( blatherings about happiness over LJing again ) I'd forgotten just how RICH it is to write here, and how wonderful I feel when I look at my journal and see my thoughts painted out and framed. It's been bugging me for a long time that I haven't been writing but I just haven't had the pull because most of my LJ inspirations have also been posting less (or moved to dreamwidth, which I could just never get into because I couldn't take my custom style with me and I'm so attached to it). Now I've been talking to Hannah, which sort of puts me in the right mindspace for writing, and I've gotten back in contact with Aurilion, who is writing (♥ ♥ ♥!!!) in the style I do, which makes me feel all kinds of fingersmacky.

( talk about stress )

( talk about body changes )

Also Serendipity has adopted Kanika, or perhaps the other way around. I went to visit this weekend and 'Nika had pretty clearly decided that Arizona is zir new person (though ze was excited to see me and went back and forth, so I've not been forgotten), and as they were willing to keep zir, it seemed right. I'll miss zir a lot but I know ze will be happier in one place and I'll probably keep being a tumbleweed so it would just stress us both out.

( blatherings about happiness over LJing again ) I'd forgotten just how RICH it is to write here, and how wonderful I feel when I look at my journal and see my thoughts painted out and framed. It's been bugging me for a long time that I haven't been writing but I just haven't had the pull because most of my LJ inspirations have also been posting less (or moved to dreamwidth, which I could just never get into because I couldn't take my custom style with me and I'm so attached to it). Now I've been talking to Hannah, which sort of puts me in the right mindspace for writing, and I've gotten back in contact with Aurilion, who is writing (♥ ♥ ♥!!!) in the style I do, which makes me feel all kinds of fingersmacky.

( talk about stress )

( talk about body changes )

Also Serendipity has adopted Kanika, or perhaps the other way around. I went to visit this weekend and 'Nika had pretty clearly decided that Arizona is zir new person (though ze was excited to see me and went back and forth, so I've not been forgotten), and as they were willing to keep zir, it seemed right. I'll miss zir a lot but I know ze will be happier in one place and I'll probably keep being a tumbleweed so it would just stress us both out.

I've had my LJ since 2003 -- more than four years now. Over that time I've made an incredible journey thanks to my LJing ways. Not long after I started my LJ I decided that I wanted to be more open and honest, and that I wanted to use my journal as a way to reach that goal. I began to share my thoughts and feelings publicly, which was very difficult at first; but as I shared, I grew closer to my friends and they became more supportive, which made me able to share deeper levels of myself. The rare attack served to strengthen me, because I stood up for myself with the validation of my friends. In 'real' life I became more outgoing and confident, because I had learned that people respond positively to confident vulnerability and earnestness, and that the occasional negative reaction cannot possibly overwhelm all the positive reactions.

The more open and honest I become, the more I value transparency. It extends to every part of my life -- I dislike secrets, do not care for privacy, and cannot stand lies. I don't believe that there is a such thing as TMI because I don't think anything should be taboo to speak of. I do not like hiding in any way -- concealing makeup, figure-altering clothing (or indeed, any clothing at all), keeping quiet when my spirit demands that I speak up, acting strong when I am weak, etc. I want to be on the outside the same as I am on the inside. There have been times when I have been afraid to post something because I worried that my friends list might react negatively; I saw those topics as a challenge, and once I had gathered enough courage I posted them.

My outspokenness has caused issues in my face-to-face relationships, but the only thing that has caused a significant issue here on LJ is my love of nudity. I've lost a handful of friends over it, one which I really miss (the others not so much). I take nude self-portraits and model for art nudes, and I share the images online. I consider nudity natural and pure (though it has been fetishized by society); some do not share my opinion and consider it crass or even wicked. Others are comfortable with the idea of nude modeling, but are made uncomfortable by me posting the images in my journal and using nude icons. I have made the compromise of putting large nude photos under an lj-cut that is labeled with a warning, but I will not give up my nude icons. Icons are a person's image on LJ, and nudity as pure art is a very important part of who I am.

When I realize my actions are making someone uncomfortable, I consider changing. I weigh how important the issue is to me with how much it bothers the other person, and why. If it is not an important part of my being and that person is speaking for themselves, I am happy to change to accommodate a friend. However, if the issue concerns something that I consider a vital part of who I am, I will change it for no one. For instance, I will not lie for someone (except perhaps in a life and death situation). Also, if I consider the person to be speaking for society instead of speaking for themselves, I am not likely to change because I do not care about society. I don't have to worry much about that one because I don't really attract those who tend to speak for society; I attract those who, like me, enjoy having their mindsets upended.


