireplace. She looked like she was amused by something, in a kind of sardonic way. I felt like that was a good sign, and we decided to leave. When we got to the road the tall faery was with us again, and as we were walking by, this really old nasty cranky guy came out of the house and told us that we "better not come back and mess with [his] property anymore." (there was a girl and boy peeking past him at us as he stood in the doorway) I got very angry, but noticing a 'for sale' sign in the yard, I restrained myself and bent over to whisper to the blue faery that it doesn't matter because he's moving soon anyway. He shouldn't have been able to hear me but somehow did and said "oh really? it doesn't matter because we're moving out soon?" and I turned and furiously screamed at him to "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" and then we kept on walking. Then we were suddenly in a car, going up the hill, and at the top of the hill we stopped, and started taking stuff out of the car. Some friends had come to meet us and they asked "why are you upset?" so I started telling them the story, and then Ben woke me up.

hm, this has turned into a very dreamy journal lately... I had thought of making a dream journal, but I like seeing where the dreams fit in my life. These recent ones have all had very strong significance, so I haven't lj-cut them, but I may if this keeps up. This is the fourth dream involving trees ♥ and I feel like I am learning something, though I haven't figured out what yet.

belated Happy Birthday to sabr, _paroxysm_, and wrecked_heart! I may have missed saying it, but I saw your names on my little mini-calendar and thought of you all day. *lovelove*

I've been strange lately! waking up at 5am and then falling asleep about 12 hours later! My waking cycle is usually at least 18 hours, not 12. I have no idea why I've been so drained... bleh! but anyway. The penii rant is almost finished & will be posted soon *giggles* thanks to everyone who voted! I was excited to see who was most interested in what.

Last night I dreamed that I met two faeries, one who was about my height, without wings, and had skin that was like mine but opalescent, and a small blue-skinned blue-haired one, about knee height, who had wings and glowed blue with sparkles. The glow had defined edges, it wasn't like the glow of a lamp. The taller one gave me a glowing seed of a tree to plant and the smaller one came along with me to help me plant the seed. We were in Ben's parent's neighborhood (sorta) and one of the houses had a tree that I wanted to show to the faery, so we walked into their side yard. The tree was huuuge, much taller than the house, and some of the branches were partly hollow, with an open-weave side. I was very excited because the faery could live there, and she'd be much closer to my house (which was also in the neighborhood) and the larger faery could live there too. So she climbed it and looked around, also very excited, because it would be a really good home tree. I looked into the house and saw this red-headed girl messing with the fire in the fireplace. She looked like she was amused by something, in a kind of sardonic way. I felt like that was a good sign, and we decided to leave. When we got to the road the tall faery was with us again, and as we were walking by, this really old nasty cranky guy came out of the house and told us that we "better not come back and mess with [his] property anymore." (there was a girl and boy peeking past him at us as he stood in the doorway) I got very angry, but noticing a 'for sale' sign in the yard, I restrained myself and bent over to whisper to the blue faery that it doesn't matter because he's moving soon anyway. He shouldn't have been able to hear me but somehow did and said "oh really? it doesn't matter because we're moving out soon?" and I turned and furiously screamed at him to "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" and then we kept on walking. Then we were suddenly in a car, going up the hill, and at the top of the hill we stopped, and started taking stuff out of the car. Some friends had come to meet us and they asked "why are you upset?" so I started telling them the story, and then Ben woke me up.

hm, this has turned into a very dreamy journal lately... I had thought of making a dream journal, but I like seeing where the dreams fit in my life. These recent ones have all had very strong significance, so I haven't lj-cut them, but I may if this keeps up. This is the fourth dream involving trees ♥ and I feel like I am learning something, though I haven't figured out what yet.

belated Happy Birthday to sabr, _paroxysm_, and wrecked_heart! I may have missed saying it, but I saw your names on my little mini-calendar and thought of you all day. *lovelove*

I've been strange lately! waking up at 5am and then falling asleep about 12 hours later! My waking cycle is usually at least 18 hours, not 12. I have no idea why I've been so drained... bleh! but anyway. The penii rant is almost finished & will be posted soon *giggles* thanks to everyone who voted! I was excited to see who was most interested in what.

