2011 was a whirlwind of growth and renewal; looking back, I cannot believe how much I've changed and how much my life has changed. I feel like I wouldn't even recognize my year-ago self. And yet so much has changed since the turn of the year... exponential change. I'm so much more fierce, nourished, confident, and aware than last year. I've created the sources for art, creativity, and intimacy that I want; I've found avenues for developing change; I've started stripping away the fear that blocked me from being a catalyst for equality.

In 2011 I gained a much deeper understanding of oppression, both historically and in its current manifestations; Kyle and I went through so many shifts, deepening our relationship and creating positive ways of managing conflict; Kyle became a feminist/equalist; I met lots of important new people; Kyle and I started doing energy work regularly on ourselves and each other; I was in continuous growth and needed rest which I didn't know how to take, so throughout the year I had several depressions and learned how to notice when I needed rest; I started hosting crafty parties! and now have a source of amazing creation in my life ♥; I met the Angel Oak, participated in a TreeSpirit shoot, and had so many incredible magical experiences with Kyle in Charleston; I realized my intersexedness in a profound way and began living it, though not sharing the details of meaning with folk (and it's still too scary to write about though I hope that will change soon); I experienced my first burn, Euphoria, and loved it -- then experienced my second, Alchemy, and did not like it; Aurilion and I had several bursts of intense connection; I fell in love with Abby and we started dating, quickly moving into a time-committed relationship; Arizona and I started dating again; Kyle and Adi started dating; I became part of the formation of a queer group on campus; I sortakinda dated Eanox for a short time; I had my first successful anti-oppression experience and felt thrilled with the possibilities of further action; I went to Transcending Boundaries with Kyle; I started forming tribe (a truly interconnected group of people all of whom were building connection with each other).

( important events in 2011 )

2011 was a whirlwind of growth and renewal; looking back, I cannot believe how much I've changed and how much my life has changed. I feel like I wouldn't even recognize my year-ago self. And yet so much has changed since the turn of the year... exponential change. I'm so much more fierce, nourished, confident, and aware than last year. I've created the sources for art, creativity, and intimacy that I want; I've found avenues for developing change; I've started stripping away the fear that blocked me from being a catalyst for equality.

In 2011 I gained a much deeper understanding of oppression, both historically and in its current manifestations; Kyle and I went through so many shifts, deepening our relationship and creating positive ways of managing conflict; Kyle became a feminist/equalist; I met lots of important new people; Kyle and I started doing energy work regularly on ourselves and each other; I was in continuous growth and needed rest which I didn't know how to take, so throughout the year I had several depressions and learned how to notice when I needed rest; I started hosting crafty parties! and now have a source of amazing creation in my life ♥; I met the Angel Oak, participated in a TreeSpirit shoot, and had so many incredible magical experiences with Kyle in Charleston; I realized my intersexedness in a profound way and began living it, though not sharing the details of meaning with folk (and it's still too scary to write about though I hope that will change soon); I experienced my first burn, Euphoria, and loved it -- then experienced my second, Alchemy, and did not like it; Aurilion and I had several bursts of intense connection; I fell in love with Abby and we started dating, quickly moving into a time-committed relationship; Arizona and I started dating again; Kyle and Adi started dating; I became part of the formation of a queer group on campus; I sortakinda dated Eanox for a short time; I had my first successful anti-oppression experience and felt thrilled with the possibilities of further action; I went to Transcending Boundaries with Kyle; I started forming tribe (a truly interconnected group of people all of whom were building connection with each other).

( important events in 2011 )

a drawing titled "Adolescence" by Norman Lindsay
& a fractal titled "Conception" by sideoutman:



2010 was such a huge year that I'm intimidated by the idea of trying to sum it up, but combining "Conception" and "Adolescence" is a good start. The fractal is expressive of a coiled, freshly-created energy and purpose, which I certainly conceived in 2010. The drawing (oh Norman Lindsay I love you <3) is full of exploration and communication and relating. I see myself in quite a few of the characters, and the harpies and sphinxes with their worshipful open faces speak to me of turning lack and mystery into love and knowledge. The horned characters make me especially happy, as the presence of Pan in my life this year has been quiet but oh-so-profound.

