In a time of ancient Goddes, Witches, and Quings, there was a people who lived in joy and plenty. They worshiped the Godde of water, Upanasiel, who brought forth almost more fruit and vegetables than they could eat. They hardly had to tend their crops because their Godde cleared the sky to allow the plants bright sun every morning and then drenched the plants with rain every afternoon in the summer. If ever someone's seeds faltered or their plants were devoured by insects, it was easy for the others to share their extra to ensure that everyone had enough.

The people would shout in celebration when the rain began, as it washed away their sweat and cooled their skin. They would chant low with the gusts of the wind and dance with thumping feet. The adults would make jokes to each other about the resplendently fertile hills where Upanasiel shook out their hair every day, and the children would think they understood and laugh too. They would marvel to each other at the generosity of Upanasiel and always save some water for drinking the next hot morning before the rains came again.

In winter, they imagined that Upanasiel went into the mountain and danced there, causing the heart of the mountain to overflow. During the winter it never rained yet the streams were always more full than in the summer, and the water was always cold like it was in the caves on the mountain. Even though they never saw Upanasiel while the trees slept, the people felt the cold flow was a mark of their distant favor and care.

One winter while Upanasiel was away, another Godde and his priests came to visit the valley. They told the people that their joy was foolish and their trust naive: that life is not meant to be joy, but instead toil. Their Godde, who they said was stronger and cleverer than Upanasiel, demanded the sacrifice of sweat without respite and demanded worship without cause. Whenever the people would mention Upanasiel, the priests loudly chanted their Godde's name, Caparkhes, over and over until the people stopped. This was so annoying that the people stopped mentioning Upanasiel in any public gathering.

One day the people asked the priests, if Caparkhes was nearby at all times why couldn't anyone see him? The priests hurriedly shushed the people and said that Caparkhes became furious whenever someone doubted his presence, and would punish them. The people thought this was ridiculous -- what Godde wasn't pleased by curiosity? -- but they stopped asking. Everything they learned about this Godde made him seem like the most desperately posturing creature they could imagine. They didn't want to hurt his delicate feelings, silly though they may be.

But the next morning, they found a dairy animal dead by the river, and the morning after that a companion animal, and the morning after that a human child, without a mark on them or any sign as to how they died. The priests pointed and said "this is the wrath of Caparkhes." The people feared more death, and asked the priests what they could do to appease Caparkhes. The priests said they should cover their shamefully naked bodies with cloth. This seemed like a very silly waste of blankets and wall hangings but an easy enough task. They fashioned clothing for everyone and no one went naked any more, except deep in the forest where the priests would not go because of the tree-demons. They took Caparkhes' priests seriously now, because when they did not, more creatures would die in the same way.

Spring was coming, and some of the people quietly hoped that Upanasiel would return and cast out Caparkhes and his priests, who had begun to demand the finest and most of everything "for Caparkhes lest his wrath return." The winter stores had run out much sooner than usual with the priests demanding some sacrifices in flame, and some in their own bowls. The people had resorted to eating some of their saved seeds and roots. They thought surely Upanasiel will have a solution for this mess, and at least there would be new fruits again soon.

Upanasiel did come back, and joyously shook their hair across the sky and filled the wind with rain. The people were relieved, but afraid to praise too loud for fear that Caparkhes would punish them. They did not shout, or chant, or dance, but quietly planted and hoped. Upanasiel wondered at their silence, but faithfully blessed them each day as they had for generations. After months went by with still not a song or shout or thump, Upanasiel curiously sent part of themself the form of a companion animal and went to be among the people, to see if they could understand this new silence.

It was not a silence, up close. The people complained every day when the rains came. It plastered their clothes and made them feel sticky and miserable, and it did not cool them because the cloth held the heat in. They were just hot and wet and unhappy. And itchy, because the clothes didn't fully dry and fungus grew on their skin in the continuous damp. The people never felt comfortable except in the late heat of the morning when their clothes finally dried -- shortly before the rains came again. The people fought with each other over the most petty of issues in order to take their minds off of their incessant discomfort, distract themselves from their grief, and most of all to feel a sense of control through winning, though they never won anything that mattered and they put cracks in all their relationships. They put up blocks against the rain and wind and hid inside like mice, which made them more dry but also more restless. Without dancing their bodies never felt satisfied. Without chanting they never felt unified. Without thumping they never felt resonance with the earth.

Upanasiel was horrified and heartbroken to see their people so crushed, and was tempted to immediately fry the priests like the gristle that they were. But the people had lost control of their own lives, and to intervene as a deity would doom them to a future of always looking outside themselves for the solution. Upanasiel knew the people had to uncover the lies that the priests had told, so Upanasiel looked for a truth-seeker, one who had not stopped questioning the validity of Caparkhes. The adults were all too fearful. In this small and closely connected valley, every adult had lost at least one child they loved to the tantrums of Caparkhes. No one could bear to lose another, and they did not realize they were gradually losing them all.

Upanasiel sat by the forest, and waited for a child to come. Someone who was not yet so afraid of the priests that they would forsake the trees. Days passed, and still none had come. Upanasiel wondered if it was too late. At last, on midsummer's eve, a child approached in a silent sprint -- but they were not alone. They paused at the edge of the forest and whispered loudly "hurry up!" and another child rushed up the side of the hill. And another, and another. When there were eleven, they ran into the forest and yanked their clothes off, throwing them in a pile near the edge. Free, they ran around giggling in a stage whisper, playing, climbing, swinging, and dancing. Upanasiel shifted into a larger form, the shape of a companion animal but twice as large, and glimmering like moon-shadow. They walked into the path of the children and sat down. It didn't take long before all of the children were gathered around exclaiming quietly over their size and beauty, petting their dark cloudy fur that sparked gently with each stroke, and gazing at their mossy green face. Upanasiel spoke, not aloud but in their minds, and told them,

"You are the witches and quings your people need. Your only path to freedom in the daylight again will be difficult and dangerous. Will you do it anyway?" The children in their innocent sense of immortality quickly agreed. Upanasiel told them that most of them must be very quiet and very cautious, and three of them must be raucous and wild. The three loudest children immediately knew their task, and Upanasiel sent a smile in their minds. The others were assigned silence, two to each of the priests. "You must watch them constantly. Take turns sleeping; do not let them go unguarded. When you find their lies, steal the proof, bring it to the center-house and shout it loudly and repeatedly." To all the children, Upanasiel said "Do not fear Caparkhes. He is the smallest and greediest Godde but he has no power over life, only over fear."

The next afternoon as soon as the rain began, two children stripped off their clothes and ran squealing with laughter through the whole town, shouting "Caparkhes is a toddler who poops on himself! Poops on himself!" when they started to run out of breath it became "Caparkhes is poops Caparkhes poops Caparkhes poooooops!!!" The adults threatened and begged and cried, but the children had smeared their skin with oil and without clothing to grab on to, the adults could not catch them or stop them. The priests pinched their lips in angry little pouts and shook their heads, then looked to the sky and piously intoned "Father, forgive them!" The adults begged to do penance for the children, who were now hiding where no one could find them. The priests shrugged and frowned as if they worried and said there was nothing they could do but pray. So the adults all knelt and begged Caparkhes to spare their children. Upanasiel raged and snarled in livid frustration but waited for the children to finish their work.

That night, as the adults kept vigil, the children watched the priests. Three of them prayed with the adults, but one claimed exhaustion and went to his wind-rain block, to sleep. The two children assigned to watch him followed quietly just out of sight. He went into his shelter and soon the children heard snores. They looked at each other in disappointment and confusion, but waited anyway. After a little while the snores faded and the priest peeked out of his shelter. He skulked toward a nearby wind-rain block, a large vial clasped in one hand. The children instantly knew that the vial was the lie they were looking for -- why else would a priest who did every action at the top of his lungs be sneaking? They quickly whispered a plan. One of them ran up to the priest and hissed, "Caparkhes is made of vomit with shit for a tongue!" As the priest gasped in shock and fury, the other child snatched the vial from his hand and ran as fast as they could to the center-house, shrieking "I found the lie I found the lie I found the lie!"