Last night I dreamed that I met two faeries, one who was about my height, without wings, and had skin that was like mine but opalescent, and a small blue-skinned blue-haired one, about knee height, who had wings and glowed blue with sparkles. The glow had defined edges, it wasn't like the glow of a lamp. The taller one gave me a glowing seed of a tree to plant and the smaller one came along with me to help me plant the seed. We were in Ben's parent's neighborhood (sorta) and one of the houses had a tree that I wanted to show to the faery, so we walked into their side yard. The tree was huuuge, much taller than the house, and some of the branches were partly hollow, with an open-weave side. I was very excited because the faery could live there, and she'd be much closer to my house (which was also in the neighborhood) and the larger faery could live there too. So she climbed it and looked around, also very excited, because it would be a really good home tree. I looked into the house and saw this red-headed girl messing with the fire in the fireplace. She looked like she was amused by something, in a kind of sardonic way. I felt like that was a good sign, and we decided to leave. When we got to the road the tall faery was with us again, and as we were walking by, this really old nasty cranky guy came out of the house and told us that we "better not come back and mess with [his] property anymore." (there was a girl and boy peeking past him at us as he stood in the doorway) I got very angry, but noticing a 'for sale' sign in the yard, I restrained myself and bent over to whisper to the blue faery that it doesn't matter because he's moving soon anyway. He shouldn't have been able to hear me but somehow did and said "oh really? it doesn't matter because we're moving out soon?" and I turned and furiously screamed at him to "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" and then we kept on walking. Then we were suddenly in a car, going up the hill, and at the top of the hill we stopped, and started taking stuff out of the car. Some friends had come to meet us and they asked "why are you upset?" so I started telling them the story, and then Ben woke me up.

hm, this has turned into a very dreamy journal lately... I had thought of making a dream journal, but I like seeing where the dreams fit in my life. These recent ones have all had very strong significance, so I haven't lj-cut them, but I may if this keeps up. This is the fourth dream involving trees ♥ and I feel like I am learning something, though I haven't figured out what yet.

I was at a house with wooden walls and wood floors, waiting for my two friends to show up. They came in, a guy and a girl, both thick and strong-looking (neither looked like anyone I know). We talked a little, happy and loud, and then the guy vaulted over the back of the couch and went in the kitchen. As he did so, I very clearly SAW (rather than merely sensed) his spirit in balls of color, vertically (kinda like chakra stuff, but there were only three, I think) and then once he was in the kitchen, I saw three wolf-spirits run after him and circle around him, joyfully jumping around because he was happy. (they weren't full size, they were in proportion to the balls of light rather than his body) I was so incredibly thrilled and honored to see that, and see it SO CLEARLY (their forms were translucent but much sharper than everything else). So I told them both about it, thinking they would be excited, and the girl looked at me strangely and the guy looked blank and neither said anything. And I was like, "what? don't you believe me? and the girl said, "Well, wolves don't circle, so you must be wrong." And I said, "well maybe they usually don't, but those three just DID because I saw them!" And she started getting offended that I would question her because she knew tons about wolves, and I was sooooo upset that she didn't believe me, and I cried so hard I woke myself up, and after I was awake the feeling stayed with me and I kept crying.

as I was typing this up, I realized that at the time that I told my parents something that I completely believed and they told me I must be imagining things, I might have seen something spiritual and interpreted it as physical because I was too young to see a difference. That would make sense, because I vaguely remember being CERTAIN that I had seen something -- faeries I think? or a unicorn? and telling my parents, and being the literal people they are, they would have tried to beat it into my head that it was just imagination because after all, faeries don't exist. At least in the physical world, and that's the real world, right? And the tragic thing is, if that did happen, I think I would have blocked off my own ability to see spiritual things because they 'weren't real.'

and the dream was SO REAL that I feel like I actually have had the experience of seeing spirit colors and shapes. and I think it meant something more, too, I think it's about my fears of expressing spiritual things because people might interpret them in very literal ways. And I think it was wolves because I've been thinking about them a lot... and I've been thinking about spirit shapes and animal totems, all in a subconscious not-yet-expressible way. Tomorrow I get to see lovely Kazi and SabR ♥ and I want to talk to them about all this because I think they understand things about this that I don't yet.

and for the 80millionth time, I wish I had a Native American Shaman or teacher to teach me. Or if I could just take a class on Native American spirituality or something... I may not have the bloodlines, but I was born here and so were my parents and their parents, and they all loved this land, and that makes this land, and her spirit, a vital part of me.