( NWS for nudity of course -- a self-portrait from my latest series )

LJ idol topic 10: "Whose LJ is it anyway?" ((if you liked/got something from this, please vote for me))

I've had my LJ since 2003 -- more than four years now. Over that time I've made an incredible journey thanks to my LJing ways. Not long after I started my LJ I decided that I wanted to be more open and honest, and that I wanted to use my journal as a way to reach that goal. I began to share my thoughts and feelings publicly, which was very difficult at first; but as I shared, I grew closer to my friends and they became more supportive, which made me able to share deeper levels of myself. The rare attack served to strengthen me, because I stood up for myself with the validation of my friends. In 'real' life I became more outgoing and confident, because I had learned that people respond positively to confident vulnerability and earnestness, and that the occasional negative reaction cannot possibly overwhelm all the positive reactions.

The more open and honest I become, the more I value transparency. It extends to every part of my life -- I dislike secrets, do not care for privacy, and cannot stand lies. I don't believe that there is a such thing as TMI because I don't think anything should be taboo to speak of. I do not like hiding in any way -- concealing makeup, figure-altering clothing (or indeed, any clothing at all), keeping quiet when my spirit demands that I speak up, acting strong when I am weak, etc. I want to be on the outside the same as I am on the inside. There have been times when I have been afraid to post something because I worried that my friends list might react negatively; I saw those topics as a challenge, and once I had gathered enough courage I posted them.

My outspokenness has caused issues in my face-to-face relationships, but the only thing that has caused a significant issue here on LJ is my love of nudity. I've lost a handful of friends over it, one which I really miss (the others not so much). I take nude self-portraits and model for art nudes, and I share the images online. I consider nudity natural and pure (though it has been fetishized by society); some do not share my opinion and consider it crass or even wicked. Others are comfortable with the idea of nude modeling, but are made uncomfortable by me posting the images in my journal and using nude icons. I have made the compromise of putting large nude photos under an lj-cut that is labeled with a warning, but I will not give up my nude icons. Icons are a person's image on LJ, and nudity as pure art is a very important part of who I am.

When I realize my actions are making someone uncomfortable, I consider changing. I weigh how important the issue is to me with how much it bothers the other person, and why. If it is not an important part of my being and that person is speaking for themselves, I am happy to change to accommodate a friend. However, if the issue concerns something that I consider a vital part of who I am, I will change it for no one. For instance, I will not lie for someone (except perhaps in a life and death situation). Also, if I consider the person to be speaking for society instead of speaking for themselves, I am not likely to change because I do not care about society. I don't have to worry much about that one because I don't really attract those who tend to speak for society; I attract those who, like me, enjoy having their mindsets upended.


( NWS for nudity of course -- a self-portrait from my latest series )

LJ idol topic 10: "Whose LJ is it anyway?" ((if you liked/got something from this, please vote for me))

I've had my LJ since 2003 -- more than four years now. Over that time I've made an incredible journey thanks to my LJing ways. Not long after I started my LJ I decided that I wanted to be more open and honest, and that I wanted to use my journal as a way to reach that goal. I began to share my thoughts and feelings publicly, which was very difficult at first; but as I shared, I grew closer to my friends and they became more supportive, which made me able to share deeper levels of myself. The rare attack served to strengthen me, because I stood up for myself with the validation of my friends. In 'real' life I became more outgoing and confident, because I had learned that people respond positively to confident vulnerability and earnestness, and that the occasional negative reaction cannot possibly overwhelm all the positive reactions.

The more open and honest I become, the more I value transparency. It extends to every part of my life -- I dislike secrets, do not care for privacy, and cannot stand lies. I don't believe that there is a such thing as TMI because I don't think anything should be taboo to speak of. I do not like hiding in any way -- concealing makeup, figure-altering clothing (or indeed, any clothing at all), keeping quiet when my spirit demands that I speak up, acting strong when I am weak, etc. I want to be on the outside the same as I am on the inside. There have been times when I have been afraid to post something because I worried that my friends list might react negatively; I saw those topics as a challenge, and once I had gathered enough courage I posted them.

My outspokenness has caused issues in my face-to-face relationships, but the only thing that has caused a significant issue here on LJ is my love of nudity. I've lost a handful of friends over it, one which I really miss (the others not so much). I take nude self-portraits and model for art nudes, and I share the images online. I consider nudity natural and pure (though it has been fetishized by society); some do not share my opinion and consider it crass or even wicked. Others are comfortable with the idea of nude modeling, but are made uncomfortable by me posting the images in my journal and using nude icons. I have made the compromise of putting large nude photos under an lj-cut that is labeled with a warning, but I will not give up my nude icons. Icons are a person's image on LJ, and nudity as pure art is a very important part of who I am.