Last January I declared 2010 the year of passion, and oh GOD/DESS yes it was! both good and bad kinds. It started off with a BANG -- hate (which I hadn't felt in years) and fury (over the ex-partner), followed by a few months of stress and worry (mostly over finances), then a few days of delirious happiness (in an almost-triad with strong energetic exchange), then depression and anger (break-up pain and mistreatment), then an explosion of sheer joy (Arizona!) which increased (Serendipity!) and increased (Chip!) and increased (Kyle!) for two months, then contentment and productivity (living & working with Serendipity), then stress and shifting (school again! culture shock, not dating justben actively), then horrible pain (herpes AGH), then exploring/adventuring inspired by Kyle (meeting more people, going new places, having more sexperiences), then an emotional breakdown as I finally reach my coping limit (so much change! so much intensity!), then my first burn-type event!, then breaking up with Arizona, then lots of intoxication with dancing and kissing, and lots of friendship exploration (mostly in Kyle's social group).

Or, most everything I expressed gratitude for at the beginning of the year. It was DEFINITELY "filled with all the love and sex and joy and passion and boldness" that I could handle -- and I was able to handle more than I thought possible. And I certainly met more people with whom I connect deeply, and learned more about sex and the role it is to play in my life. And for the first time, I've experienced being satisfied by the amount of loving touch I get, and for the first time since the Wynnes I've felt fully understood and appreciated and accepted and desired. And I've become more comfortable sharing my art (I did photoshoots! with people I didn't know well at the time!) and became healthier. The only thing that I feel didn't increase is my understanding of my spiritual connection with nature and having my lil sis live with/near me, so those move to my 2011 presumptuous thanks :D

( important events in 2010 )

a drawing titled "Adolescence" by Norman Lindsay
& a fractal titled "Conception" by sideoutman:



2010 was such a huge year that I'm intimidated by the idea of trying to sum it up, but combining "Conception" and "Adolescence" is a good start. The fractal is expressive of a coiled, freshly-created energy and purpose, which I certainly conceived in 2010. The drawing (oh Norman Lindsay I love you <3) is full of exploration and communication and relating. I see myself in quite a few of the characters, and the harpies and sphinxes with their worshipful open faces speak to me of turning lack and mystery into love and knowledge. The horned characters make me especially happy, as the presence of Pan in my life this year has been quiet but oh-so-profound.

Last January I declared 2010 the year of passion, and oh GOD/DESS yes it was! both good and bad kinds. It started off with a BANG -- hate (which I hadn't felt in years) and fury (over the ex-partner), followed by a few months of stress and worry (mostly over finances), then a few days of delirious happiness (in an almost-triad with strong energetic exchange), then depression and anger (break-up pain and mistreatment), then an explosion of sheer joy (Arizona!) which increased (Serendipity!) and increased (Chip!) and increased (Kyle!) for two months, then contentment and productivity (living & working with Serendipity), then stress and shifting (school again! culture shock, not dating justben actively), then horrible pain (herpes AGH), then exploring/adventuring inspired by Kyle (meeting more people, going new places, having more sexperiences), then an emotional breakdown as I finally reach my coping limit (so much change! so much intensity!), then my first burn-type event!, then breaking up with Arizona, then lots of intoxication with dancing and kissing, and lots of friendship exploration (mostly in Kyle's social group).