I was at a house with wooden walls and wood floors, waiting for my two friends to show up. They came in, a guy and a girl, both thick and strong-looking (neither looked like anyone I know). We talked a little, happy and loud, and then the guy vaulted over the back of the couch and went in the kitchen. As he did so, I very clearly SAW (rather than merely sensed) his spirit in balls of color, vertically (kinda like chakra stuff, but there were only three, I think) and then once he was in the kitchen, I saw three wolf-spirits run after him and circle around him, joyfully jumping around because he was happy. (they weren't full size, they were in proportion to the balls of light rather than his body) I was so incredibly thrilled and honored to see that, and see it SO CLEARLY (their forms were translucent but much sharper than everything else). So I told them both about it, thinking they would be excited, and the girl looked at me strangely and the guy looked blank and neither said anything. And I was like, "what? don't you believe me? and the girl said, "Well, wolves don't circle, so you must be wrong." And I said, "well maybe they usually don't, but those three just DID because I saw them!" And she started getting offended that I would question her because she knew tons about wolves, and I was sooooo upset that she didn't believe me, and I cried so hard I woke myself up, and after I was awake the feeling stayed with me and I kept crying.

as I was typing this up, I realized that at the time that I told my parents something that I completely believed and they told me I must be imagining things, I might have seen something spiritual and interpreted it as physical because I was too young to see a difference. That would make sense, because I vaguely remember being CERTAIN that I had seen something -- faeries I think? or a unicorn? and telling my parents, and being the literal people they are, they would have tried to beat it into my head that it was just imagination because after all, faeries don't exist. At least in the physical world, and that's the real world, right? And the tragic thing is, if that did happen, I think I would have blocked off my own ability to see spiritual things because they 'weren't real.'

and the dream was SO REAL that I feel like I actually have had the experience of seeing spirit colors and shapes. and I think it meant something more, too, I think it's about my fears of expressing spiritual things because people might interpret them in very literal ways. And I think it was wolves because I've been thinking about them a lot... and I've been thinking about spirit shapes and animal totems, all in a subconscious not-yet-expressible way. Tomorrow I get to see lovely Kazi and SabR ♥ and I want to talk to them about all this because I think they understand things about this that I don't yet.

and for the 80millionth time, I wish I had a Native American Shaman or teacher to teach me. Or if I could just take a class on Native American spirituality or something... I may not have the bloodlines, but I was born here and so were my parents and their parents, and they all loved this land, and that makes this land, and her spirit, a vital part of me.

I was at a house with wooden walls and wood floors, waiting for my two friends to show up. They came in, a guy and a girl, both thick and strong-looking (neither looked like anyone I know). We talked a little, happy and loud, and then the guy vaulted over the back of the couch and went in the kitchen. As he did so, I very clearly SAW (rather than merely sensed) his spirit in balls of color, vertically (kinda like chakra stuff, but there were only three, I think) and then once he was in the kitchen, I saw three wolf-spirits run after him and circle around him, joyfully jumping around because he was happy. (they weren't full size, they were in proportion to the balls of light rather than his body) I was so incredibly thrilled and honored to see that, and see it SO CLEARLY (their forms were translucent but much sharper than everything else). So I told them both about it, thinking they would be excited, and the girl looked at me strangely and the guy looked blank and neither said anything. And I was like, "what? don't you believe me? and the girl said, "Well, wolves don't circle, so you must be wrong." And I said, "well maybe they usually don't, but those three just DID because I saw them!" And she started getting offended that I would question her because she knew tons about wolves, and I was sooooo upset that she didn't believe me, and I cried so hard I woke myself up, and after I was awake the feeling stayed with me and I kept crying.

