letter from Danielle & postcard from Vee / curvygirls conflict
I had the bestest day! I got my Supreme Beings of Leisure CD in the mail, AND a beautiful postcard from ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
bluebl00d AND a long letter from boobiequeen!!! Oh that so made my day. ;-) I have the best friends! I can't wait to get enough postcards to actually start my collage. And usually I'm an anticipation person, but I really loved being surprised by Danielle's mail. Thank you Danielle and Vee!
I haven't been very active in my journal the past couple of days because we've had some Drama going on in my community,![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
curvygirls. One member posted a very open, honest expression of how she felt -- that all of the photos of the small curvy girls in the community made her feel uncomfortable. So everyone responded to that, both affirmatively and in disagreement.
Then I posted this, describing my intent for the community.
and then another member decided to post something that I never got to read, because she edited it to say, "nevermind, this isn't changing anything, just causing pointless debate." Judging by the comments from people who had read it, she was commenting ostensibly on 'health' but displayed some serious judgmentalism -- health is not measured by weight, as she ought to know from having read the medical/health articles posted in the community. I had already been irritated with her attitude (she never commented except to say something negative, and seemed very elitist -- go figure) so I was tempted to ban her -- fortunately, she made the decision for me and left. Good riddance, I say. We don't need that kind of behavior, and until she grows up some, she's only bringing negativity.
I really love this community. I've never seen any group of people who are so willing to compromise, to learn and understand and accept others as they are. They respond to negativity by pouring out postitivity; such an amazing beautiful thing. And they're all so gorgeous! Seriously, I wish I could post some photos here to show you. They're stunning.
bluebl00d AND a long letter from boobiequeen!!! Oh that so made my day. ;-) I have the best friends! I can't wait to get enough postcards to actually start my collage. And usually I'm an anticipation person, but I really loved being surprised by Danielle's mail. Thank you Danielle and Vee!I haven't been very active in my journal the past couple of days because we've had some Drama going on in my community,
curvygirls. One member posted a very open, honest expression of how she felt -- that all of the photos of the small curvy girls in the community made her feel uncomfortable. So everyone responded to that, both affirmatively and in disagreement.Then I posted this, describing my intent for the community.
My intent was that this community be for sizes 7-12 (though I never wrote that down) -- but that intent changed. As people joined and posted their photos and stories, I began to realize that healthy curviness also comes in larger and smaller sizes. My perception of healthy curvy beauty shifted. Yes, I'll admit, seeing images of girls who were thinner than me at first made me very uncomfortable, and I wanted to gently shoo them out -- but I didn't, and instead tried to change my perception. I forced myself to see their healthy (though sometimes very subtle) curves, and as I did, I found myself growing more confident in my own curves. I now believe that it is impossible to truly accept yourself as beautiful until you can see beauty in those who are different from you. Then, and only then, can you love the fact that we are all different and you are unique. And it wasn't just the thinner ones that changed my views -- I began to be able to see those who were heavier than me as beautiful too, which was an amazing breakthrough. Since I had always condemned my own supposedly 'unneccessary' curves, I condemned others too -- and as I accepted others I was more able to accept myself.I hope it was enough to convince those who were uncomfortable with the smaller girls to stay.
This community is for all healthy curvy girls, and for those who wish to become healthy. This means that if you are unhealthily underweight or obese to the point where it seriously inhibits health and mobility, as long as you are (however slowly) heading in the direction of healthy curviness, you are wonderfully welcome here. We happily include those who are naturally smaller or larger.
and then another member decided to post something that I never got to read, because she edited it to say, "nevermind, this isn't changing anything, just causing pointless debate." Judging by the comments from people who had read it, she was commenting ostensibly on 'health' but displayed some serious judgmentalism -- health is not measured by weight, as she ought to know from having read the medical/health articles posted in the community. I had already been irritated with her attitude (she never commented except to say something negative, and seemed very elitist -- go figure) so I was tempted to ban her -- fortunately, she made the decision for me and left. Good riddance, I say. We don't need that kind of behavior, and until she grows up some, she's only bringing negativity.
I really love this community. I've never seen any group of people who are so willing to compromise, to learn and understand and accept others as they are. They respond to negativity by pouring out postitivity; such an amazing beautiful thing. And they're all so gorgeous! Seriously, I wish I could post some photos here to show you. They're stunning.
sounds: Supreme Beings Of Leisure: "Nothin' Like Tomorrow"
body image, curvygirls, lj friends, postcard meme
And also, I hope someday I will accept myself they way you accept yourself. You're a beautiful person. Truly.