When the child reached the center-house, still shrieking, everyone clamored to know what they were talking about. They held aloft the vial and said "we saw that priest taking this to where baby Efrina was sleeping!" Suddenly suspicious, one of the people's witches took the vial, opened and sniffed it, touched a finger to the cork and then to her tongue, then spat. "This is white-root!" she exclaimed. The people used white-root in a tea when someone was in a great deal of pain, because it slowed the blood and eased the senses. It grew far away and always alone, and it took a good amount for a small effect so it had never occurred to them that it could be used to kill. Seeing so much in the vial, it was suddenly very obvious what had happened to all their beloveds. They turned as one in unutterable fury towards the priests. One of the three who prayed said dismissively, "it can't possibly be what you think" as they all looked towards the elder priest. He stood frozen where the children had left him, but when the other priests looked at him he stiffened up and shouted "it was the will of Caparkhes! I am but a tool in the hand of the Almighty Godde!" The other priests looked at each other, stricken, as the adults snarled and surged towards the elder priest.

Upanasiel coalesced as a monstrous person, thrice as large as any human and glittering all over with dark stars. They clasped the elder priest in clawed hands and said in a thunderous voice with lightning flashing in their teeth, "Adults, hear me. Your punishment for your cowardice is to be denied your revenge. Your children suffered and died for your lack of resistance to these evil-mongers, and yet they who suffered rescued you. They will come with me and decide this one's fate, which you will not be permitted to know. Rather than vengeance, you must plan your vigilance, so that you will not fall prey to such lies again." Then children, elder priest, and Upanasiel vanished.

The adults looked at the remaining priests, all of whom lay prostrate and sobbing, two having soiled themselves, and they turned away in disgust. They ripped off their clothing and tore down their wind-rain blocks. They bathed in the rain and began to feel hope again. They gathered and began to plan against any future lies or attempts to control through fear.

When the remaining priests had gathered themselves and realized that their god was not one worthy of worship and that they had permitted atrocious acts in his name, they begged the adults to allow them to worship Upanasiel. The adults shook their heads in bafflement at the idea that it was their decision, and the priests took this as a rejection and left, whining and sniping at each other about whose fault it was. They were never heard from again.

Away in the forest, Upanasiel asked the children what the fate of the elder priest should be. They discussed it among themselves and after lively shouting, decided that the elder priest should be made into a sapling and planted in the center of the valley. Upanasiel was deeply pleased and asked for an explanation. The child who thought it up replied "because all life can be useful and trees give so much for so long. And being without the power to control anyone will be torture at first and then maybe transform his soul into a useful one too. So it's a punishment but also a cure." Upanasiel beamed and said that they would do this, but a little more sneakily to fool the adults. They turned the elder priest into a seed, handed him to the idea-child, and told all the children to speak truth to the lies when they returned to the center.

Back in the center of the valley, the idea-child held up a seed and said, "this is a symbol from Upanasiel of what we must all be! Rooted in earth, open to the wind, grateful for the rain, and as strong as a tree in resistance to any being who seeks to control others." The child bent and pressed the seed against the ground and Upanasiel grew it into a five-year sapling right before their eyes. The other children each took turns explaining what lies the people had accepted from the evil-mongers and what they must forever resist. Now the day after Summer Solstice is forever a day of planting, being grateful for rain, and dismantling lies.

Later, of course, when the curious adults begged to know what became of the murderer, Upanasiel took pity and told them. Because any decent Godde values curiosity.

I'm sitting by the Chattahoochee listening to the thickly rushing water and swinging slightly on a green metal bench swing. The air feels a little wet, cool, and charged, probably from the rain last night. Geese are flying near and honking, and I can hear when trucks downshift on the highway. It's just cool enough that I need my jacket here in the shade, but not enough that my hands are cold. The sun is falling on me brightly through bare branches speckled with new leaves. There are people around but they are all far enough away that while I can feel them, they are not intruding on my sense of freedom.

I just had a great conversation with a new friend, about nature, racism, places, gentrification, religion, activism, careers, burns, privilege, organizing, and other stuff. We packed a lot into 2 hours. I felt awkward but not direly so, having taken my meds already today. I think I mostly felt awkward because I usually have a set of intentions with any connection, and that's how I make decisions about things. I think most people just either treat everyone in roles (friend, lover, family, etc) or they don't set intentions. For at least a decade I haven't really had any accidental relationships, because I don't have the opportunity for those. The people I spend time with unintentionally are not people with whom I click. So I'm very out of my comfort zone just building connection without a plan, and I think about connection so continuously that I notice when something as small as a smile forms a link. I feel a strong impulse to message them and ask what they want from a connection with me, but I don't think they have this same habit (I mean, it is a damn rare person who does) and so it wouldn't likely be helpful.

A deep feeling of wonder at nature is not common and not something many people want to enter into on purpose (though they might if they are high on romance or drugs or something). It takes a level of willingness to be vulnerable, because wonder is associated with children and those deemed 'mentally deficient.' Most people just don't believe that a rock is or should ever be an emotionally-relevant object in its own right, and out of those who do believe, they're usually not willing to explore that. Most of the photos you see of people at places like the grand canyon are not of people feeling awe. They aren't really even noticing. They're just like "I'm in a place that has high status! look at me!" or maybe "this makes a great backdrop for my hike" or even "this is aesthetically appealing." But actually being emotionally moved? it's rare, and for me it is incredibly important.

Topaz's prompt for today: What are the 3 most spiritual experiences you've ever had... excluding interactions with trees. (But plz link back to posts about spiritual interactions with trees in the post) Oh good Godde. I can't possibly do the 'most' because my memory is so shit (and I wouldn't have a clue how to sort them), so I'll tell the first three that come to mind.

When I was 15, I was deeply depressed, and I prayed every day, many times per day, to God to let me die. I didn't feel like it was okay to kill myself (I was very religious) but I didn't want to live; living was torture. I was sent to a christian summer camp and while I was there, I cried a lot and spent a lot of time alone talking to God and wanting to die, feeling completely irrelevant and unseen. At one point after crying for a while I went and stood next to a stone wall, looking over it at water and just feeling empty, when suddenly I felt love flow over me from head to toe like a slow waterfall of warm honey. I was stunned and changed, because it was a tangible feeling of love and for the first time I can remember, I knew I was loved, genuinely and freely. It only lasted about a minute, but it was so real, and there was no other explanation for it than spiritual -- it was and still is the most unambiguously externally-initiated spiritual experience I've ever had. I've never felt anything like it before or since.

And, well, the next that comes to mind is this time when I was about 10 I think, and I was playing in a riverbed next to a covered bridge. I was barefoot (as I was most times back then) and clambering around, imagining worlds in the moss and loving the play of water over rocks. I went to take a step into a crevice and very clearly 'heard' (not with my ears) "no, don't step there" but I had already been trained not to listen, and so I stepped, and nearly sliced off a toe on the bottom or a broken bottle. As my parents rushed me to the hospital, I was euphoric, feeling that God had spoken to me for the first time in my life. Now, I am not so sure it was God -- I think it was more likely the river itself, which I had just been communing with and was very open to, or simply my intuition. Either way, that experience showed me that it was possible to get knowledge from non-physical sources. However it was about 15 years after that before I 'heard' any word-like impressions again.