as I was typing this up, I realized that at the time that I told my parents something that I completely believed and they told me I must be imagining things, I might have seen something spiritual and interpreted it as physical because I was too young to see a difference. That would make sense, because I vaguely remember being CERTAIN that I had seen something -- faeries I think? or a unicorn? and telling my parents, and being the literal people they are, they would have tried to beat it into my head that it was just imagination because after all, faeries don't exist. At least in the physical world, and that's the real world, right? And the tragic thing is, if that did happen, I think I would have blocked off my own ability to see spiritual things because they 'weren't real.'

and the dream was SO REAL that I feel like I actually have had the experience of seeing spirit colors and shapes. and I think it meant something more, too, I think it's about my fears of expressing spiritual things because people might interpret them in very literal ways. And I think it was wolves because I've been thinking about them a lot... and I've been thinking about spirit shapes and animal totems, all in a subconscious not-yet-expressible way. Tomorrow I get to see lovely Kazi and SabR ♥ and I want to talk to them about all this because I think they understand things about this that I don't yet.

and for the 80millionth time, I wish I had a Native American Shaman or teacher to teach me. Or if I could just take a class on Native American spirituality or something... I may not have the bloodlines, but I was born here and so were my parents and their parents, and they all loved this land, and that makes this land, and her spirit, a vital part of me.

and now a mega-belated appreciation post! in random order because I don't remember whose arrived when:

( gorgeous purple silk shoulder bag with shimmery embroidered flowers )

valynn send me this utterly gorgeous bag. It's impossible to photograph correctly, but it's sooooooo beautiful. I immediately started using it when I got it, and I smile and think of Valynn every time I use it. Oh! And she sent it in a purple envelope! ;-D Thank you soooooo much Valynn, it was so very thoughtful. ♥

( Heather Nova CD from Nisha! )

invisibleglue sent me this CD, and I promptly listened to the entire thing (re-listening right now). It's more folksy than I usually like, but I really like Heather's voice and turn of phrase (I will be your misfit queen) and I feel just honored that Nisha shared her with me. ♥

( 2 lovely bookmarks, a sparkly dragonfly pin, and a purple etched shell )

darkpool send me these two bookmarks (which I had to take out of my two current reads to photograph) which are both so beautiful and so me. The spring green of the butterfly one is a color that means a lot to me, and the celestial patterns of the other one are just so intricate, and appeal to my love of night. The dragonfly is elegant and stylized without losing it's fierceness, and the shell just holds so much mystery to me. Anything oceanic calls to me... I used to daydream of being able to breathe underwater, living in the ocean. Thank you so much for all the thought and love you put into this present, Kyra. ♥

( a thick book and artwork from Kate! )

clown_frog blew. me. away. with this amazing Christmas/birthday present. That portrait of me? She painted it. Yeah! And then sent me the original (it's miniature, about 4x5 inches or 10x13cm) The original!!!! The colors are actually more vivid, but I had to take a photo since I don't yet have a working scanner. What really gets me are the eyes... she captured the true color of my eyes without ever seeing them in person. I love this painting so much, I think it is my most treasured material possession. AND she sent a thick book (which I have not yet read because I am simply glutted with reading material lately, I'm in the middle of about 6 books right now) ANDANDAND!!!!! She made a video of herself telling me happy birthday and talking a little and OMG she is so darn cute and I feel soooooooooooooooo special because she's so shy that that was quite a gift! *hugs the floppy* Kate, you are an absolute darling and I adore you! ♥ ♥ ♥ I so can't wait to meet you. ;-)

( a shower of presents from my hannah-love! )

shmee_ put so much positivity into this package. ;-) The butterfly in the middle was wound up inside the card and flew out, showering me with glitter, when I opened it! I shrieked and then giggled delightedly, of course. And stickers and a gorgeous faery card (filled with glitter and confetti of course) and a fae promise, and the beautiful journal filled with hannah-energy and embossed with a silver dragonfly, which is sort of the 'totem' (forgive me if I misuse the word) of both of us. I am intimidated by that journal though, because it is just so special that I can't bring myself to mark in it... but I will. It meant a lot to hannah and she chose to give it to me, which I view as a very sweet sacrifice which I will not waste. (and dammit I forgot to include the awesome bracelet hannah made me! I will have to photograph it soon)
( the garnet-winged fae and faery box )