Or, most everything I expressed gratitude for at the beginning of the year. It was DEFINITELY "filled with all the love and sex and joy and passion and boldness" that I could handle -- and I was able to handle more than I thought possible. And I certainly met more people with whom I connect deeply, and learned more about sex and the role it is to play in my life. And for the first time, I've experienced being satisfied by the amount of loving touch I get, and for the first time since the Wynnes I've felt fully understood and appreciated and accepted and desired. And I've become more comfortable sharing my art (I did photoshoots! with people I didn't know well at the time!) and became healthier. The only thing that I feel didn't increase is my understanding of my spiritual connection with nature and having my lil sis live with/near me, so those move to my 2011 presumptuous thanks :D

( important events in 2010 )

I'm sorry I've been so absent from LJ lately -- my life's just so crazy busy! I've started school (this is my third week) which has been one problem after another with financial aid and scheduling and transcript fixing, but seems to almost be settled now. I really love the intro-to-sociology professor and science 1102 professors I got, as they both passionately care about their subjects and teach creatively. I'm terrified of my developmental psychology professor because ze has created a billion hoops to jump through just to pass, and seems more invested in molding professionals than in imparting knowledge. I like my philosophy professor but I find it hard to learn from zir teaching style -- ze's not very organized in the way ze lectures. It's interesting to be getting back into school, this time with actual studying skills and motivation to learn for itself and not for grades.

I've also been very caught up in my relationship with Kyle. ( It's really complex... )

And then there's Serendipity! I'm living with (and working for) Anita & Chip & Christa & Kim & their kids now, and that's been an adventure too. I moved in six weeks ago, I think? and I just unpacked "for real" this week. I'm not quite finished (the walls are naked and there are no fairy lights up) but my room looks mine now and I feel home. (I still feel the need to live with my little sister at some point but this feels like exactly the right place for me right now) Kanika seemed instantly comfortable with it (it has such a lovely energy) though ze has yet to get along with any of the other creatures. I've been going 3-4 times a week with Anita and Christa (and occasionally Kyle) to work on painting and fixing up their old house so they can rent it out, and I love that too. I enjoy projects that feel like genuine collective effort, and being able to contribute to the household is really important to me.

So much has been happening I don't really know how to even sketch it. frecklestars came to town for a conference and I got to spend a day with zir, which was really beautiful and amazing. We'd been friends for like three years online and I was sooo nervous about meeting zir but it was just easy and sweet and I adore zir so much! I feel sure that if Kay lived close ze'd become one of my lifesharers (need to write about that term and what it means to me). We're both very busy though, so I don't think it'd work very well to interweave our lives more right now, but after this visit I feel sure that we're going to become closer in the future. Ze also seemed to really enjoy everyone at Serendipity (and vice versa) and got along famously with Kyle (I see them as having a very strong soul connection) so I am hoping ze'll come visit again as soon as ze can ;-)

I wish I had more time to communicate online but I think my LJing is going to be sporadic for a while, dunno how long. If you need to pare down your list to people who communicate pretty regularly, I understand if you cut me and I won't be upset. I'll just unfriend back and then if/when I start posting more regularly I'll add you again and you can decide if you want to start up again at that point.

I'm sorry I've been so absent from LJ lately -- my life's just so crazy busy! I've started school (this is my third week) which has been one problem after another with financial aid and scheduling and transcript fixing, but seems to almost be settled now. I really love the intro-to-sociology professor and science 1102 professors I got, as they both passionately care about their subjects and teach creatively. I'm terrified of my developmental psychology professor because ze has created a billion hoops to jump through just to pass, and seems more invested in molding professionals than in imparting knowledge. I like my philosophy professor but I find it hard to learn from zir teaching style -- ze's not very organized in the way ze lectures. It's interesting to be getting back into school, this time with actual studying skills and motivation to learn for itself and not for grades.

I've also been very caught up in my relationship with Kyle. ( It's really complex... )

And then there's Serendipity! I'm living with (and working for) Anita & Chip & Christa & Kim & their kids now, and that's been an adventure too. I moved in six weeks ago, I think? and I just unpacked "for real" this week. I'm not quite finished (the walls are naked and there are no fairy lights up) but my room looks mine now and I feel home. (I still feel the need to live with my little sister at some point but this feels like exactly the right place for me right now) Kanika seemed instantly comfortable with it (it has such a lovely energy) though ze has yet to get along with any of the other creatures. I've been going 3-4 times a week with Anita and Christa (and occasionally Kyle) to work on painting and fixing up their old house so they can rent it out, and I love that too. I enjoy projects that feel like genuine collective effort, and being able to contribute to the household is really important to me.