This isn't one particular experience, but the next set that comes to mind is various concerts, over the years. And at the same time, church. With church it was when music played and I danced that I felt connection to all beings, to Godde, to beauty. I almost always danced. Sometimes it felt like my body was moving on its own. I'd have bursts of clarity and feel resonance of love. At some concerts, I felt the same thing. The Benjamin Gate (many years ago), Bat for Lashes, Beats Antique, Massive Attack, CocoRosie, and Zoe Keating have all been that for me. I'll feel the music move into my body and flow through my veins, I'll dance and breathe the music. I'll get overwhelmed and cry or shiver as a line slides down my spine. Other artists I like don't necessarily give me that -- it has to be an artist that makes music with spiritual meaning to me. Noe Venable has given me this with music even not-live, which is almost unheard of and is the reason why I feel a need (more than a desire) to see zir perform live.

photopost! I'm getting my confidence back at last ♥





( 36 photos from many different days )

photopost! I'm getting my confidence back at last ♥





( 36 photos from many different days )

A much-belated photoshare from when justben and I last went to Big Trees (wow, it's been almost three months) -- winter had come early, but there was still beauty to be found ♥ I almost want to go again before spring to see if I can find anything to enchant me in the stark nakedness of full winter.




( 30+ photos )

A much-belated photoshare from when justben and I last went to Big Trees (wow, it's been almost three months) -- winter had come early, but there was still beauty to be found ♥ I almost want to go again before spring to see if I can find anything to enchant me in the stark nakedness of full winter.




( 30+ photos )

This is two sets of photos -- the first was taken when I went to Big Trees Forest Preserve alone on the 1st, and the second was taken on the 25th when I visited with Ben for the first time. The first set is small, mostly self-portraits, and pales in comparison to the second but I edited them so I'm sharing them anyway, dammit.



( solo visit on the 1st )

Going to Big Trees with Ben was a revelation. As we walked through, we were together, but loosely; ze was comfortable with me wandering off a bit and also wandered a bit zirself, and even when physically separated there was a strong sense of connection. When sharing a sacred space with someone previously, I've had two experiences -- either I am 'leading' and they're sort of reliant on me to open the way for them, or they have a separate experience in the same space. I've never felt that sort of open and free connection before and it's amazing!

But the most thrilling and beautiful part was that I saw it all with a depth that I hadn't before. Ze noticed things I didn't and shared them with me! (usually the other either doesn't share, or doesn't notice things I haven't (or both)) I love that so much! It was so incredibly inspiring for me both emotionally and creatively; this set of photos is BY FAR my best, and quite a few of my favorites were of things that Ben pointed out to me. I'm delighted with how ze sees (and even more with how ze shares) ♥




( Oct 25th visit with Ben ♥ )

This is two sets of photos -- the first was taken when I went to Big Trees Forest Preserve alone on the 1st, and the second was taken on the 25th when I visited with Ben for the first time. The first set is small, mostly self-portraits, and pales in comparison to the second but I edited them so I'm sharing them anyway, dammit.



( solo visit on the 1st )

Going to Big Trees with Ben was a revelation. As we walked through, we were together, but loosely; ze was comfortable with me wandering off a bit and also wandered a bit zirself, and even when physically separated there was a strong sense of connection. When sharing a sacred space with someone previously, I've had two experiences -- either I am 'leading' and they're sort of reliant on me to open the way for them, or they have a separate experience in the same space. I've never felt that sort of open and free connection before and it's amazing!

But the most thrilling and beautiful part was that I saw it all with a depth that I hadn't before. Ze noticed things I didn't and shared them with me! (usually the other either doesn't share, or doesn't notice things I haven't (or both)) I love that so much! It was so incredibly inspiring for me both emotionally and creatively; this set of photos is BY FAR my best, and quite a few of my favorites were of things that Ben pointed out to me. I'm delighted with how ze sees (and even more with how ze shares) ♥




( Oct 25th visit with Ben ♥ )

Sunday I went to Ash's wedding! It turned out to be a lovely day; witnessed an inspiring ceremony, spent charming time with Anna (camilleyun) for the first time in person (after knowing zir for many years online), visited GORGEOUS river & woods, and had many interesting conversations. I rode with elya (my partner's twin) and Miss K (my partner's parent) on the way to the falls after the ceremony and we had a fascinating conversation about how we define our morals and what our core values are (which is something I want to post on! feel free to guess my top 5 values :D). Then at the falls Anna and I sat in the shade (because I came completely unprepared for water or sun or slippery rocks) and talked about the nature of communication and connection. It was a really encouraging conversation and I felt really at home with Anna; I look forward to meeting up again ♥ Eventually those attempting to heat the grill admitted defeat and we headed back to Ash's to FINALLY have some food. There, Wolf and I had a really fascinating conversation about intellectual and spiritual responsibility and our slightly-different-but-still-agreeing views on the use of 'force' (manipulation, authoritative behavior), and then Ash and Stuart and Wolf discussed the balance of marriage (and I piped in every now and then). It was really great to spend more time with Nikki and Wolf, especially Wolf because I realized that while zir language can be very gendered, ze doesn't actually believe in most of the sexist concepts that zir language would seem to imply (I'm not talking about rude stuff -- I'm talking about phrases like "guy talk" or "you know women and shoes"). So while it still makes me twitch a bit, it doesn't bother me like it would otherwise. And when I say something contradictory in response ze doesn't get defensive or annoyed, so I don't feel like I need to bite my tongue all the time. And I just really enjoy zir company! Ze's one of the most warm and open-minded (yet stubborn! a rare combo which I enjoy :D) people I've ever met.

The whole group just had such a great dynamic! Next time I want to add in Viv, Sara, Shel, Ryan, Kat K, and maybe one or two others -- I actually have local people who I'd call FRIENDS. How fucking insanely fantastic is that???



( many photos! )

Sunday I went to Ash's wedding! It turned out to be a lovely day; witnessed an inspiring ceremony, spent charming time with Anna (camilleyun) for the first time in person (after knowing zir for many years online), visited GORGEOUS river & woods, and had many interesting conversations. I rode with elya (my partner's twin) and Miss K (my partner's parent) on the way to the falls after the ceremony and we had a fascinating conversation about how we define our morals and what our core values are (which is something I want to post on! feel free to guess my top 5 values :D). Then at the falls Anna and I sat in the shade (because I came completely unprepared for water or sun or slippery rocks) and talked about the nature of communication and connection. It was a really encouraging conversation and I felt really at home with Anna; I look forward to meeting up again ♥ Eventually those attempting to heat the grill admitted defeat and we headed back to Ash's to FINALLY have some food. There, Wolf and I had a really fascinating conversation about intellectual and spiritual responsibility and our slightly-different-but-still-agreeing views on the use of 'force' (manipulation, authoritative behavior), and then Ash and Stuart and Wolf discussed the balance of marriage (and I piped in every now and then). It was really great to spend more time with Nikki and Wolf, especially Wolf because I realized that while zir language can be very gendered, ze doesn't actually believe in most of the sexist concepts that zir language would seem to imply (I'm not talking about rude stuff -- I'm talking about phrases like "guy talk" or "you know women and shoes"). So while it still makes me twitch a bit, it doesn't bother me like it would otherwise. And when I say something contradictory in response ze doesn't get defensive or annoyed, so I don't feel like I need to bite my tongue all the time. And I just really enjoy zir company! Ze's one of the most warm and open-minded (yet stubborn! a rare combo which I enjoy :D) people I've ever met.

The whole group just had such a great dynamic! Next time I want to add in Viv, Sara, Shel, Ryan, Kat K, and maybe one or two others -- I actually have local people who I'd call FRIENDS. How fucking insanely fantastic is that???



