FINALLY I FEEL LIKE WRITING. Oh this will be quite the looooong rambly entry. I'll put it (mostly) in a lj-cut list!

( have been sick )

On a much happier note, the past two days have been HEAVENLY WARM and today driving home from work I looked at the spring green in the trees and actually started crying with joy (and am tearing up now thinking on it). Oh God/dess, the sun is back, my lover has not deserted me forever. I cannot express the intensity of my relief at feeling spring finally open up for me. Spring and summer is such magic for me... every year I get to the end of winter and wonder how I survived for months without green I can taste and heat that fills my bones and sunlight that actually touches me and breezes that sneak under the heat to lick my skin. OH GOD/DESS SUMMER IS COMING I can live again. I want to bury my fingers in warm soil and burn myself with sun-kisses and stream with heat-lust and breathe in the sex of trees. Oh my God. I love Georgian summers maybe more than I've ever loved a person. I can live without an individual person but I really think I would wither and die without these summers.

( Ash is spilling over sexual/romantic energy on me )

( I buzzed my hair which has had a strange affect on my self-image )

( feeling like a bore )

( specialness from my birthday )

( Kate and Kay sent me AMAZING MULTI-PRESENTS )

I am sheerly spoilt with amazing friends! I loooove you!

O dear. I like Maggie -- a lot :-? Ze took me to pick up my car at the last minute today, and ze GAVE ME A BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Not just anything either, a so-thoughtful present -- after ONE CONVERSATION. (the one I mentioned here) We'd talked briefly about makeup and I explained that my love for makeup came from my love for color and I liked BRIGHT vivid colors. So ze got me this eye stuff that you put on under shadow to make it brighter and more intense! And a deep shimmery purple shadow also. Presents that say "I listened and paid attention to even your casual mentions" are just... wow. Which reminds me, justben brought me pushpins the other day after I mentioned (in a long blathery post) that I had run out! I was just flabbergasted by how thoughtful that was! ♥ and oh-so-charmed :D

( complicatedness, loneliness )

And you know what? If I had been honest with myself and all of you about the utter lack of emotional nourishment in my relationship with [ex], I know some of you would have kicked my ass into a breakup sooner :-p I think this ended at the right time this time, but I still want to learn from this and remember not self-censor like that again. It took me reaching the very end to confess to myself that utter neglect IS a good reason to end things.

So I had the worst Christmas of my life (crying almost all day in rage and pain over the ex) BUT there was an incredibly beautiful gift that helped me get through it ♥ Ash had the amazing idea of contacting quite a few of my friends and asking them to send images that ze could use to make ornaments for me. Ze and S gave me little hints for like a week, and then the day before Christmas Eve, S lugged a tree up the stairs and they decorated it with the printed-out images and awesome ornaments made by Nikki from recycled (♥!) Christmas cards and various lovely little bits. Ash hasn't forwarded the emails yet so I am not sure who all participated, but S gave me two little black cats (in honor of 'Nika, whom ze refers to as "devil cat"), Anna sent me three GORGEOUS glass angel ornaments, Shel made a DARLING little felt star, Kate sent in a photo of zirself standing in the snow holding a Merry Christmas sign (eeeee!!!!!), Kay sent in three photos of zirself (eye, hands-in-a-heart, and face with a little sign that said "James!"), Kelley sent a photo of zirself making a hands-in-a-heart sign, and I know that SabR, Angie, Jess, Jen, Deb, Celina, Karen, Gayle, Anika, and several others participated but I am not sure who sent what. When I get the emails I will probably post the images ;-) Also Celina and Jen and Anna sent me Christmas cards ♥ I was so so so so touched by the idea and by all the people who participated, thank you so so so much loves. I so needed that and I will treasure my little handmade (and hand-chosen) ornaments forever! ♥ Also S is going to take the tree to be made into mulch later which makes me happier, no waste ♥ You are all so wonderful and I LOOOOOOOOOOOVE you, thank you so much ♥ *kisses*

Oh, and lil sis gave me an AMAZING delicate antique-looking metal pipe which has a decoration that looks like Cthulhu (to me) which I so totally intend to use, a glass leaf pendant (which I wear backwards to show off the swirly green), and pretty little paper scrolls. I love love love how those gifts are all so me! Oh, and the bioparents sent me some money so I bought myself Radiohead's "The Bends" and Dolores O'Riordan's "No Baggage" and Aqualung's "Strange and Beautiful" from the used CD store (pretty awesome finds, especially the new Dolores album!) :D

Happy Birthday redarmy_pariah!!! I hope it is absolutely amazingly wonderful, like you deserve ;-)

I can't remember if I ever thanked you for the AMAZING gifts you sent me, which is shameful because they were overwhelmingly loving and thoughtful! The sketch you did of Angelina is GORGEOUS and so very accurate! (I need to take a photo so I can show it off here) You are outrageously talented, missy! And the ancient Egyptian Book of the Dead is the most beautiful copy I have ever seen -- fantastic color images, readable print, in a large non-hardcover size (thus easy to read)! I had been wanting one for untold ages and never even come across one so beautiful. and I loved the dragonflies! and then of course the bat puppet, like baby-bel fell in love with all those ages ago -- omg, that made my eyes well up! ♥ I really hope someone makes you feel as special today as you made me feel the day I got your present *hugs!*

Happy Birthday redarmy_pariah!!! I hope it is absolutely amazingly wonderful, like you deserve ;-)

I can't remember if I ever thanked you for the AMAZING gifts you sent me, which is shameful because they were overwhelmingly loving and thoughtful! The sketch you did of Angelina is GORGEOUS and so very accurate! (I need to take a photo so I can show it off here) You are outrageously talented, missy! And the ancient Egyptian Book of the Dead is the most beautiful copy I have ever seen -- fantastic color images, readable print, in a large non-hardcover size (thus easy to read)! I had been wanting one for untold ages and never even come across one so beautiful. and I loved the dragonflies! and then of course the bat puppet, like baby-bel fell in love with all those ages ago -- omg, that made my eyes well up! ♥ I really hope someone makes you feel as special today as you made me feel the day I got your present *hugs!*

Happy April 1st -- don't let anyone fool you today, heh. (don't think I've ever attempted an April Fool's joke, doubt I ever will -- even if I tried it would fail miserably because I can't lie worth a damn)

So. I was going to take more photos to go along with this, but I have been on a nocturnal schedule which makes taking photos difficult (am natural-light obsessed). I have some belated thank-yous for birthday gifts! In the order they arrived:

jenniology sent me an AMAZING painting of two Egyptian women/goddesses! One in green with a lotus circlet, and one in red with the sundisk and horns on her head (Isis or Hathor?). It's on papyrus! so I'm keeping it wrapped up until I get a good frame for it. Jenny, this is SUCH an amazing gift! Nothing thrills me more than being given original art, especially by the artist hirself! ♥ Thank you a million times! And thank you for the sweet card.

kmiotutsie gave me a stained glass star, which is... WOW so amazing! I have it hanging on the wall in my living room right now, but soon it is going in my sanctuary ♥ that I DO have photos of. ( five photos! ) & she also got me a crystal pendant which is really awesome because I had been craving one. I'm not sure what I want it for yet... not just for wearing, I might make it into a pendulum. Thank you so much Firekat! You rock! You know me so well. :D

cynosis sent me a wonderful mix CD with a long hand-written note! including the important parts of lyrics. I have only listened to a few songs so far but I am LOVING what I've heard. (holy crap, the song "Nara" is thrilling me down to my bones, wow, shivers) And the note means a LOT because I LOVE having samples of people's handwriting. It's like a little piece of you, a little expression of your individuality. Thank you Cynosis!

mme_furiosa sent me a postcard from Sri Lanka!!! How cool is that? It's from a Moken village, where a once nomadic people now lives. She chose it because she and I both have gypsy spirits ♥ Thanks Francesca!

