Livejournal: this is my favorite method of communication. It makes me feel no pressure; other people can respond to someone's post and so when I fail to respond it doesn't get taken as a personal slight, so I can have access without the potential for guilt. I can respond whenever I like without worrying that it is the wrong time of day or that it has been too long since the thought was shared. I also prefer to have people read my journal to learn me, more than any other method, because the quality and accuracy of my sharing is a lot better in words I have typed. I feel that people don't really know me if they don't read my journal. It's a kind of intimacy I need because it's the only kind of sharing that doesn't get trapped in my ADD and end up draining as much as it nourishes. I feel loved when someone reads my journal, when they comment, when they write in their own journal and I can read it, and when they reply to my comments in their journal. All of these build on each other and so LJ is a huge source of love and connection for me. I also feel loved by myself when I write, which is deeply important for my well-being.

Face to face: second favorite, because I can read people's energy and I can feel connected in an immediate and easy-to monitor kind of way. I can feel relaxed that I am not upsetting people because if I was, I would see it happening (most of the time). I can feel assured that they care because of their body language. The drawbacks to this is that if I am sharing something that is difficult to put into words, there are lots of pauses and stares into middle distance and wait-back-ups and I feel frustrated with it so I imagine that the other person will too. It is also more work because I feel the need to monitor every reaction, and because I have to work hard to keep up most of the time (ADD makes my brain want to go in five directions with every sentence and in-person conversation is like trying to keep a puppy walking in a straight line on the sidewalk. In writing it's like trying to get a puppy to walk a straight line down a tube: much easier because of far fewer distractions. (I probably would enjoy conversations more with a notepad and pen, now that I think of it. (because in-person all of these parentheticals have to not exist. (I wonder if you could find the ADD people on LJ by sheer number of parentheticals)))) So, in person is highly nourishing but also draining. A shared activity and/or cuddles help, because the shared activity makes it easier to focus, and the cuddles make it more nourishing, so it balances better.

Texting: third favorite, because (with most people) I don't feel obligated to respond immediately or at a certain time of day. I have a neat little list in my phone that makes it not so hard to remember to reply. This isn't super nourishing to me most of the time, but it also usually doesn't take much work, so it balances out. It does make me feel nourished when I have a good texting relationship with someone, where we randomly inform each other of things happening throughout the day (had that with Kylei at one point and currently have it with Topaz: we text each other approximately 30 times a day (each)), but I don't know if that would work with more than one person at a time, or with people who don't have similar texting habits.

Email/messaging: I enjoy email; it gives me a similar feeling to LJ, but it's fourth on my list because people almost always expect a response and it is VERY easy for emails to get buried and forgotten. I've been trying to weed out unnecessary notifications and subscriptions but I still get shittons of emails every day. I start feeling guilty VERY fast if I don't respond so I have a lot of anxiety around emails. Highly nourishing (if it's a long conversation) and highly stressful. Note: I VASTLY prefer people to email me rather than send me messages on FB/LJ/etc, because messages get lost and I can't search them.

Gtalk/Skype/Hangouts: I like these equally for different reasons. Skype gives me the facial expressions and nonverbal sounds that make me feel connected and understanding, but gtalk gives me a log I can reread and use as external memory. This needs to be scheduled, because I do not feel able to disconnect randomly and therefore I need to make sure I don't have something else I have to do. Also I have to be home because I don't generally take my laptop out of the house.

Facebook/twitter/tumblr/etc: I enjoy interacting with people in these places but it's not a priority for me. I watch a lot of people on all those places and so I can't keep up with everything. Occasionally I'll be curious about a friend and go read all of their recent stuff, but it's totally random. However, I have a small handful of people on facebook whose stuff I watch more carefully: they're either LJers or people I wish would LJ.

Phonetalking: I do not like this unless it is scheduled. The only exception is when someone is in crisis or there is a time-sensitive matter to be discussed. I will not answer the phone if you call me randomly, unless you text first and explain that you are in crisis or there's a time-sensitive matter. Not only do I get very low signal when I am at home, I can't do anything else while I'm on the phone so I need to be in a place where I don't feel the pressure of things to do or it will just build anxiety. When I schedule phone-talks I have to be out of the house. It is EXTREMELY frustrating to me when a call drops: I usually exclaim loudly with anger the first time and if it happens again in the same conversation I literally shout with rage (unless I am in public).