( many photos! )

I just realized that as I've become more spiritually aware and connected to nature, I've become much more in tune with the sun and the weather. This past winter was the worst for me, SAD-wise, because of that... but this spring is introducing what promises to be the most uplifting summer I've had. Sunlight is a need for me, and when I first go outside for the day and the sun touches my skin, I'm flooded with the urge to revel in zir caresses. I stop, stretch my arms out, palms up, close my eyes and tilt my face to the sun (much like in my icon), and feel blessed in a way that I used to only feel when dancing in worship at church. You know how sometimes you see something so beautiful you stop in your tracks? When the sun touches me I feel the same overwhelming awe, and it is almost instinct for me to open my arms to the sun. Even when I'm in a hurry I do it. I feel like I am awakening more to my plant nature -- I almost feel like a walking tree (or a plant sim *giggles*). Sunlight nourishes me.

( I need more light in my living space )

I just realized that as I've become more spiritually aware and connected to nature, I've become much more in tune with the sun and the weather. This past winter was the worst for me, SAD-wise, because of that... but this spring is introducing what promises to be the most uplifting summer I've had. Sunlight is a need for me, and when I first go outside for the day and the sun touches my skin, I'm flooded with the urge to revel in zir caresses. I stop, stretch my arms out, palms up, close my eyes and tilt my face to the sun (much like in my icon), and feel blessed in a way that I used to only feel when dancing in worship at church. You know how sometimes you see something so beautiful you stop in your tracks? When the sun touches me I feel the same overwhelming awe, and it is almost instinct for me to open my arms to the sun. Even when I'm in a hurry I do it. I feel like I am awakening more to my plant nature -- I almost feel like a walking tree (or a plant sim *giggles*). Sunlight nourishes me.

( I need more light in my living space )

We went to Atlanta with the intention of seeing the Tutankhamun exhibit which elya kindly got tickets for as a belated birthday present to me, but we got COMPLETELY LOST because I got directions to the High Museum (where it was last time) and not the Civic Center, so we parked at the High and started walking... 30 minutes later we looked at a map and realized we were only halfway there, and the ticket is only good for a certain entry time. I was very upset, cursing and on the edge of tears because Egypt is of great spiritual significance to me and this would be the SECOND time I had missed my chance to connect with it here. My partner comforted me by promising that we'd get tickets and go before the exhibit ends in May (this is a big sacrifice because ze hates going to Atlanta and the tickets are expensive). So as not to waste the day, we went to the Botanical Gardens by following the signs I'd spotted on our walk (surprisingly easy! we actually didn't get lost!).



( on the way down, walking through Atlanta, and exploring the gardens )

( in the conifer garden I met the most amazing tree... )

We went to Atlanta with the intention of seeing the Tutankhamun exhibit which elya kindly got tickets for as a belated birthday present to me, but we got COMPLETELY LOST because I got directions to the High Museum (where it was last time) and not the Civic Center, so we parked at the High and started walking... 30 minutes later we looked at a map and realized we were only halfway there, and the ticket is only good for a certain entry time. I was very upset, cursing and on the edge of tears because Egypt is of great spiritual significance to me and this would be the SECOND time I had missed my chance to connect with it here. My partner comforted me by promising that we'd get tickets and go before the exhibit ends in May (this is a big sacrifice because ze hates going to Atlanta and the tickets are expensive). So as not to waste the day, we went to the Botanical Gardens by following the signs I'd spotted on our walk (surprisingly easy! we actually didn't get lost!).



( on the way down, walking through Atlanta, and exploring the gardens )

( in the conifer garden I met the most amazing tree... )

We went to Atlanta with the intention of seeing the Tutankhamun exhibit which elya kindly got tickets for as a belated birthday present to me, but we got COMPLETELY LOST because I got directions to the High Museum (where it was last time) and not the Civic Center, so we parked at the High and started walking... 30 minutes later we looked at a map and realized we were only halfway there, and the ticket is only good for a certain entry time. I was very upset, cursing and on the edge of tears because Egypt is of great spiritual significance to me and this would be the SECOND time I had missed my chance to connect with it here. My partner comforted me by promising that we'd get tickets and go before the exhibit ends in May (this is a big sacrifice because ze hates going to Atlanta and the tickets are expensive). So as not to waste the day, we went to the Botanical Gardens by following the signs I'd spotted on our walk (surprisingly easy! we actually didn't get lost!).



( on the way down, walking through Atlanta, and exploring the gardens )

( in the conifer garden I met the most amazing tree... )

I've always hated waste, partly because I was very poor when I was young and partly because I want everything to have a purpose and be valued. But I didn't think about it beyond a vague dissatisfaction until I saw an article with pictures of this:

( a toxic soup of plastic in the ocean )

and it made me cry and it turned my stomach and it showed me that not only are we filling up the earth with shit in landfills, but we're also filling up our oceans. We're killing creatures with our laziness and selfishness. We're poisoning ourselves.

Since then I am constantly aware of plastic waste. WHY, WHY, WHY are so many objects intended for temporary use made with permanent materials? regular plastic takes HUNDREDS of YEARS to become useful again -- in the meantime, it is murdering our world. I do what I can to reduce, reuse, recycle, but it feels so pathetic in the face of so much complete indifference. There's a lot of apathy in the face of suffering but this gets to me so much because it is so TANGIBLE.

The local recycling business doesn't do glass (wtf??), so I save up our recyclables and take them to a place that recycles glass too. I feel so strongly about this that it makes me cringe to go to out and see people throw away a #1 or #2 plastic or glass, though I haven't quite worked up the guts to ask them for it so that I can take it home, wash it out, and save it for recycling. (and the germophobe in me finds that a little gross) However, I have been thinking about asking my neighbors if they'd like me to take their recyclables... I don't want to do it alone, is the only thing -- I'd be happy to collect and drive them to the place if I had someone to do it with. I don't like interacting with strangers alone in a private place.

When shopping, I use bags that are made from recycled plastic bottles (which makes me want to cry in mingled joy and despair! we could USE these things instead of ruining the world with them!). If I forget the bags, I get only what I can carry. I ask for paper cups rather than plastic or styrofoam, but I still feel dreadful about that -- I NEED a good reusable coffeemug! I got one and then discovered that it will not hold 20 ounces. ... Okay, just went searching and bought a 20 oz ceramic mug even though it is pricey because I NEED to be more responsible.

I really want to find some way to do more. Maybe get over my fears and become a free recycling person for my neighbors, ack!

I've always hated waste, partly because I was very poor when I was young and partly because I want everything to have a purpose and be valued. But I didn't think about it beyond a vague dissatisfaction until I saw an article with pictures of this:

( a toxic soup of plastic in the ocean )

and it made me cry and it turned my stomach and it showed me that not only are we filling up the earth with shit in landfills, but we're also filling up our oceans. We're killing creatures with our laziness and selfishness. We're poisoning ourselves.

Since then I am constantly aware of plastic waste. WHY, WHY, WHY are so many objects intended for temporary use made with permanent materials? regular plastic takes HUNDREDS of YEARS to become useful again -- in the meantime, it is murdering our world. I do what I can to reduce, reuse, recycle, but it feels so pathetic in the face of so much complete indifference. There's a lot of apathy in the face of suffering but this gets to me so much because it is so TANGIBLE.

The local recycling business doesn't do glass (wtf??), so I save up our recyclables and take them to a place that recycles glass too. I feel so strongly about this that it makes me cringe to go to out and see people throw away a #1 or #2 plastic or glass, though I haven't quite worked up the guts to ask them for it so that I can take it home, wash it out, and save it for recycling. (and the germophobe in me finds that a little gross) However, I have been thinking about asking my neighbors if they'd like me to take their recyclables... I don't want to do it alone, is the only thing -- I'd be happy to collect and drive them to the place if I had someone to do it with. I don't like interacting with strangers alone in a private place.