In other news, I got a HealthRider for myself from craigslist for $35, haha! My parents had one when I was a teen, and I used to listen to music and use it and go into an absolute trance. It is FUN, no I'm totally not kidding. It is like a combination swing and see-saw and it totally brings out my little kid self! I love it! They should have named it the FunRider -- but then all the people who want to punish their bodies rather than enjoy them wouldn't have gotten it, heh. It's so fun! I'm really wishing I could take it to Glasgow with me so that I could share it with Hannah. Ben likes it too :D

Happy April 1st -- don't let anyone fool you today, heh. (don't think I've ever attempted an April Fool's joke, doubt I ever will -- even if I tried it would fail miserably because I can't lie worth a damn)

So. I was going to take more photos to go along with this, but I have been on a nocturnal schedule which makes taking photos difficult (am natural-light obsessed). I have some belated thank-yous for birthday gifts! In the order they arrived:

jenniology sent me an AMAZING painting of two Egyptian women/goddesses! One in green with a lotus circlet, and one in red with the sundisk and horns on her head (Isis or Hathor?). It's on papyrus! so I'm keeping it wrapped up until I get a good frame for it. Jenny, this is SUCH an amazing gift! Nothing thrills me more than being given original art, especially by the artist hirself! ♥ Thank you a million times! And thank you for the sweet card.

kmiotutsie gave me a stained glass star, which is... WOW so amazing! I have it hanging on the wall in my living room right now, but soon it is going in my sanctuary ♥ that I DO have photos of. ( five photos! ) & she also got me a crystal pendant which is really awesome because I had been craving one. I'm not sure what I want it for yet... not just for wearing, I might make it into a pendulum. Thank you so much Firekat! You rock! You know me so well. :D

cynosis sent me a wonderful mix CD with a long hand-written note! including the important parts of lyrics. I have only listened to a few songs so far but I am LOVING what I've heard. (holy crap, the song "Nara" is thrilling me down to my bones, wow, shivers) And the note means a LOT because I LOVE having samples of people's handwriting. It's like a little piece of you, a little expression of your individuality. Thank you Cynosis!

mme_furiosa sent me a postcard from Sri Lanka!!! How cool is that? It's from a Moken village, where a once nomadic people now lives. She chose it because she and I both have gypsy spirits ♥ Thanks Francesca!

In other news, I got a HealthRider for myself from craigslist for $35, haha! My parents had one when I was a teen, and I used to listen to music and use it and go into an absolute trance. It is FUN, no I'm totally not kidding. It is like a combination swing and see-saw and it totally brings out my little kid self! I love it! They should have named it the FunRider -- but then all the people who want to punish their bodies rather than enjoy them wouldn't have gotten it, heh. It's so fun! I'm really wishing I could take it to Glasgow with me so that I could share it with Hannah. Ben likes it too :D

I've felt so blocked for the past week! I think it may be because I was on a weird schedule (for me) -- going to bed at like 7 or 8 pm and getting up 12 hours later. (I'm actually able to write now since it's past midnight. I am a daughter of the Night!) and I am frustrated because I've been trying to reply to comments but I keep stalling out, and I don't want to get more behind! I know you would forgive me but it bothers me to leave comments unacknowledged.

anyway. I went and applied for the passport, which was so much easier than I thought it would be. I felt very brave, driving to a new place all alone and handling it all without too much stressing out. I talked to strangers comfortably as I waited in line, and then chatted with the (friendly!) lady who handled my application. Yay me! *applauds self*

I've also been decorating myself more -- I went and bought a ton of scarves from goodwill to use as head & hip scarves, and I've been buying makeup here and there. I found this amazing shimmery sheer shadow that works PERFECTLY for my under-eye decoration. I have very thin skin under my eyes and no matter how much sleep I get or how healthy I am, I always have purple there. I used to try to hide it with concealer, but since I no longer believe in concealer I have accepted my purple shadows as part of my face and decorate them instead of trying to hide them. They're now one of my favorite features! With shimmery shadow to highlight them, they make me look quite fey. ( see? )

Also! Hannah's last package finally showed up yesterday so we got on the phone and had a present-opening festival (her b-day is 8 days from mine). We both took photos of our presents 'cause we're like that XD.

( presents from hannahface )

She loved the presents I got her too :D I got her something glow-in-the-dark too, and toys, and a CD, heh -- theme? ;-) We're such wild little children. Every day that passes I get a little more excited about seeing her again. And Nick-n-Kate-n-Meliae! eeeeeeee!!! *hyperhophop*

I want to post about my spirituality -- I keep wanting to, mentally composing entries, and then not doing it. I don't know why! Maybe because I don't fit into any one religion (or even two) so sharing it publicly might make me feel more aware of my aloneness? Maybe because there is just so MUCH and I don't know where to start? I dunno. But that's one of my goals so I hope to get started soon. if you'd be interested, please let me know because I think that would help to motivate me (thanks ever so much a_singularity for your questions! they gave me a good head start on a post).

I made up a little flyer and posted it on the church bulletin board, hoping to find more people around and maybe start a weekly get-together to discuss our similarities/differences/new-thoughts. I've had one person contact me so far, I responded but haven't heard back yet. Hope this works out better than meetup! ;-)

I've felt so blocked for the past week! I think it may be because I was on a weird schedule (for me) -- going to bed at like 7 or 8 pm and getting up 12 hours later. (I'm actually able to write now since it's past midnight. I am a daughter of the Night!) and I am frustrated because I've been trying to reply to comments but I keep stalling out, and I don't want to get more behind! I know you would forgive me but it bothers me to leave comments unacknowledged.

anyway. I went and applied for the passport, which was so much easier than I thought it would be. I felt very brave, driving to a new place all alone and handling it all without too much stressing out. I talked to strangers comfortably as I waited in line, and then chatted with the (friendly!) lady who handled my application. Yay me! *applauds self*

I've also been decorating myself more -- I went and bought a ton of scarves from goodwill to use as head & hip scarves, and I've been buying makeup here and there. I found this amazing shimmery sheer shadow that works PERFECTLY for my under-eye decoration. I have very thin skin under my eyes and no matter how much sleep I get or how healthy I am, I always have purple there. I used to try to hide it with concealer, but since I no longer believe in concealer I have accepted my purple shadows as part of my face and decorate them instead of trying to hide them. They're now one of my favorite features! With shimmery shadow to highlight them, they make me look quite fey. ( see? )

Also! Hannah's last package finally showed up yesterday so we got on the phone and had a present-opening festival (her b-day is 8 days from mine). We both took photos of our presents 'cause we're like that XD.

( presents from hannahface )

She loved the presents I got her too :D I got her something glow-in-the-dark too, and toys, and a CD, heh -- theme? ;-) We're such wild little children. Every day that passes I get a little more excited about seeing her again. And Nick-n-Kate-n-Meliae! eeeeeeee!!! *hyperhophop*

I want to post about my spirituality -- I keep wanting to, mentally composing entries, and then not doing it. I don't know why! Maybe because I don't fit into any one religion (or even two) so sharing it publicly might make me feel more aware of my aloneness? Maybe because there is just so MUCH and I don't know where to start? I dunno. But that's one of my goals so I hope to get started soon. if you'd be interested, please let me know because I think that would help to motivate me (thanks ever so much a_singularity for your questions! they gave me a good head start on a post).

I made up a little flyer and posted it on the church bulletin board, hoping to find more people around and maybe start a weekly get-together to discuss our similarities/differences/new-thoughts. I've had one person contact me so far, I responded but haven't heard back yet. Hope this works out better than meetup! ;-)

Why the 'ewwwww' icon? I've been sick the past couple of days *coughs, wipes eyes, sneezes, blows nose* and Ben has been taking care of me ♥ I've always had a very strong constitution and rarely get sick -- when I do I am miiiiiiiserable and I hate everything. I'm starting to get better now, thanks to a lot of sleep, water, and love. It really means a lot to me that Ben has been extra sweet, because I revert to a four-year-old when sick and get lonely and cry if I don't get taken care of (luckily it only happens about once a year), and because it is such a marked change in him. I didn't have to ask him to be extra kind; he just was! I called him at work to ask him to get me some soup on his way home and he cheerfully agreed, and said, "don't worry, I'll take care of you." *melts* And he cuddled me without me asking, and offered to go out especially to get me something, and genuinely showed concern every now and then (he used to forget if we weren't actually talking about it). And he went way out of his way to get me a chai ♥ ♥ ♥

I shipped out very-belated Christmas presents on Monday but un-cleverly didn't put my name on them (only my legal name on the outside) so if you get a package from GA, it's me! ;-) It is a 2008 goal of mine to prepare further in advance and FOR REAL get them shipped by December 13th. Also, if you didn't get anything, it's not because I don't love you. ( ... )

This is my tenth post in a week! That's what you get for telling me to post whenever I feel like it. and I'm liking it. I'm still restraining myself a bit because I want to try and keep up with comments better, but it feels good to let flow more... and I have so many posts that I've held back over time because #1) I didn't feel inspired enough to complete them or #2) I wanted to wait and make sure that each post got attention or #3) I didn't want to annoy/bore any of my flist. Lately I have inspiration, don't feel the need to nurture each post so much, and have a sudden freedom from worrying that I will annoy/bore you. :D

While I'm here, vote please?