Letters: I love writing these but I hate exchanging them because I really cannot predict when I will feel up to it.

I'm gonna try to do some daily-events posts for at least 13 days; I'll probably put them all under lj-cuts to prevent me worrying that they're not interesting enough.

( Aurilion, phonetalking, coffee w Sarah, short visit w Abby, creativestreak w earrings )

after Mel, Jasmine, Jenny, Berry, and Namid all tagged me on facebook I figured OKAY FINE YOU ASKED FOR IT. Plus like 6 more of you have done it here! *jumps on bandwagon*

1. The problem with me doing things like this is that I can never manage to be succinct. Interesting, since when I was writing for classes I always fell short of the length requirements, and I couldn't pad it out with fluff... maybe I just can't write less than a paragraph or more than a few pages, heh.

( 24 more, cut for leeeeeeeeeeeength! )

after Mel, Jasmine, Jenny, Berry, and Namid all tagged me on facebook I figured OKAY FINE YOU ASKED FOR IT. Plus like 6 more of you have done it here! *jumps on bandwagon*

1. The problem with me doing things like this is that I can never manage to be succinct. Interesting, since when I was writing for classes I always fell short of the length requirements, and I couldn't pad it out with fluff... maybe I just can't write less than a paragraph or more than a few pages, heh.

( 24 more, cut for leeeeeeeeeeeength! )

after Mel, Jasmine, Jenny, Berry, and Namid all tagged me on facebook I figured OKAY FINE YOU ASKED FOR IT. Plus like 6 more of you have done it here! *jumps on bandwagon*

1. The problem with me doing things like this is that I can never manage to be succinct. Interesting, since when I was writing for classes I always fell short of the length requirements, and I couldn't pad it out with fluff... maybe I just can't write less than a paragraph or more than a few pages, heh.

( 24 more, cut for leeeeeeeeeeeength! )

It's been a very strange two weeks... I feel like I am holding my breath all the time, which is why I haven't been posting. Waiting waiting waiting to hear on my partner's promotion -- EVERYTHING hangs on that, it feels impossible to live when you have amazing new life in one hand and possible homelessness and starvation in the other. Yeah, yeah, maybe that's a little melodramatic, but we don't have any sort of safety net, so that is not an irrational fear. But I am believing that we ARE getting it and everything is going to be wonderful and happy and filling-in-all-the-spaces. (pray pray pray please!)

Week before last I spend tons of time talking to Hannah, which was amazing and wonderful because she has fresh energy for the first time in a long while, and it was so incredible to be able to re-connect in such a warm loving way. And it was especially lovely because it was the anniversary of our soulfriendship; we spent so much time rejoicing over this amazing thing we've created, how it has changed our lives and brought us sooo much joy. And planning all sorts of beautiful things for the next time we are together, sharing art we've created... just taking intense delight in each other. She is so very incredible ♥

And then this past week! I've talked to Meliae so much! she called me and we talked on the phone for the first time Wednesday morning (3am on the 21st, so it was still Tuesday to me) and we talked for EIGHT HOURS (2 on phone, 6 on gtalk (voice))!!! If you can have an 8 hour conversation with someone and STILL not want to stop talking, you know that you have a real connection; I think the only other person I've ever spoken with for that long of a stretch is Hannah. And since then we've talked a bunch of times: about education, feminism, the way previous wounds affect how you live, soulfriendship, other friendships, romantic relationships, sex, spirituality, our life stories (brief versions, heh), just EVERYTHING. And it's got my mind spinning in all kinds of new directions, I love it! :D I'm very excited! and also a little uncertain because I am used to being the one that 'discovers' this incredible person and totally falls in love and pursues them until they fall in love back, but this time she found me and sought me out! It's awesome but just so totally novel to me, to not be the instigator in a relationship that I am enthused about, so I'm still kinda trying to get my bearings. I think when I instigate a relationship, I pour a lot of energy in right away, so it makes sense to me that they love me back. But with Meliae, I hadn't given anything, so why would she want to be friends with me? Meliae says that she got a very clear sense of me from my journal and my photos, and I believe her because I felt a jolt of spirit-recognition when I first saw a photo of her, and couldn't stop giggling at how happy seeing her smile made me. And if I felt it, then she must have felt it too. hmmm. I think maybe I feel like she knows me better than I know her, somehow, and that weirds me out. Despite the fact that TONS of people know me better than I know them! I don't know why I feel odd about it, it's definitely illogical. Maybe I feel like because she instigated it, she has the power to end it, and I feel out of my depth because I don't know her desires like I would know my own. hmmmm. I don't like that idea but it seems correct. poooo, I don't like finding out that I didn't fully kill an insecurity. (Still, I'm way more secure than I was before because it's only a mild off-kilter feeling, not screaming crying fear. yay for growth!)