When shopping, I use bags that are made from recycled plastic bottles (which makes me want to cry in mingled joy and despair! we could USE these things instead of ruining the world with them!). If I forget the bags, I get only what I can carry. I ask for paper cups rather than plastic or styrofoam, but I still feel dreadful about that -- I NEED a good reusable coffeemug! I got one and then discovered that it will not hold 20 ounces. ... Okay, just went searching and bought a 20 oz ceramic mug even though it is pricey because I NEED to be more responsible.

I really want to find some way to do more. Maybe get over my fears and become a free recycling person for my neighbors, ack!

I've always hated waste, partly because I was very poor when I was young and partly because I want everything to have a purpose and be valued. But I didn't think about it beyond a vague dissatisfaction until I saw an article with pictures of this:

( a toxic soup of plastic in the ocean )

and it made me cry and it turned my stomach and it showed me that not only are we filling up the earth with shit in landfills, but we're also filling up our oceans. We're killing creatures with our laziness and selfishness. We're poisoning ourselves.

Since then I am constantly aware of plastic waste. WHY, WHY, WHY are so many objects intended for temporary use made with permanent materials? regular plastic takes HUNDREDS of YEARS to become useful again -- in the meantime, it is murdering our world. I do what I can to reduce, reuse, recycle, but it feels so pathetic in the face of so much complete indifference. There's a lot of apathy in the face of suffering but this gets to me so much because it is so TANGIBLE.

The local recycling business doesn't do glass (wtf??), so I save up our recyclables and take them to a place that recycles glass too. I feel so strongly about this that it makes me cringe to go to out and see people throw away a #1 or #2 plastic or glass, though I haven't quite worked up the guts to ask them for it so that I can take it home, wash it out, and save it for recycling. (and the germophobe in me finds that a little gross) However, I have been thinking about asking my neighbors if they'd like me to take their recyclables... I don't want to do it alone, is the only thing -- I'd be happy to collect and drive them to the place if I had someone to do it with. I don't like interacting with strangers alone in a private place.

When shopping, I use bags that are made from recycled plastic bottles (which makes me want to cry in mingled joy and despair! we could USE these things instead of ruining the world with them!). If I forget the bags, I get only what I can carry. I ask for paper cups rather than plastic or styrofoam, but I still feel dreadful about that -- I NEED a good reusable coffeemug! I got one and then discovered that it will not hold 20 ounces. ... Okay, just went searching and bought a 20 oz ceramic mug even though it is pricey because I NEED to be more responsible.

I really want to find some way to do more. Maybe get over my fears and become a free recycling person for my neighbors, ack!

On my spiritual birthday, the third day of my communication fast, I went to the Big Trees Forest Preserve. I'd never explored there alone before -- always with either Ben or Aurilion -- and exploring alone was an intense experience. More than ever before, I was able to connect with the forest, live it, feel it, breathe it. I felt so deeply welcomed and myself.

Also, I've never liked fall because any weather that requires sleeves is entirely too cold for me, and fall only promises colder and darker times to come. But this visit just made me fall in love with autumn... the riot of colors! It had just rained (was sprinkling throughout my visit, actually) and so the bark was dark with moisture and all the dead leaves had fallen, leaving only the brightest colors against the dark trunks and branches... amazing. I took half a billion photos and managed to pare it down to a little over 30.



( gloriously color-drenched photos )

At the very end of the visit, just as I was heading out to the car, I saw and felt the heartbeat of the forest. It was this incredible rainbow, swirling and pulsing at the same time. I don't know how I knew what to call it, but I just knew what it was, without hesitation... and I saw it just as I was leaving my friend pine (whose name I still haven't discovered), so I think it was my friend who opened me to it. The first time I met this pine, I was on my way out, walking along saying "I love you" to various trees, and when I said it to this one ze said (not in an audible way) "Hey! You can't just say that and walk off without giving me a chance to respond!" I stopped in my tracks, stood stunned for a second, and then laughed and walked back to the tree. I hugged zir and listened as ze told me how ze was happy to connect with me, that it made zir sad that so many walked by and ignored zir. I promised to come back again and left, because dark was falling. This time, again I did not go to the tree until I was just about to leave.

From this I realized that I still have such a habit of choking off experiences when they begin to make themselves known to me. Instead of allowing myself to fall fully into the experience, I jump away mentally and distract myself. I think this is why I only have these experiences when 1) I'm very upset, so my guards are down; 2) when some outside force is about to stop the experience anyway (such as when I am leaving the forest); or 3) when I'm sharing the experience with Aurilion. It's wonderful that I can do it at those times but I want to learn to open up to these experiences at all times. I think maybe I have a fear that I will somehow get trapped in another world and be unable to 'get back' although I'm not really sure what that means.

After realizing this I prayed/meditated and asked for a guide to make zirself known to me. Two nights later I had a dream about Geb! I can't remember it clearly (it went away almost as soon as I woke) but I remember clearly the sense I got of Geb's personality, VERY playful and teasing, mischievous, wild. I remember zir laughing, and waking up with the phrase "the great cackler" in my head. I never would have expected zir to be one of my deities but I am delighted! And I really cannot wait to learn from zir. So far that strange fear has kept me from reaching out, but I will overcome it.

On my spiritual birthday, the third day of my communication fast, I went to the Big Trees Forest Preserve. I'd never explored there alone before -- always with either Ben or Aurilion -- and exploring alone was an intense experience. More than ever before, I was able to connect with the forest, live it, feel it, breathe it. I felt so deeply welcomed and myself.

Also, I've never liked fall because any weather that requires sleeves is entirely too cold for me, and fall only promises colder and darker times to come. But this visit just made me fall in love with autumn... the riot of colors! It had just rained (was sprinkling throughout my visit, actually) and so the bark was dark with moisture and all the dead leaves had fallen, leaving only the brightest colors against the dark trunks and branches... amazing. I took half a billion photos and managed to pare it down to a little over 30.



( gloriously color-drenched photos )

At the very end of the visit, just as I was heading out to the car, I saw and felt the heartbeat of the forest. It was this incredible rainbow, swirling and pulsing at the same time. I don't know how I knew what to call it, but I just knew what it was, without hesitation... and I saw it just as I was leaving my friend pine (whose name I still haven't discovered), so I think it was my friend who opened me to it. The first time I met this pine, I was on my way out, walking along saying "I love you" to various trees, and when I said it to this one ze said (not in an audible way) "Hey! You can't just say that and walk off without giving me a chance to respond!" I stopped in my tracks, stood stunned for a second, and then laughed and walked back to the tree. I hugged zir and listened as ze told me how ze was happy to connect with me, that it made zir sad that so many walked by and ignored zir. I promised to come back again and left, because dark was falling. This time, again I did not go to the tree until I was just about to leave.

From this I realized that I still have such a habit of choking off experiences when they begin to make themselves known to me. Instead of allowing myself to fall fully into the experience, I jump away mentally and distract myself. I think this is why I only have these experiences when 1) I'm very upset, so my guards are down; 2) when some outside force is about to stop the experience anyway (such as when I am leaving the forest); or 3) when I'm sharing the experience with Aurilion. It's wonderful that I can do it at those times but I want to learn to open up to these experiences at all times. I think maybe I have a fear that I will somehow get trapped in another world and be unable to 'get back' although I'm not really sure what that means.

After realizing this I prayed/meditated and asked for a guide to make zirself known to me. Two nights later I had a dream about Geb! I can't remember it clearly (it went away almost as soon as I woke) but I remember clearly the sense I got of Geb's personality, VERY playful and teasing, mischievous, wild. I remember zir laughing, and waking up with the phrase "the great cackler" in my head. I never would have expected zir to be one of my deities but I am delighted! And I really cannot wait to learn from zir. So far that strange fear has kept me from reaching out, but I will overcome it.