But my favorite of her gifts is the faery pendant. ♥ hannah has one just like it, which makes me feel connected to her every time I wear my fae. I named her Shylana, and I wear her on a silver chain that drops her right above my heart. I wear her on days when I need to feel connected and strong and full of feminine creative magic. (red is, to me, the color of female power) She made the long trip from Belgium to Georgia in the little green box with a glow-in-the-dark fae on the top. I told hannah of my fascination with glow-in-the-dark things and she remembered and found this little treasure for me. ♥ ♥ ♥ hannah, you shine such a light in my life. ♥

( my updated postcard wall -- no longer all stiff and ordered! with Kate's painting framed in the center )

although it's already outdated because I got Nisha's lovely postcard today (thank you lovely!), but my 'rechargable' (hah!) batteries are teh dead so I shall have to take another pic soon. I still have the dreamcatcher Anika made me hanging in my corner... it speaks of love and generosity to me. The friendship may be over, but I no longer feel any anguish over that, and all the good is still cherished in my heart. (I did take the postcard down though -- that one from her city is from someone else. I have limited postcard space and some of you *looks out sternly* still owe me postcards!)
( my desk with all its reminders of love )

I feel like I'm forgetting something important... if you sent me something and I didn't mention it, I know it meant a lot to me but my brain is quite scrambled right now.

and now a mega-belated appreciation post! in random order because I don't remember whose arrived when:

( gorgeous purple silk shoulder bag with shimmery embroidered flowers )

valynn send me this utterly gorgeous bag. It's impossible to photograph correctly, but it's sooooooo beautiful. I immediately started using it when I got it, and I smile and think of Valynn every time I use it. Oh! And she sent it in a purple envelope! ;-D Thank you soooooo much Valynn, it was so very thoughtful. ♥

( Heather Nova CD from Nisha! )

invisibleglue sent me this CD, and I promptly listened to the entire thing (re-listening right now). It's more folksy than I usually like, but I really like Heather's voice and turn of phrase (I will be your misfit queen) and I feel just honored that Nisha shared her with me. ♥

( 2 lovely bookmarks, a sparkly dragonfly pin, and a purple etched shell )

darkpool send me these two bookmarks (which I had to take out of my two current reads to photograph) which are both so beautiful and so me. The spring green of the butterfly one is a color that means a lot to me, and the celestial patterns of the other one are just so intricate, and appeal to my love of night. The dragonfly is elegant and stylized without losing it's fierceness, and the shell just holds so much mystery to me. Anything oceanic calls to me... I used to daydream of being able to breathe underwater, living in the ocean. Thank you so much for all the thought and love you put into this present, Kyra. ♥

( a thick book and artwork from Kate! )

clown_frog blew. me. away. with this amazing Christmas/birthday present. That portrait of me? She painted it. Yeah! And then sent me the original (it's miniature, about 4x5 inches or 10x13cm) The original!!!! The colors are actually more vivid, but I had to take a photo since I don't yet have a working scanner. What really gets me are the eyes... she captured the true color of my eyes without ever seeing them in person. I love this painting so much, I think it is my most treasured material possession. AND she sent a thick book (which I have not yet read because I am simply glutted with reading material lately, I'm in the middle of about 6 books right now) ANDANDAND!!!!! She made a video of herself telling me happy birthday and talking a little and OMG she is so darn cute and I feel soooooooooooooooo special because she's so shy that that was quite a gift! *hugs the floppy* Kate, you are an absolute darling and I adore you! ♥ ♥ ♥ I so can't wait to meet you. ;-)

( a shower of presents from my hannah-love! )

shmee_ put so much positivity into this package. ;-) The butterfly in the middle was wound up inside the card and flew out, showering me with glitter, when I opened it! I shrieked and then giggled delightedly, of course. And stickers and a gorgeous faery card (filled with glitter and confetti of course) and a fae promise, and the beautiful journal filled with hannah-energy and embossed with a silver dragonfly, which is sort of the 'totem' (forgive me if I misuse the word) of both of us. I am intimidated by that journal though, because it is just so special that I can't bring myself to mark in it... but I will. It meant a lot to hannah and she chose to give it to me, which I view as a very sweet sacrifice which I will not waste. (and dammit I forgot to include the awesome bracelet hannah made me! I will have to photograph it soon)
( the garnet-winged fae and faery box )

