dear friend: please reconsider your use of that slur
icon: "honesty (me, outdoors, gazing straight at the camera with a solemn expression)"
If I gave you this link, please understand that it was motivated by affection and/or respect. I have this conversation over and over, and it takes a lot out of me, so I needed to create a less energy-intense way to communicate about it. If I didn't respect you and/or feel affection for you, I would not risk giving you this link. If I have already talked with you about it*, this is my low-energy way of reminding you (with bonus of allowing bystanders to also learn).
I give this link in response to people using slurs. You probably didn't realize that what you were saying was a slur, or maybe you didn't realize the harm. The most common mistakes I come across are use of the words stupid, lame, crazy, or insane. Usually I put asterisks in these to make it clear that I consider them slurs, but sometimes people can't tell what word I am referring to, so I'm writing them out here for clarity.
TW slurs--------
a full list of the slurs which I may be referring to:
stupid, idiot, dumb (if you mean the physical quality, the term is 'mute' or 'nonverbal'), derp, ermahgerd, duh, crazy, insane, psychotic, wacko, mental, psycho, cray-cray, bitch, douche, pussy, cunt, lame, ghetto, blind or deaf (when used to mean "not paying attention"), gay, retard/ed, nigger, jew or gyp (as in to swindle/cheat), tranny, shemale, cripple, slut, whore, fag/got
------------end TW
Here I explain what is harmful about using these words.
Here I explain why it is still a problem to use slurs even when you are not aiming them at a person.
Here I explain how you are not missing out by avoiding these words: you are becoming a better communicator.
If you read all of this and you still want to feel free to use slurs, please let me know. That is a dealbreaker for me with friendship. I can totally understand it being difficult and I won't hold it against you at all if you make mistakes, but if you have no intention of removing slurs from your communication, you are not a safe person for me and I do not want to invest in you.
*I find it almost impossible to remind people in more direct ways because I empathize so hard with trying and making mistakes and how embarrassing that is. If I give you this link and you have already decided to try not to use slurs, please feel no need to apologize or engage about it, just take it as a reminder. I promise I don't need an apology; I understand that it is a process.
I need to find better words to describe my neighbors and current work situation, because those are ALWAYS the ones that spring to my lips. Any suggestions?
That said, before I go, I'm a writer and a teacher of English and literature - I LOVE language both good and bad. I LOVE colloquialisms, I LOVE playing with the changing nature of language, I LOVE hearing how people use words both right and wrong. I feel that negating the existence of words that are in common usage is akin to trying to make an "ism" end by not talking about it. I generate a conversation about linguistic choices in my intro to lit class by using and defining the word "cunt" and we expand from there.
This is who I am. You are who you are. Your list of no-go words includes a lot of language I talk about often, use often, and sometimes even relish, especially in the educational context in which I work (where we can talk about what these words mean). I would not want to make you feel unsafe so I shall respectfully step away.
I use some of these frequently -- as for an instance, I call my husband a whore/slut all the time in my journal. It's a personal story and has depth and meaning to us, but I can see how my casual use of it would be an issue for you. I've enjoyed reading your words and had looked forward to continuing, but for your own well-being, I don't think I'm a good fit and that's a shame.