On my spiritual birthday, the third day of my communication fast, I went to the Big Trees Forest Preserve. I'd never explored there alone before -- always with either Ben or Aurilion -- and exploring alone was an intense experience. More than ever before, I was able to connect with the forest, live it, feel it, breathe it. I felt so deeply welcomed and myself.

Also, I've never liked fall because any weather that requires sleeves is entirely too cold for me, and fall only promises colder and darker times to come. But this visit just made me fall in love with autumn... the riot of colors! It had just rained (was sprinkling throughout my visit, actually) and so the bark was dark with moisture and all the dead leaves had fallen, leaving only the brightest colors against the dark trunks and branches... amazing. I took half a billion photos and managed to pare it down to a little over 30.



( gloriously color-drenched photos )

At the very end of the visit, just as I was heading out to the car, I saw and felt the heartbeat of the forest. It was this incredible rainbow, swirling and pulsing at the same time. I don't know how I knew what to call it, but I just knew what it was, without hesitation... and I saw it just as I was leaving my friend pine (whose name I still haven't discovered), so I think it was my friend who opened me to it. The first time I met this pine, I was on my way out, walking along saying "I love you" to various trees, and when I said it to this one ze said (not in an audible way) "Hey! You can't just say that and walk off without giving me a chance to respond!" I stopped in my tracks, stood stunned for a second, and then laughed and walked back to the tree. I hugged zir and listened as ze told me how ze was happy to connect with me, that it made zir sad that so many walked by and ignored zir. I promised to come back again and left, because dark was falling. This time, again I did not go to the tree until I was just about to leave.

From this I realized that I still have such a habit of choking off experiences when they begin to make themselves known to me. Instead of allowing myself to fall fully into the experience, I jump away mentally and distract myself. I think this is why I only have these experiences when 1) I'm very upset, so my guards are down; 2) when some outside force is about to stop the experience anyway (such as when I am leaving the forest); or 3) when I'm sharing the experience with Aurilion. It's wonderful that I can do it at those times but I want to learn to open up to these experiences at all times. I think maybe I have a fear that I will somehow get trapped in another world and be unable to 'get back' although I'm not really sure what that means.

After realizing this I prayed/meditated and asked for a guide to make zirself known to me. Two nights later I had a dream about Geb! I can't remember it clearly (it went away almost as soon as I woke) but I remember clearly the sense I got of Geb's personality, VERY playful and teasing, mischievous, wild. I remember zir laughing, and waking up with the phrase "the great cackler" in my head. I never would have expected zir to be one of my deities but I am delighted! And I really cannot wait to learn from zir. So far that strange fear has kept me from reaching out, but I will overcome it.

Aurilion and I went to Phoenix and Dragon (a metaphysical shop and bookstore), and on the way there we passed a small sign on the far side of the road that said "Big Trees Forest Preserve." It's really quite miraculous that we even noticed it -- I believe it called to us. We both noticed and exclaimed at the same time, and decided that we would stop there on our way back.

While at Phoenix and Dragon, Aurilion found a figurine of Bastet, a Deity who had called zir earlier this visit. Witnessing that calling was such an amazing experience! I sensed something happening and sat next to Aurilion, feeling a warm golden energy slowly blossom around us. Neither of us said much, just sat together feeling this presence, and I 'heard' Bastet's name so clearly and with such power. I am always hesitant to speak that which might be someone else's sacred truth, but this was so clear I had no doubt. I still had to work myself up to saying what I had heard though ;-) Aurilion instantly confirmed that ze had heard the same name (in the stronger form, Bast) and, filled with delight, received a message from Bast. Right after, I painted Aurilion with golden dust and gave zir the magic vial I had created for zir. Ze wrote of the beautiful spiritual experiences then and at Phoenix and Dragon. I was so honored to be witness, and to feel the magic of it. ♥

We both got stones -- I got stones for two of my Deities and various stones to represent the spirit, heart, and soul of Nimajn and Aurilion. (I may photograph my sanctuary/altar and share it here; if I do I'll explain the stones) We brought them along when we started walking the trail, because I had had the idea that we could cleanse them with the dirt at the roots of a tree that called to us; but it turned out there was an even better opportunity waiting for us.

(I have Named some of the trees we met -- not explaining more just now because I'm conceiving a post on the significance of names/naming in my life)



( many many beautiful, magical photos )

It was so beautifully and lovingly kept. Created in such a way as to honor nature's design, rather than impose a new design and destroy the old... the signposts were mostly recovered wood from fallen logs & such, the bridges were constructed of the least material possible in order to blend in, rather than grab attention... the paths were mulched rather than paved (and some simply packed dirt), surely harder to upkeep but so much more natural and comfortable. I didn't see a speck of litter. I could FEEL the love put into the preserve. I would really love to meet the caretaker(s). And I can't wait to go back and explore more (we didn't go far because we were taking everything in so deeply). And this, THIS, surrounded by industrial, bustling city! Safe, forever, thanks to the reverence and generosity of one person.

Truly the most magical place I have ever been; such a beautiful example of people working with and honoring nature. ♥ ♥ ♥

Aurilion and I went to Phoenix and Dragon (a metaphysical shop and bookstore), and on the way there we passed a small sign on the far side of the road that said "Big Trees Forest Preserve." It's really quite miraculous that we even noticed it -- I believe it called to us. We both noticed and exclaimed at the same time, and decided that we would stop there on our way back.

While at Phoenix and Dragon, Aurilion found a figurine of Bastet, a Deity who had called zir earlier this visit. Witnessing that calling was such an amazing experience! I sensed something happening and sat next to Aurilion, feeling a warm golden energy slowly blossom around us. Neither of us said much, just sat together feeling this presence, and I 'heard' Bastet's name so clearly and with such power. I am always hesitant to speak that which might be someone else's sacred truth, but this was so clear I had no doubt. I still had to work myself up to saying what I had heard though ;-) Aurilion instantly confirmed that ze had heard the same name (in the stronger form, Bast) and, filled with delight, received a message from Bast. Right after, I painted Aurilion with golden dust and gave zir the magic vial I had created for zir. Ze wrote of the beautiful spiritual experiences then and at Phoenix and Dragon. I was so honored to be witness, and to feel the magic of it. ♥

We both got stones -- I got stones for two of my Deities and various stones to represent the spirit, heart, and soul of Nimajn and Aurilion. (I may photograph my sanctuary/altar and share it here; if I do I'll explain the stones) We brought them along when we started walking the trail, because I had had the idea that we could cleanse them with the dirt at the roots of a tree that called to us; but it turned out there was an even better opportunity waiting for us.

(I have Named some of the trees we met -- not explaining more just now because I'm conceiving a post on the significance of names/naming in my life)



( many many beautiful, magical photos )

It was so beautifully and lovingly kept. Created in such a way as to honor nature's design, rather than impose a new design and destroy the old... the signposts were mostly recovered wood from fallen logs & such, the bridges were constructed of the least material possible in order to blend in, rather than grab attention... the paths were mulched rather than paved (and some simply packed dirt), surely harder to upkeep but so much more natural and comfortable. I didn't see a speck of litter. I could FEEL the love put into the preserve. I would really love to meet the caretaker(s). And I can't wait to go back and explore more (we didn't go far because we were taking everything in so deeply). And this, THIS, surrounded by industrial, bustling city! Safe, forever, thanks to the reverence and generosity of one person.