When I realize my actions are making someone uncomfortable, I consider changing. I weigh how important the issue is to me with how much it bothers the other person, and why. If it is not an important part of my being and that person is speaking for themselves, I am happy to change to accommodate a friend. However, if the issue concerns something that I consider a vital part of who I am, I will change it for no one. For instance, I will not lie for someone (except perhaps in a life and death situation). Also, if I consider the person to be speaking for society instead of speaking for themselves, I am not likely to change because I do not care about society. I don't have to worry much about that one because I don't really attract those who tend to speak for society; I attract those who, like me, enjoy having their mindsets upended.


( NWS for nudity of course -- a self-portrait from my latest series )

LJ idol topic 10: "Whose LJ is it anyway?" ((if you liked/got something from this, please vote for me))

A month or two ago, I was very attached to LJ -- too much really. I had started censoring myself because I didn't want to lose any of you; you had become more important to me than my own freedom. Then I started distancing myself, not intentionally, but I just lost interest, probably because of my lack of freedom. Now I've gotten over all of that, and I care about your opinions but not to an unhealthy point anymore. Which is a huge relief.

Not really related: the past few days I've been thinking about going private with my LJ. Just stopping all the friend-part of it and using it as a journal only... I doubt I actually will... especially since that wouldn't really be a solution.

See, even though I'm not putting your opinions above my expression, I feel like I invest too much in you. Quite a few of you mean so much to me; it feels like I'm taking you too seriously, and I'm embarrassed about it. I shouldn't be, but I am. It has always seemed pathetic to me to care a lot about someone who cares only a little about you. And I don't know how to explain this without sounding whiny, so let me just say that this is not a plea for more attention... it's just me fighting with myself on how much it is okay for me to love people I've never met.

One of you I just recently friended (less than two months ago), and even though you haven't posted a lot of soul-exposing stuff in the short time that we've been friended, I feel like I have a really good feel for the person who you are, and I adore you. I'd love to have you come stay a week with me -- and by all accounts I know you not at all.

Does anyone else ever fall in love with people by mere intuition?

Maybe I'm feeling like this because I'm depressed -- hopefully my feelings on this will change when I climb back up to stability.

A month or two ago, I was very attached to LJ -- too much really. I had started censoring myself because I didn't want to lose any of you; you had become more important to me than my own freedom. Then I started distancing myself, not intentionally, but I just lost interest, probably because of my lack of freedom. Now I've gotten over all of that, and I care about your opinions but not to an unhealthy point anymore. Which is a huge relief.

Not really related: the past few days I've been thinking about going private with my LJ. Just stopping all the friend-part of it and using it as a journal only... I doubt I actually will... especially since that wouldn't really be a solution.

See, even though I'm not putting your opinions above my expression, I feel like I invest too much in you. Quite a few of you mean so much to me; it feels like I'm taking you too seriously, and I'm embarrassed about it. I shouldn't be, but I am. It has always seemed pathetic to me to care a lot about someone who cares only a little about you. And I don't know how to explain this without sounding whiny, so let me just say that this is not a plea for more attention... it's just me fighting with myself on how much it is okay for me to love people I've never met.

One of you I just recently friended (less than two months ago), and even though you haven't posted a lot of soul-exposing stuff in the short time that we've been friended, I feel like I have a really good feel for the person who you are, and I adore you. I'd love to have you come stay a week with me -- and by all accounts I know you not at all.

Does anyone else ever fall in love with people by mere intuition?

Maybe I'm feeling like this because I'm depressed -- hopefully my feelings on this will change when I climb back up to stability.

A month or two ago, I was very attached to LJ -- too much really. I had started censoring myself because I didn't want to lose any of you; you had become more important to me than my own freedom. Then I started distancing myself, not intentionally, but I just lost interest, probably because of my lack of freedom. Now I've gotten over all of that, and I care about your opinions but not to an unhealthy point anymore. Which is a huge relief.

Not really related: the past few days I've been thinking about going private with my LJ. Just stopping all the friend-part of it and using it as a journal only... I doubt I actually will... especially since that wouldn't really be a solution.

See, even though I'm not putting your opinions above my expression, I feel like I invest too much in you. Quite a few of you mean so much to me; it feels like I'm taking you too seriously, and I'm embarrassed about it. I shouldn't be, but I am. It has always seemed pathetic to me to care a lot about someone who cares only a little about you. And I don't know how to explain this without sounding whiny, so let me just say that this is not a plea for more attention... it's just me fighting with myself on how much it is okay for me to love people I've never met.

One of you I just recently friended (less than two months ago), and even though you haven't posted a lot of soul-exposing stuff in the short time that we've been friended, I feel like I have a really good feel for the person who you are, and I adore you. I'd love to have you come stay a week with me -- and by all accounts I know you not at all.

Does anyone else ever fall in love with people by mere intuition?

Maybe I'm feeling like this because I'm depressed -- hopefully my feelings on this will change when I climb back up to stability.