So much has been happening I don't really know how to even sketch it. frecklestars came to town for a conference and I got to spend a day with zir, which was really beautiful and amazing. We'd been friends for like three years online and I was sooo nervous about meeting zir but it was just easy and sweet and I adore zir so much! I feel sure that if Kay lived close ze'd become one of my lifesharers (need to write about that term and what it means to me). We're both very busy though, so I don't think it'd work very well to interweave our lives more right now, but after this visit I feel sure that we're going to become closer in the future. Ze also seemed to really enjoy everyone at Serendipity (and vice versa) and got along famously with Kyle (I see them as having a very strong soul connection) so I am hoping ze'll come visit again as soon as ze can ;-)

I wish I had more time to communicate online but I think my LJing is going to be sporadic for a while, dunno how long. If you need to pare down your list to people who communicate pretty regularly, I understand if you cut me and I won't be upset. I'll just unfriend back and then if/when I start posting more regularly I'll add you again and you can decide if you want to start up again at that point.

FINALLY I FEEL LIKE WRITING. Oh this will be quite the looooong rambly entry. I'll put it (mostly) in a lj-cut list!

( have been sick )

On a much happier note, the past two days have been HEAVENLY WARM and today driving home from work I looked at the spring green in the trees and actually started crying with joy (and am tearing up now thinking on it). Oh God/dess, the sun is back, my lover has not deserted me forever. I cannot express the intensity of my relief at feeling spring finally open up for me. Spring and summer is such magic for me... every year I get to the end of winter and wonder how I survived for months without green I can taste and heat that fills my bones and sunlight that actually touches me and breezes that sneak under the heat to lick my skin. OH GOD/DESS SUMMER IS COMING I can live again. I want to bury my fingers in warm soil and burn myself with sun-kisses and stream with heat-lust and breathe in the sex of trees. Oh my God. I love Georgian summers maybe more than I've ever loved a person. I can live without an individual person but I really think I would wither and die without these summers.

( Ash is spilling over sexual/romantic energy on me )

( I buzzed my hair which has had a strange affect on my self-image )

( feeling like a bore )

( specialness from my birthday )

( Kate and Kay sent me AMAZING MULTI-PRESENTS )

I am sheerly spoilt with amazing friends! I loooove you!

FINALLY I FEEL LIKE WRITING. Oh this will be quite the looooong rambly entry. I'll put it (mostly) in a lj-cut list!

( have been sick )

On a much happier note, the past two days have been HEAVENLY WARM and today driving home from work I looked at the spring green in the trees and actually started crying with joy (and am tearing up now thinking on it). Oh God/dess, the sun is back, my lover has not deserted me forever. I cannot express the intensity of my relief at feeling spring finally open up for me. Spring and summer is such magic for me... every year I get to the end of winter and wonder how I survived for months without green I can taste and heat that fills my bones and sunlight that actually touches me and breezes that sneak under the heat to lick my skin. OH GOD/DESS SUMMER IS COMING I can live again. I want to bury my fingers in warm soil and burn myself with sun-kisses and stream with heat-lust and breathe in the sex of trees. Oh my God. I love Georgian summers maybe more than I've ever loved a person. I can live without an individual person but I really think I would wither and die without these summers.

( Ash is spilling over sexual/romantic energy on me )

( I buzzed my hair which has had a strange affect on my self-image )

( feeling like a bore )

( specialness from my birthday )

( Kate and Kay sent me AMAZING MULTI-PRESENTS )

I am sheerly spoilt with amazing friends! I loooove you!