Truly the most magical place I have ever been; such a beautiful example of people working with and honoring nature. ♥ ♥ ♥

Aurilion and I went to Phoenix and Dragon (a metaphysical shop and bookstore), and on the way there we passed a small sign on the far side of the road that said "Big Trees Forest Preserve." It's really quite miraculous that we even noticed it -- I believe it called to us. We both noticed and exclaimed at the same time, and decided that we would stop there on our way back.

While at Phoenix and Dragon, Aurilion found a figurine of Bastet, a Deity who had called zir earlier this visit. Witnessing that calling was such an amazing experience! I sensed something happening and sat next to Aurilion, feeling a warm golden energy slowly blossom around us. Neither of us said much, just sat together feeling this presence, and I 'heard' Bastet's name so clearly and with such power. I am always hesitant to speak that which might be someone else's sacred truth, but this was so clear I had no doubt. I still had to work myself up to saying what I had heard though ;-) Aurilion instantly confirmed that ze had heard the same name (in the stronger form, Bast) and, filled with delight, received a message from Bast. Right after, I painted Aurilion with golden dust and gave zir the magic vial I had created for zir. Ze wrote of the beautiful spiritual experiences then and at Phoenix and Dragon. I was so honored to be witness, and to feel the magic of it. ♥

We both got stones -- I got stones for two of my Deities and various stones to represent the spirit, heart, and soul of Nimajn and Aurilion. (I may photograph my sanctuary/altar and share it here; if I do I'll explain the stones) We brought them along when we started walking the trail, because I had had the idea that we could cleanse them with the dirt at the roots of a tree that called to us; but it turned out there was an even better opportunity waiting for us.

(I have Named some of the trees we met -- not explaining more just now because I'm conceiving a post on the significance of names/naming in my life)



( many many beautiful, magical photos )

It was so beautifully and lovingly kept. Created in such a way as to honor nature's design, rather than impose a new design and destroy the old... the signposts were mostly recovered wood from fallen logs & such, the bridges were constructed of the least material possible in order to blend in, rather than grab attention... the paths were mulched rather than paved (and some simply packed dirt), surely harder to upkeep but so much more natural and comfortable. I didn't see a speck of litter. I could FEEL the love put into the preserve. I would really love to meet the caretaker(s). And I can't wait to go back and explore more (we didn't go far because we were taking everything in so deeply). And this, THIS, surrounded by industrial, bustling city! Safe, forever, thanks to the reverence and generosity of one person.

Truly the most magical place I have ever been; such a beautiful example of people working with and honoring nature. ♥ ♥ ♥

There is a park near my flat which my partner and I have been going to lately, just for the sake of being in (semi-) nature. I'd always thought of it as dull and not-really-a-park because all I'd seen was a tidy little open area with picnic tables and swings. I knew there was a trail along the river, but it was eternally muddy and stinky (thanks to nearby sewers) so I never walked it despite my partner saying it was worth it.

But it does have a peaceful air for all that, so we decided to visit it on my partner's one off day the week of Aurilion's visit. The city had freshly paved the path I'd never walked, so we decided to brave the smell and see where it led, and I am SO GLAD we did. After a little ways the smell faded and oh, the woods around were beautiful! I was delighted, especially when the path ended and we walked a little ways along the riverbank, into truly wild wood.

My partner pointed things out to us (ze is amazingly observant when in natural places) -- giant spiders, a waterfall (the path was a little ways from the river), and an American Sycamore which ze said was zir favorite tree to climb. When we got to the end of the path, my partner decided to explore further and leapt up the hill with the grace of a puma -- amazingly fast! Ze told us to head back and ze would meet us, so we walked slowly back, swinging linked hands, pausing for melted kisses and photos. A good while later ze finally emerged from the woods and told us of the animal paths ze had followed, mostly in a crawl. (!!!) I loooove zir wildness, and zir openness around Aurilion, and I love love LOVE being in woods with these green-hearted people ♥ The three of us share a tree-kinship and something quietly grows and blossoms in us when we are in the woods together.

The only thing that marred the experience was ( the copious amount of litter )



( photos in the car on the way, and at the park! )

Aurilion wrote of this day in zir lilting prose-poetry ♥

There is a park near my flat which my partner and I have been going to lately, just for the sake of being in (semi-) nature. I'd always thought of it as dull and not-really-a-park because all I'd seen was a tidy little open area with picnic tables and swings. I knew there was a trail along the river, but it was eternally muddy and stinky (thanks to nearby sewers) so I never walked it despite my partner saying it was worth it.

But it does have a peaceful air for all that, so we decided to visit it on my partner's one off day the week of Aurilion's visit. The city had freshly paved the path I'd never walked, so we decided to brave the smell and see where it led, and I am SO GLAD we did. After a little ways the smell faded and oh, the woods around were beautiful! I was delighted, especially when the path ended and we walked a little ways along the riverbank, into truly wild wood.

My partner pointed things out to us (ze is amazingly observant when in natural places) -- giant spiders, a waterfall (the path was a little ways from the river), and an American Sycamore which ze said was zir favorite tree to climb. When we got to the end of the path, my partner decided to explore further and leapt up the hill with the grace of a puma -- amazingly fast! Ze told us to head back and ze would meet us, so we walked slowly back, swinging linked hands, pausing for melted kisses and photos. A good while later ze finally emerged from the woods and told us of the animal paths ze had followed, mostly in a crawl. (!!!) I loooove zir wildness, and zir openness around Aurilion, and I love love LOVE being in woods with these green-hearted people ♥ The three of us share a tree-kinship and something quietly grows and blossoms in us when we are in the woods together.

The only thing that marred the experience was ( the copious amount of litter )



( photos in the car on the way, and at the park! )

Aurilion wrote of this day in zir lilting prose-poetry ♥

There is a park near my flat which my partner and I have been going to lately, just for the sake of being in (semi-) nature. I'd always thought of it as dull and not-really-a-park because all I'd seen was a tidy little open area with picnic tables and swings. I knew there was a trail along the river, but it was eternally muddy and stinky (thanks to nearby sewers) so I never walked it despite my partner saying it was worth it.

But it does have a peaceful air for all that, so we decided to visit it on my partner's one off day the week of Aurilion's visit. The city had freshly paved the path I'd never walked, so we decided to brave the smell and see where it led, and I am SO GLAD we did. After a little ways the smell faded and oh, the woods around were beautiful! I was delighted, especially when the path ended and we walked a little ways along the riverbank, into truly wild wood.

My partner pointed things out to us (ze is amazingly observant when in natural places) -- giant spiders, a waterfall (the path was a little ways from the river), and an American Sycamore which ze said was zir favorite tree to climb. When we got to the end of the path, my partner decided to explore further and leapt up the hill with the grace of a puma -- amazingly fast! Ze told us to head back and ze would meet us, so we walked slowly back, swinging linked hands, pausing for melted kisses and photos. A good while later ze finally emerged from the woods and told us of the animal paths ze had followed, mostly in a crawl. (!!!) I loooove zir wildness, and zir openness around Aurilion, and I love love LOVE being in woods with these green-hearted people ♥ The three of us share a tree-kinship and something quietly grows and blossoms in us when we are in the woods together.

The only thing that marred the experience was ( the copious amount of litter )



( photos in the car on the way, and at the park! )

Aurilion wrote of this day in zir lilting prose-poetry ♥

I opened up spiritually in so many ways, this visit. I think that being around two open people who resonated closely with me made me so much more aware, and gave me so much faith. If I felt something, usually they felt it too; if I spoke about spiritual things they took a profound interest. I'd never experienced that before (the visit with Aurilion was similar but ze shared a lot more than I did, as I was kinda overwhelmed and used to being the listener) and it helped me to feel comfortable exploring spiritual things. My heart really opened up (and my heart is where I feel my tree-connection to be).