But my favorite of her gifts is the faery pendant. ♥ hannah has one just like it, which makes me feel connected to her every time I wear my fae. I named her Shylana, and I wear her on a silver chain that drops her right above my heart. I wear her on days when I need to feel connected and strong and full of feminine creative magic. (red is, to me, the color of female power) She made the long trip from Belgium to Georgia in the little green box with a glow-in-the-dark fae on the top. I told hannah of my fascination with glow-in-the-dark things and she remembered and found this little treasure for me. ♥ ♥ ♥ hannah, you shine such a light in my life. ♥

( my updated postcard wall -- no longer all stiff and ordered! with Kate's painting framed in the center )

although it's already outdated because I got Nisha's lovely postcard today (thank you lovely!), but my 'rechargable' (hah!) batteries are teh dead so I shall have to take another pic soon. I still have the dreamcatcher Anika made me hanging in my corner... it speaks of love and generosity to me. The friendship may be over, but I no longer feel any anguish over that, and all the good is still cherished in my heart. (I did take the postcard down though -- that one from her city is from someone else. I have limited postcard space and some of you *looks out sternly* still owe me postcards!)
( my desk with all its reminders of love )

I feel like I'm forgetting something important... if you sent me something and I didn't mention it, I know it meant a lot to me but my brain is quite scrambled right now.

and now a mega-belated appreciation post! in random order because I don't remember whose arrived when:

( gorgeous purple silk shoulder bag with shimmery embroidered flowers )

valynn send me this utterly gorgeous bag. It's impossible to photograph correctly, but it's sooooooo beautiful. I immediately started using it when I got it, and I smile and think of Valynn every time I use it. Oh! And she sent it in a purple envelope! ;-D Thank you soooooo much Valynn, it was so very thoughtful. ♥

( Heather Nova CD from Nisha! )

invisibleglue sent me this CD, and I promptly listened to the entire thing (re-listening right now). It's more folksy than I usually like, but I really like Heather's voice and turn of phrase (I will be your misfit queen) and I feel just honored that Nisha shared her with me. ♥

( 2 lovely bookmarks, a sparkly dragonfly pin, and a purple etched shell )

darkpool send me these two bookmarks (which I had to take out of my two current reads to photograph) which are both so beautiful and so me. The spring green of the butterfly one is a color that means a lot to me, and the celestial patterns of the other one are just so intricate, and appeal to my love of night. The dragonfly is elegant and stylized without losing it's fierceness, and the shell just holds so much mystery to me. Anything oceanic calls to me... I used to daydream of being able to breathe underwater, living in the ocean. Thank you so much for all the thought and love you put into this present, Kyra. ♥

( a thick book and artwork from Kate! )

clown_frog blew. me. away. with this amazing Christmas/birthday present. That portrait of me? She painted it. Yeah! And then sent me the original (it's miniature, about 4x5 inches or 10x13cm) The original!!!! The colors are actually more vivid, but I had to take a photo since I don't yet have a working scanner. What really gets me are the eyes... she captured the true color of my eyes without ever seeing them in person. I love this painting so much, I think it is my most treasured material possession. AND she sent a thick book (which I have not yet read because I am simply glutted with reading material lately, I'm in the middle of about 6 books right now) ANDANDAND!!!!! She made a video of herself telling me happy birthday and talking a little and OMG she is so darn cute and I feel soooooooooooooooo special because she's so shy that that was quite a gift! *hugs the floppy* Kate, you are an absolute darling and I adore you! ♥ ♥ ♥ I so can't wait to meet you. ;-)