Why the 'ewwwww' icon? I've been sick the past couple of days *coughs, wipes eyes, sneezes, blows nose* and Ben has been taking care of me ♥ I've always had a very strong constitution and rarely get sick -- when I do I am miiiiiiiserable and I hate everything. I'm starting to get better now, thanks to a lot of sleep, water, and love. It really means a lot to me that Ben has been extra sweet, because I revert to a four-year-old when sick and get lonely and cry if I don't get taken care of (luckily it only happens about once a year), and because it is such a marked change in him. I didn't have to ask him to be extra kind; he just was! I called him at work to ask him to get me some soup on his way home and he cheerfully agreed, and said, "don't worry, I'll take care of you." *melts* And he cuddled me without me asking, and offered to go out especially to get me something, and genuinely showed concern every now and then (he used to forget if we weren't actually talking about it). And he went way out of his way to get me a chai ♥ ♥ ♥

I shipped out very-belated Christmas presents on Monday but un-cleverly didn't put my name on them (only my legal name on the outside) so if you get a package from GA, it's me! ;-) It is a 2008 goal of mine to prepare further in advance and FOR REAL get them shipped by December 13th. Also, if you didn't get anything, it's not because I don't love you. ( ... )

This is my tenth post in a week! That's what you get for telling me to post whenever I feel like it. and I'm liking it. I'm still restraining myself a bit because I want to try and keep up with comments better, but it feels good to let flow more... and I have so many posts that I've held back over time because #1) I didn't feel inspired enough to complete them or #2) I wanted to wait and make sure that each post got attention or #3) I didn't want to annoy/bore any of my flist. Lately I have inspiration, don't feel the need to nurture each post so much, and have a sudden freedom from worrying that I will annoy/bore you. :D

While I'm here, vote please?

Ben and I went out to our favorite Mexican restaurant this weekend and as usual the food was fantastic and the service was amazing. Even though they were very busy, the waiter kept up with us very well. And my mouth is watering thinking of the food! Somehow it tasted yummier than usual. Anyway, the greatest part was when we went to pay and the owner (I know his name but I can't remember it right now) told us that it was his treat, Merry Christmas! :D :D :D I thought that was so very wonderful! I was just absolutely beaming. (we made sure to tip anyway, of course) Yay for kind & generous people using Christmas as a reason to be even more kind and generous. ♥

and speaking of giving Christmas cheer, I finally have most of my presents wrapped but none of them are shipped and some of them haven't even gotten to ME yet (I like to buy online), so they're all going to be late. It's my way of extending the holidays. *snicker*

Also! A million belated thanks to roina_arwen for the delicious mint chocolate cookies -- you're quite the baker! -- and the lovely notebook! Many many thanks to little_ph0enix for
Daughters of Isis & Initiation -- I can't wait to read them! I've entered an Egypt phase, it seems, as I started (re)reading the Ramses series last week. Thanks for the fresh additions to my knowledge bank! And thanks to sunshinepill for the gorgeous polaroid -- now I have one of your originals. *glee* Don't worry, I will keep it even when you get famous and I could make a killing off of it. :D Thanks also to bluebl00d and bornbeautiful for the cards! You're all so wonderful to me I could just explode.

Ben and I went out to our favorite Mexican restaurant this weekend and as usual the food was fantastic and the service was amazing. Even though they were very busy, the waiter kept up with us very well. And my mouth is watering thinking of the food! Somehow it tasted yummier than usual. Anyway, the greatest part was when we went to pay and the owner (I know his name but I can't remember it right now) told us that it was his treat, Merry Christmas! :D :D :D I thought that was so very wonderful! I was just absolutely beaming. (we made sure to tip anyway, of course) Yay for kind & generous people using Christmas as a reason to be even more kind and generous. ♥

and speaking of giving Christmas cheer, I finally have most of my presents wrapped but none of them are shipped and some of them haven't even gotten to ME yet (I like to buy online), so they're all going to be late. It's my way of extending the holidays. *snicker*

Also! A million belated thanks to roina_arwen for the delicious mint chocolate cookies -- you're quite the baker! -- and the lovely notebook! Many many thanks to little_ph0enix for
Daughters of Isis & Initiation -- I can't wait to read them! I've entered an Egypt phase, it seems, as I started (re)reading the Ramses series last week. Thanks for the fresh additions to my knowledge bank! And thanks to sunshinepill for the gorgeous polaroid -- now I have one of your originals. *glee* Don't worry, I will keep it even when you get famous and I could make a killing off of it. :D Thanks also to bluebl00d and bornbeautiful for the cards! You're all so wonderful to me I could just explode.

A few weeks ago I rearranged our bedroom, turning it from a place I hated to a place I love! Ben is much happier too -- now it feels like we have two rooms instead of only the living room. I created a photo-tour of my bedroom, because a video would require clothing due to the mirrors. And this is easier!

( photo-tour of my bedroom )

And now I shriek with joy because OMG PRESENTS!!!! From Kate (clown_frog) and Firekat (kmiotutsie)!!! Kate sent me a glitter bar (YAY!!!! glitter-wearing is so magical ♥), giant purple bath-fizzy ball, HENNA kit (can't wait to try it!), a bunch of stick-on wooden ladybugs (ladybugs always remind me of my childhood, I remember seeing a family of them in the bark of a tree and being absolutely delighted), cinnamon votives (that REALLY SMELL LIKE CINNAMON OMG, and strong too!!! I am going to use them in my sanctuary ♥ ♥ ♥), and best of all, a clear violet glass perfume vial. It is so incredibly delicate and wonder-of-all-wonders, made it here perfectly intact! All the way from Scotland! And that is magic from God/dess if I have ever seen it.

( the delicate violet-tinted vial! )

And from Firekat!!! A Mercedes Lackey book (a staple of fantasy reading, whom I've never tried!), Inga Muscio's Cunt (borrowed and read most of it, now yay I can finish it! plus who wouldn't want Cunt on her shelf?), a GORGEOUS mini-journal with handmade paper and a vivid-violet & burgandy cover, three lovely deep purple agate slices, and... a violet and emerald translucent glass gazing ball!!! also completely undamaged! I am soooooo loved!!! Firekat said she prayed that it would get here safely, and it's perfect. ♥ I'm awed!

( the violet & emerald glass ball! )

A few weeks ago I rearranged our bedroom, turning it from a place I hated to a place I love! Ben is much happier too -- now it feels like we have two rooms instead of only the living room. I created a photo-tour of my bedroom, because a video would require clothing due to the mirrors. And this is easier!

( photo-tour of my bedroom )

And now I shriek with joy because OMG PRESENTS!!!! From Kate (clown_frog) and Firekat (kmiotutsie)!!! Kate sent me a glitter bar (YAY!!!! glitter-wearing is so magical ♥), giant purple bath-fizzy ball, HENNA kit (can't wait to try it!), a bunch of stick-on wooden ladybugs (ladybugs always remind me of my childhood, I remember seeing a family of them in the bark of a tree and being absolutely delighted), cinnamon votives (that REALLY SMELL LIKE CINNAMON OMG, and strong too!!! I am going to use them in my sanctuary ♥ ♥ ♥), and best of all, a clear violet glass perfume vial. It is so incredibly delicate and wonder-of-all-wonders, made it here perfectly intact! All the way from Scotland! And that is magic from God/dess if I have ever seen it.