I also, by divine design, was reading "The Secret Life of Plants" and realizing that so much of what I have sensed spiritually is scientifically provable. Plants have sensation. They not only respond when someone harms them, they respond to thoughts, as well as to the experiences of plants near them. ( amazing facts from the book ) I'm only halfway through the book now and it has wildly changed my life. (and I have become even more convinced that eventually science and spirit will harmonize) Why was I ordered to poke around in dead pig fetuses and cut up live frogs (both of which I refused to do, to the chagrin of my lab partner) rather than learning this incredibly vital truth about our world? This book has been around for over three decades! And yet I have NEVER heard ANYONE discuss the FACT that plants do feel -- and react to thoughts and feelings of humans (and the feelings, at least, of animals and plants)!

Thanks to that book, my logic is rejoicing that at last it can dance in harmony with my spirit. And I have so much more faith that if I feel something as true in my spirit, I will find the facts to match it.

I also met several trees in Scotland that I connected with in beautiful ways. One was a black willow (one of my favorite trees) near Hannah's apartment -- it was so large and strong, it fairly glowed with health. In Anstruther, there were three sugar maples in a cemetery that radiated the most amazing energy -- we were walking by and before I even saw them, my heart leaped! I looked up to see what was so wonderful (we were passing by on a lower level street with a wall between) and felt such kinship when I laid eyes on them. All three were loving but the one that I connected with the most was the center one, which was shaped like a less-exaggerated version of the Hercules tree I dreamed about. Also in Anstruther, there was a many-trunked tree (a type which I have not been able to identify) -- upon seeing it I immediately darted over and hugged and kissed it! It had such a sense of joy and wildness about it. And I also met the stump of a tree that had been cut down for disease -- but it was growing new shoots! it did not die! I really loved sitting/standing on it and being in the space where it had stood. There were two others in the Botanic Gardens but I'll save those for a post on that day.



( photos of me and the trees )

I opened up spiritually in so many ways, this visit. I think that being around two open people who resonated closely with me made me so much more aware, and gave me so much faith. If I felt something, usually they felt it too; if I spoke about spiritual things they took a profound interest. I'd never experienced that before (the visit with Aurilion was similar but ze shared a lot more than I did, as I was kinda overwhelmed and used to being the listener) and it helped me to feel comfortable exploring spiritual things. My heart really opened up (and my heart is where I feel my tree-connection to be).

I also, by divine design, was reading "The Secret Life of Plants" and realizing that so much of what I have sensed spiritually is scientifically provable. Plants have sensation. They not only respond when someone harms them, they respond to thoughts, as well as to the experiences of plants near them. ( amazing facts from the book ) I'm only halfway through the book now and it has wildly changed my life. (and I have become even more convinced that eventually science and spirit will harmonize) Why was I ordered to poke around in dead pig fetuses and cut up live frogs (both of which I refused to do, to the chagrin of my lab partner) rather than learning this incredibly vital truth about our world? This book has been around for over three decades! And yet I have NEVER heard ANYONE discuss the FACT that plants do feel -- and react to thoughts and feelings of humans (and the feelings, at least, of animals and plants)!

Thanks to that book, my logic is rejoicing that at last it can dance in harmony with my spirit. And I have so much more faith that if I feel something as true in my spirit, I will find the facts to match it.

I also met several trees in Scotland that I connected with in beautiful ways. One was a black willow (one of my favorite trees) near Hannah's apartment -- it was so large and strong, it fairly glowed with health. In Anstruther, there were three sugar maples in a cemetery that radiated the most amazing energy -- we were walking by and before I even saw them, my heart leaped! I looked up to see what was so wonderful (we were passing by on a lower level street with a wall between) and felt such kinship when I laid eyes on them. All three were loving but the one that I connected with the most was the center one, which was shaped like a less-exaggerated version of the Hercules tree I dreamed about. Also in Anstruther, there was a many-trunked tree (a type which I have not been able to identify) -- upon seeing it I immediately darted over and hugged and kissed it! It had such a sense of joy and wildness about it. And I also met the stump of a tree that had been cut down for disease -- but it was growing new shoots! it did not die! I really loved sitting/standing on it and being in the space where it had stood. There were two others in the Botanic Gardens but I'll save those for a post on that day.



( photos of me and the trees )

I opened up spiritually in so many ways, this visit. I think that being around two open people who resonated closely with me made me so much more aware, and gave me so much faith. If I felt something, usually they felt it too; if I spoke about spiritual things they took a profound interest. I'd never experienced that before (the visit with Aurilion was similar but ze shared a lot more than I did, as I was kinda overwhelmed and used to being the listener) and it helped me to feel comfortable exploring spiritual things. My heart really opened up (and my heart is where I feel my tree-connection to be).

I also, by divine design, was reading "The Secret Life of Plants" and realizing that so much of what I have sensed spiritually is scientifically provable. Plants have sensation. They not only respond when someone harms them, they respond to thoughts, as well as to the experiences of plants near them. ( amazing facts from the book ) I'm only halfway through the book now and it has wildly changed my life. (and I have become even more convinced that eventually science and spirit will harmonize) Why was I ordered to poke around in dead pig fetuses and cut up live frogs (both of which I refused to do, to the chagrin of my lab partner) rather than learning this incredibly vital truth about our world? This book has been around for over three decades! And yet I have NEVER heard ANYONE discuss the FACT that plants do feel -- and react to thoughts and feelings of humans (and the feelings, at least, of animals and plants)!

Thanks to that book, my logic is rejoicing that at last it can dance in harmony with my spirit. And I have so much more faith that if I feel something as true in my spirit, I will find the facts to match it.

I also met several trees in Scotland that I connected with in beautiful ways. One was a black willow (one of my favorite trees) near Hannah's apartment -- it was so large and strong, it fairly glowed with health. In Anstruther, there were three sugar maples in a cemetery that radiated the most amazing energy -- we were walking by and before I even saw them, my heart leaped! I looked up to see what was so wonderful (we were passing by on a lower level street with a wall between) and felt such kinship when I laid eyes on them. All three were loving but the one that I connected with the most was the center one, which was shaped like a less-exaggerated version of the Hercules tree I dreamed about. Also in Anstruther, there was a many-trunked tree (a type which I have not been able to identify) -- upon seeing it I immediately darted over and hugged and kissed it! It had such a sense of joy and wildness about it. And I also met the stump of a tree that had been cut down for disease -- but it was growing new shoots! it did not die! I really loved sitting/standing on it and being in the space where it had stood. There were two others in the Botanic Gardens but I'll save those for a post on that day.



( photos of me and the trees )

This is the last set from Aurilion's visit in May. (I meant to post them before I left, oops) I can't believe I am going to see zir again in 8 days!



( the last day of the May visit )

This is the last set from Aurilion's visit in May. (I meant to post them before I left, oops) I can't believe I am going to see zir again in 8 days!



( the last day of the May visit )

This is the last set from Aurilion's visit in May. (I meant to post them before I left, oops) I can't believe I am going to see zir again in 8 days!



( the last day of the May visit )

The last full day of Aurilion's visit we woke up late and went to Longhorn's (as Aurilion was craving steak). That was a rather surreal experience, as I was wearing a scent which GLOWED to Aurilion (BPAL's 'Chimera' which should have been called 'Bastet' as it is golden honey lusciousness and reminds me so strongly of that deity) but we were separated by this giant table that we could hardly reach across. When we left, it was like the clink of two magnets finally released to join. We went home and I put makeup/magic on us! eeee I was absolutely enraptured with Aurilion in such colors, they expressed zir faeness so brilliantly! We had been planning to go to Red Top Mountain but it was getting too late so we went to the park again instead, and had the most beautiful time exploring and taking photos.



( portraits of Aurilion )

( photos of Aurilion and I together, plus a video )

( photos and a video of Aurilion weaving magic )