My relationship with my partner has been tempestuous lately -- we're both stressed so we keep overreacting to things, having a big fight, and then when we've fought all the pettiness out, realizing that it wasn't even a big deal. But at the same time we're still growing more open and intimate with each other... a product of my partner striving to be more expressive, I think. He's growing by leaps and bounds. *love*

and 'Kenzy and I have been talking a lot too! She's amazing, so creative, and growing so fast! I feel humbled by her wisdom sometimes.

HOW THE HELL DO I HAVE SO MANY AMAZING PEOPLE IN MY LIFE???? At this rate I'm going to start having awesome people stop me in the store and strike up a friendship just like that. Lucky doesn't even begin to describe it! The only explanation is the hands of God/dess. Thank you ♥ for bringing them into my life, and all you wonderful people, thank you for being you ♥

It's been a very strange two weeks... I feel like I am holding my breath all the time, which is why I haven't been posting. Waiting waiting waiting to hear on my partner's promotion -- EVERYTHING hangs on that, it feels impossible to live when you have amazing new life in one hand and possible homelessness and starvation in the other. Yeah, yeah, maybe that's a little melodramatic, but we don't have any sort of safety net, so that is not an irrational fear. But I am believing that we ARE getting it and everything is going to be wonderful and happy and filling-in-all-the-spaces. (pray pray pray please!)

Week before last I spend tons of time talking to Hannah, which was amazing and wonderful because she has fresh energy for the first time in a long while, and it was so incredible to be able to re-connect in such a warm loving way. And it was especially lovely because it was the anniversary of our soulfriendship; we spent so much time rejoicing over this amazing thing we've created, how it has changed our lives and brought us sooo much joy. And planning all sorts of beautiful things for the next time we are together, sharing art we've created... just taking intense delight in each other. She is so very incredible ♥

And then this past week! I've talked to Meliae so much! she called me and we talked on the phone for the first time Wednesday morning (3am on the 21st, so it was still Tuesday to me) and we talked for EIGHT HOURS (2 on phone, 6 on gtalk (voice))!!! If you can have an 8 hour conversation with someone and STILL not want to stop talking, you know that you have a real connection; I think the only other person I've ever spoken with for that long of a stretch is Hannah. And since then we've talked a bunch of times: about education, feminism, the way previous wounds affect how you live, soulfriendship, other friendships, romantic relationships, sex, spirituality, our life stories (brief versions, heh), just EVERYTHING. And it's got my mind spinning in all kinds of new directions, I love it! :D I'm very excited! and also a little uncertain because I am used to being the one that 'discovers' this incredible person and totally falls in love and pursues them until they fall in love back, but this time she found me and sought me out! It's awesome but just so totally novel to me, to not be the instigator in a relationship that I am enthused about, so I'm still kinda trying to get my bearings. I think when I instigate a relationship, I pour a lot of energy in right away, so it makes sense to me that they love me back. But with Meliae, I hadn't given anything, so why would she want to be friends with me? Meliae says that she got a very clear sense of me from my journal and my photos, and I believe her because I felt a jolt of spirit-recognition when I first saw a photo of her, and couldn't stop giggling at how happy seeing her smile made me. And if I felt it, then she must have felt it too. hmmm. I think maybe I feel like she knows me better than I know her, somehow, and that weirds me out. Despite the fact that TONS of people know me better than I know them! I don't know why I feel odd about it, it's definitely illogical. Maybe I feel like because she instigated it, she has the power to end it, and I feel out of my depth because I don't know her desires like I would know my own. hmmmm. I don't like that idea but it seems correct. poooo, I don't like finding out that I didn't fully kill an insecurity. (Still, I'm way more secure than I was before because it's only a mild off-kilter feeling, not screaming crying fear. yay for growth!)