( the delicate violet-tinted vial! )

And from Firekat!!! A Mercedes Lackey book (a staple of fantasy reading, whom I've never tried!), Inga Muscio's Cunt (borrowed and read most of it, now yay I can finish it! plus who wouldn't want Cunt on her shelf?), a GORGEOUS mini-journal with handmade paper and a vivid-violet & burgandy cover, three lovely deep purple agate slices, and... a violet and emerald translucent glass gazing ball!!! also completely undamaged! I am soooooo loved!!! Firekat said she prayed that it would get here safely, and it's perfect. ♥ I'm awed!

( the violet & emerald glass ball! )

Life has been stressssss-FUL lately. Mainly financial stuff... Ben and I were counting on him being promoted into management now, and it didn't happen. Two less-qualified people were promoted over him, a black man and a white woman, and he feels sure it was because of political reasons (race/sex quotas). (He knows the two people: their history, temperament, and qualifications) He spoke with his manager and his manager gave the impression that he agreed. Ben was pretty irritated about it... but I feel that sometimes injustice is the only way to make up for injustice. I would probably be more upset if it was ME who got left behind, because I'd feel hurt that my managers didn't make it happen for me, but as it is, I'm okay with it. I am definitely feeling the pinch of this, and it's not right -- but I feel it is necessary. This one time, those two people may have been favored, but usually, they will have to deal with a hell of a lot more oppression and discrimination than Ben (and myself, as his dependent) will. It shouldn't have happened, especially not to Ben because he was absolutely the best person for the position, but if it tips the scales a little bit more toward equality, I think it's a necessary wrong. Dunno how long my stance on that would hold if it happened over and over though, heh.

I am upset over not having money though. I have a veryvery late birthday present for 'Kenzie that has been sitting here and I haven't had the money to send it off, and then Hannah, Kate, Meliae's birthdays went by and I couldn't get anything :-( And then there is the stress of bills hanging over our heads, and the car desperately needs repair... and I need to spend time with Hannah, not want, NEED. I'm not willing to go back to Wal-Mart, and with sharing one car that we can't drive any more than absolutely necessary, getting a job elsewhere is not realistic. We're hoping that Ben gets this other position that just opened up, but he hasn't been interviewed yet so that is up in the air. He said he'd enjoy that one a lot more than the other so we're reeeeeeeeeeally hoping... otherwise we have to scrape by until April when the next management opening comes up. So please pray or send positive energy his way about that, it would make our lives so incredibly much better.

The financial stuff has the effect of leaving me housebound, which is a rather depressing thing for me, especially since I REALLY want to spend time with SabR and Kazi... but I've had positivity come into my life in the form of my friends. Last week my monitor turned very greenish (thank you Murphy), and I told Kazi about it, who told Brian, who drove allllll the way over to give me his extra monitor AND look at my car. I was so happy that he went out of his way for me like that. AND I got my birthday present from Kate!!! I will save describing it for when I have photos but lemme tell you, I am just THRILLED!!!

( ashley/lily stuff )

Life has been stressssss-FUL lately. Mainly financial stuff... Ben and I were counting on him being promoted into management now, and it didn't happen. Two less-qualified people were promoted over him, a black man and a white woman, and he feels sure it was because of political reasons (race/sex quotas). (He knows the two people: their history, temperament, and qualifications) He spoke with his manager and his manager gave the impression that he agreed. Ben was pretty irritated about it... but I feel that sometimes injustice is the only way to make up for injustice. I would probably be more upset if it was ME who got left behind, because I'd feel hurt that my managers didn't make it happen for me, but as it is, I'm okay with it. I am definitely feeling the pinch of this, and it's not right -- but I feel it is necessary. This one time, those two people may have been favored, but usually, they will have to deal with a hell of a lot more oppression and discrimination than Ben (and myself, as his dependent) will. It shouldn't have happened, especially not to Ben because he was absolutely the best person for the position, but if it tips the scales a little bit more toward equality, I think it's a necessary wrong. Dunno how long my stance on that would hold if it happened over and over though, heh.

I am upset over not having money though. I have a veryvery late birthday present for 'Kenzie that has been sitting here and I haven't had the money to send it off, and then Hannah, Kate, Meliae's birthdays went by and I couldn't get anything :-( And then there is the stress of bills hanging over our heads, and the car desperately needs repair... and I need to spend time with Hannah, not want, NEED. I'm not willing to go back to Wal-Mart, and with sharing one car that we can't drive any more than absolutely necessary, getting a job elsewhere is not realistic. We're hoping that Ben gets this other position that just opened up, but he hasn't been interviewed yet so that is up in the air. He said he'd enjoy that one a lot more than the other so we're reeeeeeeeeeally hoping... otherwise we have to scrape by until April when the next management opening comes up. So please pray or send positive energy his way about that, it would make our lives so incredibly much better.

The financial stuff has the effect of leaving me housebound, which is a rather depressing thing for me, especially since I REALLY want to spend time with SabR and Kazi... but I've had positivity come into my life in the form of my friends. Last week my monitor turned very greenish (thank you Murphy), and I told Kazi about it, who told Brian, who drove allllll the way over to give me his extra monitor AND look at my car. I was so happy that he went out of his way for me like that. AND I got my birthday present from Kate!!! I will save describing it for when I have photos but lemme tell you, I am just THRILLED!!!

( ashley/lily stuff )

Christmas 2006

magic! ♥

( more photos )

and my loot! XD I am still so thrilled about this ♥ ♥ ♥ Oh what the hell, I'll "show not tell":

( my miraculous presents! )

why miraculous? because Miss K gave me (and my partner) credit at a used book store as a present, and we went there day after Christmas and they had the LAST THREE Torey Hayden books, the only ones I didn't have!!!!!!!! 'coincidences' like this are why it's easy for me to believe in God/dess and the power of the unseen. just holy wonder, seriously. I exclaimed over the miracle and my partner was all 'yeah that's great' but Miss K agreed with me as I gushed over how fabulous her present was. Miracles don't have to save someone's life, sometimes they're just God/dess's way of showing you love.

( more presents! )

I love love love used books. If they cost the same I'd still prefer a used book over a new one. Used ones have a history, and if they're a powerful book then they have absorbed the emotion of another reader, which heightens my own emotion in reading it. I feel like I am experiencing the book along with the former reader. And if they're old in addition to being used, they have that old book smell that is an emotional aphrodisiac to any bibliophile. The only way I ever buy a new book is if I can't find a used copy or I need it in a tearing hurry. Or if I'm getting it as a present for someone who doesn't feel the same way about used books, heh.

Christmas 2006

magic! ♥

( more photos )

and my loot! XD I am still so thrilled about this ♥ ♥ ♥ Oh what the hell, I'll "show not tell":

( my miraculous presents! )

why miraculous? because Miss K gave me (and my partner) credit at a used book store as a present, and we went there day after Christmas and they had the LAST THREE Torey Hayden books, the only ones I didn't have!!!!!!!! 'coincidences' like this are why it's easy for me to believe in God/dess and the power of the unseen. just holy wonder, seriously. I exclaimed over the miracle and my partner was all 'yeah that's great' but Miss K agreed with me as I gushed over how fabulous her present was. Miracles don't have to save someone's life, sometimes they're just God/dess's way of showing you love.

