a drawing titled "Adolescence" by Norman Lindsay
& a fractal titled "Conception" by sideoutman:



2010 was such a huge year that I'm intimidated by the idea of trying to sum it up, but combining "Conception" and "Adolescence" is a good start. The fractal is expressive of a coiled, freshly-created energy and purpose, which I certainly conceived in 2010. The drawing (oh Norman Lindsay I love you <3) is full of exploration and communication and relating. I see myself in quite a few of the characters, and the harpies and sphinxes with their worshipful open faces speak to me of turning lack and mystery into love and knowledge. The horned characters make me especially happy, as the presence of Pan in my life this year has been quiet but oh-so-profound.

Last January I declared 2010 the year of passion, and oh GOD/DESS yes it was! both good and bad kinds. It started off with a BANG -- hate (which I hadn't felt in years) and fury (over the ex-partner), followed by a few months of stress and worry (mostly over finances), then a few days of delirious happiness (in an almost-triad with strong energetic exchange), then depression and anger (break-up pain and mistreatment), then an explosion of sheer joy (Arizona!) which increased (Serendipity!) and increased (Chip!) and increased (Kyle!) for two months, then contentment and productivity (living & working with Serendipity), then stress and shifting (school again! culture shock, not dating justben actively), then horrible pain (herpes AGH), then exploring/adventuring inspired by Kyle (meeting more people, going new places, having more sexperiences), then an emotional breakdown as I finally reach my coping limit (so much change! so much intensity!), then my first burn-type event!, then breaking up with Arizona, then lots of intoxication with dancing and kissing, and lots of friendship exploration (mostly in Kyle's social group).

Or, most everything I expressed gratitude for at the beginning of the year. It was DEFINITELY "filled with all the love and sex and joy and passion and boldness" that I could handle -- and I was able to handle more than I thought possible. And I certainly met more people with whom I connect deeply, and learned more about sex and the role it is to play in my life. And for the first time, I've experienced being satisfied by the amount of loving touch I get, and for the first time since the Wynnes I've felt fully understood and appreciated and accepted and desired. And I've become more comfortable sharing my art (I did photoshoots! with people I didn't know well at the time!) and became healthier. The only thing that I feel didn't increase is my understanding of my spiritual connection with nature and having my lil sis live with/near me, so those move to my 2011 presumptuous thanks :D

( important events in 2010 )

a drawing titled "Adolescence" by Norman Lindsay
& a fractal titled "Conception" by sideoutman:



2010 was such a huge year that I'm intimidated by the idea of trying to sum it up, but combining "Conception" and "Adolescence" is a good start. The fractal is expressive of a coiled, freshly-created energy and purpose, which I certainly conceived in 2010. The drawing (oh Norman Lindsay I love you <3) is full of exploration and communication and relating. I see myself in quite a few of the characters, and the harpies and sphinxes with their worshipful open faces speak to me of turning lack and mystery into love and knowledge. The horned characters make me especially happy, as the presence of Pan in my life this year has been quiet but oh-so-profound.

Last January I declared 2010 the year of passion, and oh GOD/DESS yes it was! both good and bad kinds. It started off with a BANG -- hate (which I hadn't felt in years) and fury (over the ex-partner), followed by a few months of stress and worry (mostly over finances), then a few days of delirious happiness (in an almost-triad with strong energetic exchange), then depression and anger (break-up pain and mistreatment), then an explosion of sheer joy (Arizona!) which increased (Serendipity!) and increased (Chip!) and increased (Kyle!) for two months, then contentment and productivity (living & working with Serendipity), then stress and shifting (school again! culture shock, not dating justben actively), then horrible pain (herpes AGH), then exploring/adventuring inspired by Kyle (meeting more people, going new places, having more sexperiences), then an emotional breakdown as I finally reach my coping limit (so much change! so much intensity!), then my first burn-type event!, then breaking up with Arizona, then lots of intoxication with dancing and kissing, and lots of friendship exploration (mostly in Kyle's social group).