( a shower of presents from my hannah-love! )

shmee_ put so much positivity into this package. ;-) The butterfly in the middle was wound up inside the card and flew out, showering me with glitter, when I opened it! I shrieked and then giggled delightedly, of course. And stickers and a gorgeous faery card (filled with glitter and confetti of course) and a fae promise, and the beautiful journal filled with hannah-energy and embossed with a silver dragonfly, which is sort of the 'totem' (forgive me if I misuse the word) of both of us. I am intimidated by that journal though, because it is just so special that I can't bring myself to mark in it... but I will. It meant a lot to hannah and she chose to give it to me, which I view as a very sweet sacrifice which I will not waste. (and dammit I forgot to include the awesome bracelet hannah made me! I will have to photograph it soon)
( the garnet-winged fae and faery box )

But my favorite of her gifts is the faery pendant. ♥ hannah has one just like it, which makes me feel connected to her every time I wear my fae. I named her Shylana, and I wear her on a silver chain that drops her right above my heart. I wear her on days when I need to feel connected and strong and full of feminine creative magic. (red is, to me, the color of female power) She made the long trip from Belgium to Georgia in the little green box with a glow-in-the-dark fae on the top. I told hannah of my fascination with glow-in-the-dark things and she remembered and found this little treasure for me. ♥ ♥ ♥ hannah, you shine such a light in my life. ♥

( my updated postcard wall -- no longer all stiff and ordered! with Kate's painting framed in the center )

although it's already outdated because I got Nisha's lovely postcard today (thank you lovely!), but my 'rechargable' (hah!) batteries are teh dead so I shall have to take another pic soon. I still have the dreamcatcher Anika made me hanging in my corner... it speaks of love and generosity to me. The friendship may be over, but I no longer feel any anguish over that, and all the good is still cherished in my heart. (I did take the postcard down though -- that one from her city is from someone else. I have limited postcard space and some of you *looks out sternly* still owe me postcards!)
( my desk with all its reminders of love )

I feel like I'm forgetting something important... if you sent me something and I didn't mention it, I know it meant a lot to me but my brain is quite scrambled right now.

At first I was on the end of a peninsula-like cliff, feeling a sweet intensity of spirit. There were odd dwellings, very airy, waving in the wind, connected to trees and not touching the ground. The ground was soft and mostly free of leaves, as if carefully kept. The earth looked beautiful to me, the dirt almost yummy, very nourishing. I remembered catching a glimpse of lithe, ethereal people wearing floating rainbow-colored clothing, and I wanted to be able to meet them, so I was waiting for them to come back. I climbed a tree (feeling the bark as a living thing) to better be able to see them coming, and Ben (who was waiting below) called up to me not to hide from them, which irritated me because I wasn't hiding, hiding from them would be pointless anyway, and where I was would be more obvious to them than being on the ground. But really, he was nervous about me hanging out over the gorge (uncharacteristically I was unafraid of falling) so I came down to make him feel better. I was praying the whole time that the windpeople were real and that I would be able to meet them...

We knew they wouldn't be back until sundown, so Ben suggested we go for a walk. My lil sis was with us, and we walked down the gently sloping end of the peninsula. Just a few steps away there was a cow farm (which perplexed me, because how could people be so close and have no idea about the windpeople?) and we walked through on a sidewalk, right through a corral where at least 20 cows were giving birth, with people around to make sure everything went okay. I started getting freaked out, and we started hurrying, but lil sis slipped (on blood, but I made sure she didn't realize that) and hurt her leg. I asked her if she could walk and she said no, so I carried her for a few steps and then had her try to walk again, and she felt fine, so we ran the rest of the way out. After we got out and closed the gate behind us, and walked forward on a forest path again. Fireworks started going off and people started screaming in celebration, and I held on to Ben with one hand and lil sis with the other, and just screamed and screamed and screamed with my eyes closed (the applauding kind of scream that you do at concerts). Finally I opened my eyes again and Ben was gone. Lil sis stood there with a photo of some dried flowers that Ben had given me a long time ago, and said that he left. I didn't understand how I could have missed him leaving when I was clinging to his arm the whole time. I was so confused and worried that I woke up and never got to go back and see if the windpeople were there.

and that is STILL really bothering me. I want the windpeople to be real.