( more presents! )

I love love love used books. If they cost the same I'd still prefer a used book over a new one. Used ones have a history, and if they're a powerful book then they have absorbed the emotion of another reader, which heightens my own emotion in reading it. I feel like I am experiencing the book along with the former reader. And if they're old in addition to being used, they have that old book smell that is an emotional aphrodisiac to any bibliophile. The only way I ever buy a new book is if I can't find a used copy or I need it in a tearing hurry. Or if I'm getting it as a present for someone who doesn't feel the same way about used books, heh.

and now a mega-belated appreciation post! in random order because I don't remember whose arrived when:

( gorgeous purple silk shoulder bag with shimmery embroidered flowers )

valynn send me this utterly gorgeous bag. It's impossible to photograph correctly, but it's sooooooo beautiful. I immediately started using it when I got it, and I smile and think of Valynn every time I use it. Oh! And she sent it in a purple envelope! ;-D Thank you soooooo much Valynn, it was so very thoughtful. ♥

( Heather Nova CD from Nisha! )

invisibleglue sent me this CD, and I promptly listened to the entire thing (re-listening right now). It's more folksy than I usually like, but I really like Heather's voice and turn of phrase (I will be your misfit queen) and I feel just honored that Nisha shared her with me. ♥

( 2 lovely bookmarks, a sparkly dragonfly pin, and a purple etched shell )

darkpool send me these two bookmarks (which I had to take out of my two current reads to photograph) which are both so beautiful and so me. The spring green of the butterfly one is a color that means a lot to me, and the celestial patterns of the other one are just so intricate, and appeal to my love of night. The dragonfly is elegant and stylized without losing it's fierceness, and the shell just holds so much mystery to me. Anything oceanic calls to me... I used to daydream of being able to breathe underwater, living in the ocean. Thank you so much for all the thought and love you put into this present, Kyra. ♥

( a thick book and artwork from Kate! )

clown_frog blew. me. away. with this amazing Christmas/birthday present. That portrait of me? She painted it. Yeah! And then sent me the original (it's miniature, about 4x5 inches or 10x13cm) The original!!!! The colors are actually more vivid, but I had to take a photo since I don't yet have a working scanner. What really gets me are the eyes... she captured the true color of my eyes without ever seeing them in person. I love this painting so much, I think it is my most treasured material possession. AND she sent a thick book (which I have not yet read because I am simply glutted with reading material lately, I'm in the middle of about 6 books right now) ANDANDAND!!!!! She made a video of herself telling me happy birthday and talking a little and OMG she is so darn cute and I feel soooooooooooooooo special because she's so shy that that was quite a gift! *hugs the floppy* Kate, you are an absolute darling and I adore you! ♥ ♥ ♥ I so can't wait to meet you. ;-)

( a shower of presents from my hannah-love! )

shmee_ put so much positivity into this package. ;-) The butterfly in the middle was wound up inside the card and flew out, showering me with glitter, when I opened it! I shrieked and then giggled delightedly, of course. And stickers and a gorgeous faery card (filled with glitter and confetti of course) and a fae promise, and the beautiful journal filled with hannah-energy and embossed with a silver dragonfly, which is sort of the 'totem' (forgive me if I misuse the word) of both of us. I am intimidated by that journal though, because it is just so special that I can't bring myself to mark in it... but I will. It meant a lot to hannah and she chose to give it to me, which I view as a very sweet sacrifice which I will not waste. (and dammit I forgot to include the awesome bracelet hannah made me! I will have to photograph it soon)
( the garnet-winged fae and faery box )

But my favorite of her gifts is the faery pendant. ♥ hannah has one just like it, which makes me feel connected to her every time I wear my fae. I named her Shylana, and I wear her on a silver chain that drops her right above my heart. I wear her on days when I need to feel connected and strong and full of feminine creative magic. (red is, to me, the color of female power) She made the long trip from Belgium to Georgia in the little green box with a glow-in-the-dark fae on the top. I told hannah of my fascination with glow-in-the-dark things and she remembered and found this little treasure for me. ♥ ♥ ♥ hannah, you shine such a light in my life. ♥

( my updated postcard wall -- no longer all stiff and ordered! with Kate's painting framed in the center )

although it's already outdated because I got Nisha's lovely postcard today (thank you lovely!), but my 'rechargable' (hah!) batteries are teh dead so I shall have to take another pic soon. I still have the dreamcatcher Anika made me hanging in my corner... it speaks of love and generosity to me. The friendship may be over, but I no longer feel any anguish over that, and all the good is still cherished in my heart. (I did take the postcard down though -- that one from her city is from someone else. I have limited postcard space and some of you *looks out sternly* still owe me postcards!)
( my desk with all its reminders of love )

I feel like I'm forgetting something important... if you sent me something and I didn't mention it, I know it meant a lot to me but my brain is quite scrambled right now.

and now a mega-belated appreciation post! in random order because I don't remember whose arrived when:

( gorgeous purple silk shoulder bag with shimmery embroidered flowers )

valynn send me this utterly gorgeous bag. It's impossible to photograph correctly, but it's sooooooo beautiful. I immediately started using it when I got it, and I smile and think of Valynn every time I use it. Oh! And she sent it in a purple envelope! ;-D Thank you soooooo much Valynn, it was so very thoughtful. ♥

( Heather Nova CD from Nisha! )

invisibleglue sent me this CD, and I promptly listened to the entire thing (re-listening right now). It's more folksy than I usually like, but I really like Heather's voice and turn of phrase (I will be your misfit queen) and I feel just honored that Nisha shared her with me. ♥

( 2 lovely bookmarks, a sparkly dragonfly pin, and a purple etched shell )

darkpool send me these two bookmarks (which I had to take out of my two current reads to photograph) which are both so beautiful and so me. The spring green of the butterfly one is a color that means a lot to me, and the celestial patterns of the other one are just so intricate, and appeal to my love of night. The dragonfly is elegant and stylized without losing it's fierceness, and the shell just holds so much mystery to me. Anything oceanic calls to me... I used to daydream of being able to breathe underwater, living in the ocean. Thank you so much for all the thought and love you put into this present, Kyra. ♥

( a thick book and artwork from Kate! )

clown_frog blew. me. away. with this amazing Christmas/birthday present. That portrait of me? She painted it. Yeah! And then sent me the original (it's miniature, about 4x5 inches or 10x13cm) The original!!!! The colors are actually more vivid, but I had to take a photo since I don't yet have a working scanner. What really gets me are the eyes... she captured the true color of my eyes without ever seeing them in person. I love this painting so much, I think it is my most treasured material possession. AND she sent a thick book (which I have not yet read because I am simply glutted with reading material lately, I'm in the middle of about 6 books right now) ANDANDAND!!!!! She made a video of herself telling me happy birthday and talking a little and OMG she is so darn cute and I feel soooooooooooooooo special because she's so shy that that was quite a gift! *hugs the floppy* Kate, you are an absolute darling and I adore you! ♥ ♥ ♥ I so can't wait to meet you. ;-)

( a shower of presents from my hannah-love! )

shmee_ put so much positivity into this package. ;-) The butterfly in the middle was wound up inside the card and flew out, showering me with glitter, when I opened it! I shrieked and then giggled delightedly, of course. And stickers and a gorgeous faery card (filled with glitter and confetti of course) and a fae promise, and the beautiful journal filled with hannah-energy and embossed with a silver dragonfly, which is sort of the 'totem' (forgive me if I misuse the word) of both of us. I am intimidated by that journal though, because it is just so special that I can't bring myself to mark in it... but I will. It meant a lot to hannah and she chose to give it to me, which I view as a very sweet sacrifice which I will not waste. (and dammit I forgot to include the awesome bracelet hannah made me! I will have to photograph it soon)
( the garnet-winged fae and faery box )

But my favorite of her gifts is the faery pendant. ♥ hannah has one just like it, which makes me feel connected to her every time I wear my fae. I named her Shylana, and I wear her on a silver chain that drops her right above my heart. I wear her on days when I need to feel connected and strong and full of feminine creative magic. (red is, to me, the color of female power) She made the long trip from Belgium to Georgia in the little green box with a glow-in-the-dark fae on the top. I told hannah of my fascination with glow-in-the-dark things and she remembered and found this little treasure for me. ♥ ♥ ♥ hannah, you shine such a light in my life. ♥

( my updated postcard wall -- no longer all stiff and ordered! with Kate's painting framed in the center )

although it's already outdated because I got Nisha's lovely postcard today (thank you lovely!), but my 'rechargable' (hah!) batteries are teh dead so I shall have to take another pic soon. I still have the dreamcatcher Anika made me hanging in my corner... it speaks of love and generosity to me. The friendship may be over, but I no longer feel any anguish over that, and all the good is still cherished in my heart. (I did take the postcard down though -- that one from her city is from someone else. I have limited postcard space and some of you *looks out sternly* still owe me postcards!)
( my desk with all its reminders of love )

I feel like I'm forgetting something important... if you sent me something and I didn't mention it, I know it meant a lot to me but my brain is quite scrambled right now.