My relationship with my partner has been tempestuous lately -- we're both stressed so we keep overreacting to things, having a big fight, and then when we've fought all the pettiness out, realizing that it wasn't even a big deal. But at the same time we're still growing more open and intimate with each other... a product of my partner striving to be more expressive, I think. He's growing by leaps and bounds. *love*

and 'Kenzy and I have been talking a lot too! She's amazing, so creative, and growing so fast! I feel humbled by her wisdom sometimes.

HOW THE HELL DO I HAVE SO MANY AMAZING PEOPLE IN MY LIFE???? At this rate I'm going to start having awesome people stop me in the store and strike up a friendship just like that. Lucky doesn't even begin to describe it! The only explanation is the hands of God/dess. Thank you ♥ for bringing them into my life, and all you wonderful people, thank you for being you ♥

It's been a very strange two weeks... I feel like I am holding my breath all the time, which is why I haven't been posting. Waiting waiting waiting to hear on my partner's promotion -- EVERYTHING hangs on that, it feels impossible to live when you have amazing new life in one hand and possible homelessness and starvation in the other. Yeah, yeah, maybe that's a little melodramatic, but we don't have any sort of safety net, so that is not an irrational fear. But I am believing that we ARE getting it and everything is going to be wonderful and happy and filling-in-all-the-spaces. (pray pray pray please!)

Week before last I spend tons of time talking to Hannah, which was amazing and wonderful because she has fresh energy for the first time in a long while, and it was so incredible to be able to re-connect in such a warm loving way. And it was especially lovely because it was the anniversary of our soulfriendship; we spent so much time rejoicing over this amazing thing we've created, how it has changed our lives and brought us sooo much joy. And planning all sorts of beautiful things for the next time we are together, sharing art we've created... just taking intense delight in each other. She is so very incredible ♥

And then this past week! I've talked to Meliae so much! she called me and we talked on the phone for the first time Wednesday morning (3am on the 21st, so it was still Tuesday to me) and we talked for EIGHT HOURS (2 on phone, 6 on gtalk (voice))!!! If you can have an 8 hour conversation with someone and STILL not want to stop talking, you know that you have a real connection; I think the only other person I've ever spoken with for that long of a stretch is Hannah. And since then we've talked a bunch of times: about education, feminism, the way previous wounds affect how you live, soulfriendship, other friendships, romantic relationships, sex, spirituality, our life stories (brief versions, heh), just EVERYTHING. And it's got my mind spinning in all kinds of new directions, I love it! :D I'm very excited! and also a little uncertain because I am used to being the one that 'discovers' this incredible person and totally falls in love and pursues them until they fall in love back, but this time she found me and sought me out! It's awesome but just so totally novel to me, to not be the instigator in a relationship that I am enthused about, so I'm still kinda trying to get my bearings. I think when I instigate a relationship, I pour a lot of energy in right away, so it makes sense to me that they love me back. But with Meliae, I hadn't given anything, so why would she want to be friends with me? Meliae says that she got a very clear sense of me from my journal and my photos, and I believe her because I felt a jolt of spirit-recognition when I first saw a photo of her, and couldn't stop giggling at how happy seeing her smile made me. And if I felt it, then she must have felt it too. hmmm. I think maybe I feel like she knows me better than I know her, somehow, and that weirds me out. Despite the fact that TONS of people know me better than I know them! I don't know why I feel odd about it, it's definitely illogical. Maybe I feel like because she instigated it, she has the power to end it, and I feel out of my depth because I don't know her desires like I would know my own. hmmmm. I don't like that idea but it seems correct. poooo, I don't like finding out that I didn't fully kill an insecurity. (Still, I'm way more secure than I was before because it's only a mild off-kilter feeling, not screaming crying fear. yay for growth!)

My relationship with my partner has been tempestuous lately -- we're both stressed so we keep overreacting to things, having a big fight, and then when we've fought all the pettiness out, realizing that it wasn't even a big deal. But at the same time we're still growing more open and intimate with each other... a product of my partner striving to be more expressive, I think. He's growing by leaps and bounds. *love*

and 'Kenzy and I have been talking a lot too! She's amazing, so creative, and growing so fast! I feel humbled by her wisdom sometimes.

HOW THE HELL DO I HAVE SO MANY AMAZING PEOPLE IN MY LIFE???? At this rate I'm going to start having awesome people stop me in the store and strike up a friendship just like that. Lucky doesn't even begin to describe it! The only explanation is the hands of God/dess. Thank you ♥ for bringing them into my life, and all you wonderful people, thank you for being you ♥