Or, most everything I expressed gratitude for at the beginning of the year. It was DEFINITELY "filled with all the love and sex and joy and passion and boldness" that I could handle -- and I was able to handle more than I thought possible. And I certainly met more people with whom I connect deeply, and learned more about sex and the role it is to play in my life. And for the first time, I've experienced being satisfied by the amount of loving touch I get, and for the first time since the Wynnes I've felt fully understood and appreciated and accepted and desired. And I've become more comfortable sharing my art (I did photoshoots! with people I didn't know well at the time!) and became healthier. The only thing that I feel didn't increase is my understanding of my spiritual connection with nature and having my lil sis live with/near me, so those move to my 2011 presumptuous thanks :D

( important events in 2010 )

This weekend I went to Southeast Decompression, a mini-burn being held at The Colaboratory. It was my first burn-type experience and wow... I had such a wild time. I went with Kyle (but ze's a wanderer and so am I so we didn't spend all that much time together) and after a short wander we took our drums from the car and started drumming...

I HAVE drummed in public before but only when there were enough other people around to drown me out -- but this time I just fucking threw myself into it, didn't care at all who heard my mistakes (and there was only one other drum, so people could hear them! and people were right there! and some people were dancing to the beat I was making!) and oh GOD what a feeling. Drumming is in my BLOOD, it's me, and while I wish I was more skilled, I need to just do it anyway (and learn properly later maybe). I got so deeply into it I didn't realize how hard I was hitting or how long it went and I ended up with massive bruises on my hands (which are still hurting a lot two days later). but it was SO worth it.

( learning, drinking! )

and OH! the DANCING! the DJs were amazing and the music just kept calling to me. I love that I've gotten more fit over the summer because I was able to dance and dance until my soul was ready to stop instead of when my body demanded it!!!!!!!! THIS MAKES ME SO HAPPY!!! And I danced more freely than ever before and I felt so amazingly present and full of music and the people around me danced just as unselfconsciously. And two days later I still hurt all over my outside upper legs (I suppose my inner thighs get a workout more often, heh) and that just makes me happy.

I'm not sure how much anonymity to give people so I'm going to put all the interactions with people in a separate f-locked post :D If you wanna see it and you're not on my flist, email me (belenen at gmail) and I might send it to you (if I don't know you at all and you've never commented it's unlikely, but if we've interacted somehow I probably will).

This weekend I went to Southeast Decompression, a mini-burn being held at The Colaboratory. It was my first burn-type experience and wow... I had such a wild time. I went with Kyle (but ze's a wanderer and so am I so we didn't spend all that much time together) and after a short wander we took our drums from the car and started drumming...

I HAVE drummed in public before but only when there were enough other people around to drown me out -- but this time I just fucking threw myself into it, didn't care at all who heard my mistakes (and there was only one other drum, so people could hear them! and people were right there! and some people were dancing to the beat I was making!) and oh GOD what a feeling. Drumming is in my BLOOD, it's me, and while I wish I was more skilled, I need to just do it anyway (and learn properly later maybe). I got so deeply into it I didn't realize how hard I was hitting or how long it went and I ended up with massive bruises on my hands (which are still hurting a lot two days later). but it was SO worth it.

( learning, drinking! )

and OH! the DANCING! the DJs were amazing and the music just kept calling to me. I love that I've gotten more fit over the summer because I was able to dance and dance until my soul was ready to stop instead of when my body demanded it!!!!!!!! THIS MAKES ME SO HAPPY!!! And I danced more freely than ever before and I felt so amazingly present and full of music and the people around me danced just as unselfconsciously. And two days later I still hurt all over my outside upper legs (I suppose my inner thighs get a workout more often, heh) and that just makes me happy.

I'm not sure how much anonymity to give people so I'm going to put all the interactions with people in a separate f-locked post :D If you wanna see it and you're not on my flist, email me (belenen at gmail) and I might send it to you (if I don't know you at all and you've never commented it's unlikely, but if we've interacted somehow I probably will).