This is my Christmas thank-you post. ♥ I have SO. MANY. beautiful people in my life. I am the most blessed person ever, really. I need to look at my blessings more often because DAYUM!

Oh how much I love you. If I could bottle my love it would easily replace electricity all over the world for a day. When I really think about it, I get filled with so much energy that it makes me want to SCREAM! just to let it out. I need more outlets for my love, really. You all live too damn far away for me to be able to pour into your lives. I think maybe I should start visiting the local nursing home... My family always did that at Christmas time, and I totally forgot this year. That was probably my favorite thing about my family... and the last time I did it I felt God so close. And now I am actually confident enough to believe that they really would want me to visit, which means that I could even do it without the excuse of Christmas. hmm.

I have no idea of the order that these arrived in, so I'm going to go randomly through them:
Thank you wallbrat and 12thknight for the paidaccount gifts!
Thank you darling boobiequeen for the photo that I've been wanting for over a year! It's on my wall, and you can see proof in the photos further down in this post. ;-)
aubkabob, dahling, thank you ever so for the card, it made me giggle in true Aubka fashion. ;-D
camilleyun, you are so incredibly utterly kind, I loooooved getting your PURPLE christmas card with such sweet words. Thank you thank you -- I am so glad I get to know you better.
eternitywaiting, OMFG yo, you are AMAZINK! I was worried when I got the package, because I suspected it was jewelry and I don't usually like to get jewelry as presents 'cause I am teh jewelry snob artist -- but I should have known. eeeeeeeee PURPLE eeeeeeeeeeeeee DRAGONFLY!!!!! You wonderful wonderful lovely darling! And I loved it already, but then I realized that the shards in the wings are DICHROIC GLASS. Dichroic glass is to Bel what candy is to a 3-year-old -- !!! Thank you! *many kisses*
( photos of the necklace/earrings )

valynn!!! You just stunned me with your generosity and especially with including Ben! He was feeling left out with all of my friends sending me stuff while he got no mail, and your lovely thoughtful gift card really made him happy. ThankyouX80million!!!
darkpool, wow. You made me feel SO LOVED!!!!! Everything was so perfect and so suited me! I love the bottles, they went straight into my sanctuary, along with the candle holders. And the book will DEFINITELY come in handy, yay! and the note that came along with it just made everything 10 times as meaningful. I love that you got me the bookmark because you relate me with vibrancy. ♥ You blew me away. AND THE GYPSY KEYRING!!! wow. I think you hit just about every love of mine. ♥
( a photo of darkpool's presents )

maladroitkat, do you know how many times I picked up that book and almost bought it? At least four times! I suppose it was meant to be a gift from you to me, and I love it, thank you thank you! And the second book, OMG, gypsies AND egypt AND a deep theme???? I SO can't WAIT to read it!!! thank you!!!
( a photo of m-kat's presents )

alariya, darling, do you know how much I love you for giving to me when you are struggling so much? The act of giving meant even more to me than the awesome CD. (which would NOT photograph, mlurg)
lil_e_beth, thank you for the Christmas card, you're such a sweetheart! Did you make it? it's pretty. ;-)
ohsaycanyousay, thank you for the card -- you are amazing, I so appreciate you going to the trouble for me when your own life is tumultuous.
invisibleglue, I love the pendant! I don't know why, really -- it just reminds me of something a fae or dryad would wear. I love it, I doooo, thank you sweetheart! (that's what inspired the 'what charm would you be' poll -- I was thinking of making an lj-friend necklace) And I was so delighted by the tiny bow and darling wrapping! such an adorable thing, I actually saved the part of the wrapping with the mini-bow and mini-card, because it was just too damn cute to throw away.
( a photo of the pendant )

aslan_fan, I adore that keyring! "I am a nut" -- Dr. Talkavich quotes are forever golden. ;-D and I still haven't tried the tea, but I am so looking forward to it! And more than anything, decorating the apartment with frenetik was just such a sweet gift, and it really meant a lot to me.
( photos of elya's and Ben's family's gifts )

frenetik, dunno why I'm referring to your journal when you probably won't read this, but nevertheless, thank you, my love. You AMAZED me with how perfect your gifts were! Limited edition purple duct tape! and purple glass, and cinnamon candles, and purple paint, and the scents from BPAL. but most of all, my warrior faery. ♥ You are the BEST HUSBAND EVER, all the time and not just right now, and I treasure you.
( photos of Ben's presents, including the delightfully detailed fae )

and Rebecca, I know you won't read this, but I love you for thinking of me and choosing such perfect gifts. I am sure I'm going to frame the purple & green dragonfly photo, it's just incredibly beautiful and incredibly me. And I suspect that you put coins in the machine until you got the dragonfly tattoo, and I think that's one of the sweetest things anyone has ever done for me.
( a photo of rebecca's presents )

AND Ben's parents got us a fancy-fancy toaster oven, which will probably save us a ton on energy since we won't have to use the oven for everything. So very wonderful!
( and last but not least, my rearranged living room with the decorations that elya and Ben put up! )
( one last photo -- my updated postcard wall! )

This is my Christmas thank-you post. ♥ I have SO. MANY. beautiful people in my life. I am the most blessed person ever, really. I need to look at my blessings more often because DAYUM!

Oh how much I love you. If I could bottle my love it would easily replace electricity all over the world for a day. When I really think about it, I get filled with so much energy that it makes me want to SCREAM! just to let it out. I need more outlets for my love, really. You all live too damn far away for me to be able to pour into your lives. I think maybe I should start visiting the local nursing home... My family always did that at Christmas time, and I totally forgot this year. That was probably my favorite thing about my family... and the last time I did it I felt God so close. And now I am actually confident enough to believe that they really would want me to visit, which means that I could even do it without the excuse of Christmas. hmm.

I have no idea of the order that these arrived in, so I'm going to go randomly through them:
Thank you wallbrat and 12thknight for the paidaccount gifts!
Thank you darling boobiequeen for the photo that I've been wanting for over a year! It's on my wall, and you can see proof in the photos further down in this post. ;-)
aubkabob, dahling, thank you ever so for the card, it made me giggle in true Aubka fashion. ;-D
camilleyun, you are so incredibly utterly kind, I loooooved getting your PURPLE christmas card with such sweet words. Thank you thank you -- I am so glad I get to know you better.
eternitywaiting, OMFG yo, you are AMAZINK! I was worried when I got the package, because I suspected it was jewelry and I don't usually like to get jewelry as presents 'cause I am teh jewelry snob artist -- but I should have known. eeeeeeeee PURPLE eeeeeeeeeeeeee DRAGONFLY!!!!! You wonderful wonderful lovely darling! And I loved it already, but then I realized that the shards in the wings are DICHROIC GLASS. Dichroic glass is to Bel what candy is to a 3-year-old -- !!! Thank you! *many kisses*
( photos of the necklace/earrings )

valynn!!! You just stunned me with your generosity and especially with including Ben! He was feeling left out with all of my friends sending me stuff while he got no mail, and your lovely thoughtful gift card really made him happy. ThankyouX80million!!!
darkpool, wow. You made me feel SO LOVED!!!!! Everything was so perfect and so suited me! I love the bottles, they went straight into my sanctuary, along with the candle holders. And the book will DEFINITELY come in handy, yay! and the note that came along with it just made everything 10 times as meaningful. I love that you got me the bookmark because you relate me with vibrancy. ♥ You blew me away. AND THE GYPSY KEYRING!!! wow. I think you hit just about every love of mine. ♥
( a photo of darkpool's presents )

maladroitkat, do you know how many times I picked up that book and almost bought it? At least four times! I suppose it was meant to be a gift from you to me, and I love it, thank you thank you! And the second book, OMG, gypsies AND egypt AND a deep theme???? I SO can't WAIT to read it!!! thank you!!!
( a photo of m-kat's presents )