At first I was on the end of a peninsula-like cliff, feeling a sweet intensity of spirit. There were odd dwellings, very airy, waving in the wind, connected to trees and not touching the ground. The ground was soft and mostly free of leaves, as if carefully kept. The earth looked beautiful to me, the dirt almost yummy, very nourishing. I remembered catching a glimpse of lithe, ethereal people wearing floating rainbow-colored clothing, and I wanted to be able to meet them, so I was waiting for them to come back. I climbed a tree (feeling the bark as a living thing) to better be able to see them coming, and Ben (who was waiting below) called up to me not to hide from them, which irritated me because I wasn't hiding, hiding from them would be pointless anyway, and where I was would be more obvious to them than being on the ground. But really, he was nervous about me hanging out over the gorge (uncharacteristically I was unafraid of falling) so I came down to make him feel better. I was praying the whole time that the windpeople were real and that I would be able to meet them...

We knew they wouldn't be back until sundown, so Ben suggested we go for a walk. My lil sis was with us, and we walked down the gently sloping end of the peninsula. Just a few steps away there was a cow farm (which perplexed me, because how could people be so close and have no idea about the windpeople?) and we walked through on a sidewalk, right through a corral where at least 20 cows were giving birth, with people around to make sure everything went okay. I started getting freaked out, and we started hurrying, but lil sis slipped (on blood, but I made sure she didn't realize that) and hurt her leg. I asked her if she could walk and she said no, so I carried her for a few steps and then had her try to walk again, and she felt fine, so we ran the rest of the way out. After we got out and closed the gate behind us, and walked forward on a forest path again. Fireworks started going off and people started screaming in celebration, and I held on to Ben with one hand and lil sis with the other, and just screamed and screamed and screamed with my eyes closed (the applauding kind of scream that you do at concerts). Finally I opened my eyes again and Ben was gone. Lil sis stood there with a photo of some dried flowers that Ben had given me a long time ago, and said that he left. I didn't understand how I could have missed him leaving when I was clinging to his arm the whole time. I was so confused and worried that I woke up and never got to go back and see if the windpeople were there.

and that is STILL really bothering me. I want the windpeople to be real.

At first I was on the end of a peninsula-like cliff, feeling a sweet intensity of spirit. There were odd dwellings, very airy, waving in the wind, connected to trees and not touching the ground. The ground was soft and mostly free of leaves, as if carefully kept. The earth looked beautiful to me, the dirt almost yummy, very nourishing. I remembered catching a glimpse of lithe, ethereal people wearing floating rainbow-colored clothing, and I wanted to be able to meet them, so I was waiting for them to come back. I climbed a tree (feeling the bark as a living thing) to better be able to see them coming, and Ben (who was waiting below) called up to me not to hide from them, which irritated me because I wasn't hiding, hiding from them would be pointless anyway, and where I was would be more obvious to them than being on the ground. But really, he was nervous about me hanging out over the gorge (uncharacteristically I was unafraid of falling) so I came down to make him feel better. I was praying the whole time that the windpeople were real and that I would be able to meet them...

We knew they wouldn't be back until sundown, so Ben suggested we go for a walk. My lil sis was with us, and we walked down the gently sloping end of the peninsula. Just a few steps away there was a cow farm (which perplexed me, because how could people be so close and have no idea about the windpeople?) and we walked through on a sidewalk, right through a corral where at least 20 cows were giving birth, with people around to make sure everything went okay. I started getting freaked out, and we started hurrying, but lil sis slipped (on blood, but I made sure she didn't realize that) and hurt her leg. I asked her if she could walk and she said no, so I carried her for a few steps and then had her try to walk again, and she felt fine, so we ran the rest of the way out. After we got out and closed the gate behind us, and walked forward on a forest path again. Fireworks started going off and people started screaming in celebration, and I held on to Ben with one hand and lil sis with the other, and just screamed and screamed and screamed with my eyes closed (the applauding kind of scream that you do at concerts). Finally I opened my eyes again and Ben was gone. Lil sis stood there with a photo of some dried flowers that Ben had given me a long time ago, and said that he left. I didn't understand how I could have missed him leaving when I was clinging to his arm the whole time. I was so confused and worried that I woke up and never got to go back and see if the windpeople were there.

and that is STILL really bothering me. I want the windpeople to be real.