alariya, darling, do you know how much I love you for giving to me when you are struggling so much? The act of giving meant even more to me than the awesome CD. (which would NOT photograph, mlurg)
lil_e_beth, thank you for the Christmas card, you're such a sweetheart! Did you make it? it's pretty. ;-)
ohsaycanyousay, thank you for the card -- you are amazing, I so appreciate you going to the trouble for me when your own life is tumultuous.
invisibleglue, I love the pendant! I don't know why, really -- it just reminds me of something a fae or dryad would wear. I love it, I doooo, thank you sweetheart! (that's what inspired the 'what charm would you be' poll -- I was thinking of making an lj-friend necklace) And I was so delighted by the tiny bow and darling wrapping! such an adorable thing, I actually saved the part of the wrapping with the mini-bow and mini-card, because it was just too damn cute to throw away.
( a photo of the pendant )

aslan_fan, I adore that keyring! "I am a nut" -- Dr. Talkavich quotes are forever golden. ;-D and I still haven't tried the tea, but I am so looking forward to it! And more than anything, decorating the apartment with frenetik was just such a sweet gift, and it really meant a lot to me.
( photos of elya's and Ben's family's gifts )

frenetik, dunno why I'm referring to your journal when you probably won't read this, but nevertheless, thank you, my love. You AMAZED me with how perfect your gifts were! Limited edition purple duct tape! and purple glass, and cinnamon candles, and purple paint, and the scents from BPAL. but most of all, my warrior faery. ♥ You are the BEST HUSBAND EVER, all the time and not just right now, and I treasure you.
( photos of Ben's presents, including the delightfully detailed fae )

and Rebecca, I know you won't read this, but I love you for thinking of me and choosing such perfect gifts. I am sure I'm going to frame the purple & green dragonfly photo, it's just incredibly beautiful and incredibly me. And I suspect that you put coins in the machine until you got the dragonfly tattoo, and I think that's one of the sweetest things anyone has ever done for me.
( a photo of rebecca's presents )

AND Ben's parents got us a fancy-fancy toaster oven, which will probably save us a ton on energy since we won't have to use the oven for everything. So very wonderful!
( and last but not least, my rearranged living room with the decorations that elya and Ben put up! )
( one last photo -- my updated postcard wall! )

Yes, this is a jazzed-up version of last year's banner, but it's so perfect because this year I got that photo as a Christmas present! yay! Thank you again Danielle!

I'm going to sleep and when I wake up I get to open presents from some of you, I am so so so so so excited! And I get to open my presents from Ben! And hopefully he will love the presents I got him. and then (and I am ridiculously excited about this) I am so calling some of you to wish you Merry Christmas and to hear (if I sent and you got my present) how happy you are!

By the way, I say 'Merry Christmas' because that is the holiday I celebrate. If you don't celebrate Christmas, feel free to wish me a Happy Hannukuh or a Cheerful Solstice or just a Joyful Winter (although that's kinda an oxymoron). I will be delighted just the same. ;-)

I love you all.
♥

Yes, this is a jazzed-up version of last year's banner, but it's so perfect because this year I got that photo as a Christmas present! yay! Thank you again Danielle!

I'm going to sleep and when I wake up I get to open presents from some of you, I am so so so so so excited! And I get to open my presents from Ben! And hopefully he will love the presents I got him. and then (and I am ridiculously excited about this) I am so calling some of you to wish you Merry Christmas and to hear (if I sent and you got my present) how happy you are!

By the way, I say 'Merry Christmas' because that is the holiday I celebrate. If you don't celebrate Christmas, feel free to wish me a Happy Hannukuh or a Cheerful Solstice or just a Joyful Winter (although that's kinda an oxymoron). I will be delighted just the same. ;-)

I love you all.
♥

YAY! I have some presents done!

maladroitkat -- present already given!
jedibubbles -- present complete & wrapped!
alariya -- b-day present finished and wrapped, christmas present mostly-ready.
aubkabob -- present complete & wrapped & packed to ship!
eternitywaiting -- present complete & wrapped & packed to ship!
-- but listen up, you two -- if you can't wait until at least Christmas Eve to unwrap them, then I'm not sending them until the last minute, and THEN it might be late! So do I have your word that you'll wait?
notashamed -- present complete & wrapped & packed to ship!
ohsaycanyousay -- present wrapped, waiting to be packed to ship.
my eviltwin -- presents bought & wrapped!
shmee_ -- present begun (it's a project!)
boobiequeen -- present bought!
misemifein2 -- present bought and on its way to me to be wrapped and sent! I miss Kate so terribly much! She better get internet next semester!
sunshinepill -- half of present bought.
Rebecca -- nothing yet.
elya -- half-done!
and I have the perfect idea for valynn, but no one seems to be selling it! arrrggh!
Yet to get: scream_baby, valynn, invisibleglue, & the other half of sunshinepill's present.
Still to figure out what to get! You guys are hard!:
presents for whatsarahsaid, kmiotutsie, & darkpool! Please give me ideas!

If I was rich I'd get presents for all of you. You all have my love!

YAY! I have some presents done!

maladroitkat -- present already given!
jedibubbles -- present complete & wrapped!
alariya -- b-day present finished and wrapped, christmas present mostly-ready.
aubkabob -- present complete & wrapped & packed to ship!
eternitywaiting -- present complete & wrapped & packed to ship!
-- but listen up, you two -- if you can't wait until at least Christmas Eve to unwrap them, then I'm not sending them until the last minute, and THEN it might be late! So do I have your word that you'll wait?
notashamed -- present complete & wrapped & packed to ship!
ohsaycanyousay -- present wrapped, waiting to be packed to ship.
my eviltwin -- presents bought & wrapped!
shmee_ -- present begun (it's a project!)
boobiequeen -- present bought!
misemifein2 -- present bought and on its way to me to be wrapped and sent! I miss Kate so terribly much! She better get internet next semester!
sunshinepill -- half of present bought.
Rebecca -- nothing yet.
elya -- half-done!
and I have the perfect idea for valynn, but no one seems to be selling it! arrrggh!
Yet to get: scream_baby, valynn, invisibleglue, & the other half of sunshinepill's present.
Still to figure out what to get! You guys are hard!:
presents for whatsarahsaid, kmiotutsie, & darkpool! Please give me ideas!

If I was rich I'd get presents for all of you. You all have my love!

[Poll #532826]

My collections: My Little Pony petites (the inch-tall ones), tiny porcelain vases and bells, Fairy Winkles & Wee Winkles (obviously I love tiny things), anything that is close to vivid violet, and anything with dragonflies (as long as the dragonflies are fairly realistic, I don't like googly-eyed ones. Dragonfly eyes are NOT lumps on top of their head).

My obsessions: glass (seriously, I find it incredibly fascinating), vivid violet, dragonflies, Angelina Jolie, coffee, beading, reading sci-fi/fantasy (except human-centric sci-fi, I usually find it boring if they don't interact with another species), The Benjamin Gate, Massivivid (sadly little-known but WAY FUCKING AWESOME bands), acid jazz, and, well, LJ. heh. ;-)

And since you told me your favorites, here are mine:

favorite color: vivid violet (shocker, huh?)
favorite band: The Benjamin Gate
favorite music genre: a tie between acid jazz & industrial
favorite number/letter: 11, 13, 8, 2 / K, Y, J, L, V, S, R (all of those are in order!)
favorite actress/actor: Angelina Jolie / Ryan Phillippe
favorite type of food: mexican! Spicy and tomatoey and cheesy, mmmmm.
favorite movie: "Playing By Heart"
favorite book: "Hopscotch" by Julio Cortazar, though "Biting The Sun" by Tanith Lee runs a very close second.
favorite animal: snow leopard & dragonfly

[Poll #532826]

My collections: My Little Pony petites (the inch-tall ones), tiny porcelain vases and bells, Fairy Winkles & Wee Winkles (obviously I love tiny things), anything that is close to vivid violet, and anything with dragonflies (as long as the dragonflies are fairly realistic, I don't like googly-eyed ones. Dragonfly eyes are NOT lumps on top of their head).

My obsessions: glass (seriously, I find it incredibly fascinating), vivid violet, dragonflies, Angelina Jolie, coffee, beading, reading sci-fi/fantasy (except human-centric sci-fi, I usually find it boring if they don't interact with another species), The Benjamin Gate, Massivivid (sadly little-known but WAY FUCKING AWESOME bands), acid jazz, and, well, LJ. heh. ;-)

And since you told me your favorites, here are mine:

favorite color: vivid violet (shocker, huh?)
favorite band: The Benjamin Gate
favorite music genre: a tie between acid jazz & industrial
favorite number/letter: 11, 13, 8, 2 / K, Y, J, L, V, S, R (all of those are in order!)
favorite actress/actor: Angelina Jolie / Ryan Phillippe
favorite type of food: mexican! Spicy and tomatoey and cheesy, mmmmm.
favorite movie: "Playing By Heart"
favorite book: "Hopscotch" by Julio Cortazar, though "Biting The Sun" by Tanith Lee runs a very close second.
favorite animal: snow leopard & dragonfly

I feel incredibly ambivalent about yesterday's post. The first group of responses really surprised me -- I didn't think people would get offended by it, as some seemed to be. The second half made me happy.

Just to clarify -- there is only one person in my life right now that I am ready to offer soul-friendship to, and I'm not sure if she is or not yet, and she's not someone I know purely through LJ. So if you felt that I wanted you to make that kind of commitment to me right now, don't worry, I'm not asking. I don't feel that I have bonded with any of you sufficiently to offer that yet. I think I'd have to meet you in person first, just because I'd need that solidity.

Soul friendships can end, because they are a process for most people, and sometimes one person gets so uncomfortable with that process that they end it, through withdrawing or storming out.

I have had them before, and yes, with each one I asked them to.

My best friend (for years, but no longer) and I had that when I was merely 15... it ended after four years because I discovered that she'd been wearing a mask, unbeknownst to both of us; she wasn't comfortable being nakedly honest with herself and me, which made me no longer comfortable being that with her. Before then though, she was the only person who had never ever judged me, and I will always remember that. That friendship taught me so much... I'm forever grateful to God for setting it up and to Rebecca for living it with me and loving me.

Ben and I began our soul-friendship three years ago. Because his love is so incredible, he stuck through the process (which I had begun to learn with Rebecca and finished learning with Ben), and I think he is now one of the rare ones who is able to give soul-friendship. He's much more cautious than I though. My soul-friendship with Ben taught me to forgive -- not because he did anything really bad, but just because I had never forgiven the right way before. I'd always forgiven begrudgingly, with a string still attached so I could snatch up the grievance if I needed ammo in a fight. I realized I didn't want to do that with Ben, I didn't want to store things in my heart that did nothing but hurt me and him. So I tried forgiving freely, and lo and behold, it demolished a little of my pride and left me vulnerable, but it felt SO damn good, and it wasn't really that hard. When you trust someone, it isn't that hard to forgive them because you don't need to be able to inflict guilt on them. You can just let it go.

I had it for a few short months with my beloved Kaylene -- you have no idea how much I love that girl. The process of trusting, plus a ton of horribly stressful life happenings, caused her to slip out of my life. Yes, it hurt like hell when she left, but since I had learned how to forgive, and because I knew that she left out of fear, not lack of love, I didn't hold a grudge against her. That amazes me really, because it would have demolished me a few years ago and I'd have hated her and never wanted to see her again... now though, I treasure those months when she was my spirit-sister, and I look forward to the time (that I firmly believe will come) when she will be ready. She's such an incredible person, so passionate and just fascinatingly beautiful on the inside. Oh, and when I asked her (I was so nervous I felt like I was asking her to marry me), she said yes, and that she had been considering asking me that but hadn't had the guts. (haha, I just realized that makes me more gutsy than Kaylene! (in one way, anyhow) I'm impressed!)

--------

On a completely unrelated note, my present from clown_frog came in the mail today!!!!!!!! YAY!!! And she wrapped it all pretty in purple, starred paper. (stars are my favorite shape, btw, and I dot my i's with them) It's a geode with a nearly-vivid-violet layer and lavender sparkly crystals on the inside... I'm putting it on my beading desk right in the middle, for inspiration. Thank you, wonderful girl!

And yesterday I got my Massive Attack cd "100th Window" (a present from Ben) in the mail; I've been listening to it nearly non-stop. Last night I set up candles in the bathroom and took a long, long shower, washing my hair and dancing in the water to the sounds of acid jazz. There's nothing sexier than that -- I felt so me (yet tenuously so; the door was locked).

I feel incredibly ambivalent about yesterday's post. The first group of responses really surprised me -- I didn't think people would get offended by it, as some seemed to be. The second half made me happy.

Just to clarify -- there is only one person in my life right now that I am ready to offer soul-friendship to, and I'm not sure if she is or not yet, and she's not someone I know purely through LJ. So if you felt that I wanted you to make that kind of commitment to me right now, don't worry, I'm not asking. I don't feel that I have bonded with any of you sufficiently to offer that yet. I think I'd have to meet you in person first, just because I'd need that solidity.

Soul friendships can end, because they are a process for most people, and sometimes one person gets so uncomfortable with that process that they end it, through withdrawing or storming out.

I have had them before, and yes, with each one I asked them to.

My best friend (for years, but no longer) and I had that when I was merely 15... it ended after four years because I discovered that she'd been wearing a mask, unbeknownst to both of us; she wasn't comfortable being nakedly honest with herself and me, which made me no longer comfortable being that with her. Before then though, she was the only person who had never ever judged me, and I will always remember that. That friendship taught me so much... I'm forever grateful to God for setting it up and to Rebecca for living it with me and loving me.

Ben and I began our soul-friendship three years ago. Because his love is so incredible, he stuck through the process (which I had begun to learn with Rebecca and finished learning with Ben), and I think he is now one of the rare ones who is able to give soul-friendship. He's much more cautious than I though. My soul-friendship with Ben taught me to forgive -- not because he did anything really bad, but just because I had never forgiven the right way before. I'd always forgiven begrudgingly, with a string still attached so I could snatch up the grievance if I needed ammo in a fight. I realized I didn't want to do that with Ben, I didn't want to store things in my heart that did nothing but hurt me and him. So I tried forgiving freely, and lo and behold, it demolished a little of my pride and left me vulnerable, but it felt SO damn good, and it wasn't really that hard. When you trust someone, it isn't that hard to forgive them because you don't need to be able to inflict guilt on them. You can just let it go.

I had it for a few short months with my beloved Kaylene -- you have no idea how much I love that girl. The process of trusting, plus a ton of horribly stressful life happenings, caused her to slip out of my life. Yes, it hurt like hell when she left, but since I had learned how to forgive, and because I knew that she left out of fear, not lack of love, I didn't hold a grudge against her. That amazes me really, because it would have demolished me a few years ago and I'd have hated her and never wanted to see her again... now though, I treasure those months when she was my spirit-sister, and I look forward to the time (that I firmly believe will come) when she will be ready. She's such an incredible person, so passionate and just fascinatingly beautiful on the inside. Oh, and when I asked her (I was so nervous I felt like I was asking her to marry me), she said yes, and that she had been considering asking me that but hadn't had the guts. (haha, I just realized that makes me more gutsy than Kaylene! (in one way, anyhow) I'm impressed!)

--------

On a completely unrelated note, my present from clown_frog came in the mail today!!!!!!!! YAY!!! And she wrapped it all pretty in purple, starred paper. (stars are my favorite shape, btw, and I dot my i's with them) It's a geode with a nearly-vivid-violet layer and lavender sparkly crystals on the inside... I'm putting it on my beading desk right in the middle, for inspiration. Thank you, wonderful girl!

And yesterday I got my Massive Attack cd "100th Window" (a present from Ben) in the mail; I've been listening to it nearly non-stop. Last night I set up candles in the bathroom and took a long, long shower, washing my hair and dancing in the water to the sounds of acid jazz. There's nothing sexier than that -- I felt so me (yet tenuously so; the door was locked).