I really hope you can accept your beauty too. ♥ and thank you.
Mayhaps i'll find the motivation to send you an email about it, or learn to screen my comments and leave you a good one.
But I don't hold any bad feelings against you, so please don't worry about that. *hugs*
Oh and hum I don't think I'll ever be able to accept myself the way I am but it is so wonderful seeing others doing so. It's inspiring.
Then I was wondering if you meant obese like those messed up cards they have at Spencer's with the ladies with tons of rolls (which are probably airbrushed and photoshopped) since I know some idiot troll would take things too far and probably post something like that trying to be funny.
Needless to say I was a bit torn.
Either way, I see where you're coming from. I just wanted to say my piece. I'm not mad at you or anything like that and I left damn near a year ago. This just reminded me that I felt similar to those girls. Other than my own hang up, I thought you attracted a very nice group of pretty people. I still might re-join and post a picture of myself though. If I can ever get my damn camera working.
2. No posting photos of unhealthy or 'enhanced' women. (that means no photos of anorexic, obese to the point where it seriously inhibits health and mobility, or surgery-enhanced women. We understand that those women can be beautiful too, but we're here to celebrate healthy, natural curviness.)
Because yes, I meant women who were SERIOUSLY inhibited by weight. The ones who use the motorized carts at Wal-mart, you know?
Healthy weight really is relative, it differs from person to person. Two people of the exact same age and height and bone structure are not designed to be the same weight! And muscle weighs more than fat, so the healthier of the two could easily weigh more.
But the community was created in June, so you couldn't possibly have left nearly a year ago. hee hee! ;-D
I'd love to have you come back. Oh, and go look at my most recent post, the bellydancing photos! There are some bellydancers who would be categorized as being 'obese' -- but obviously if they bellydance they're healthy enough!
My curves are very petite, and therefore I didn't want to intrude on your community, but reading through the userinfo. and seeing the pictures and what not amazed me all by themselves. What a fantastic community you seem to have set up.
I just find it really funny that some of the girls are uncomfortable with their curves. Funny-ironic, not funny-haha. Not because I can't understand it, because the media is absolutely atrocious with picking apart people's appearances, but because, being 6' and very thin, I've always wanted to have the curves that you guys seem to represent. I've since become very comfortable with myself, but all through high school I was ashamed of having small curves.
I definitely think you should join. ;-) You have some AWESOMELY curvy legs!!
and to the people who check lj at work: get to work, eh? :-)
oh oh, and
They respond to negativity by pouring out postitivity; such an amazing beautiful thing. yes! that is exactly why I love the community so much. It's one of the reasons I love YOU so much.
*runs away because should be working*
lol :-D
(and I feel so extra special 'cause you finished MY letter!!!)
They respond to negativity by pouring out postitivity; such an amazing beautiful thing. yes! that is exactly why I love the community so much. It's one of the reasons I love YOU so much.
awwwww thank you!
I decided to just stay clear of the group since I left. Cold-turkey or something. I don't think I'm cut out for communities. I mentioned "mob mentality" but it's more than that sometimes, it's...I don't know. I'm not thinking coherently enough to explain. Bear with me.
I looked at the community after you made this post. I imagine there's stuff I can't see (friends-locked posts) and maybe that's a good thing. Someone on there made on comment in particular about a girl being "skinny with big boobs" and not curvy. Because apparently she has the right to decide what counts as a curve and what doesn't. And that's the problem.
Your community is a million times better than most. You should be extremely proud. But there are still a lot of cruel, judgmental members. People who make me and people like me feel out of place, or worse. They'd have me think that I'm not "allowed" to have issues with my body because my body is different from theirs. They make girls like me feel bad when we feel good - like we should feel guilty when we're confident, because it further undermines them. But it's not my job to feel like shit to elevate their self-esteem. And I shouldn't be vilified for being the way nature made me any more than they should be.
This is a little ranty. And I'm not blaming you at all, just expressing a bit of relief I guess. The community was good for me to a degree, and from there I just had to go on my own, and that's fine. Like I said, I don't think I'm cut out for communities, I'm not good at constantly staying outwardly focused - sometimes I have to think about me, and self-preservation, and that doesn't do well for a community. I just think there are a few too many members in
Actually, the girl who posted that fit that description and considered herself curvy -- she was talking about another girl who also fit that description and did NOT consider herself curvy. She wasn't judging the other girl as not curvy -- in fact, I think she believes the other girl to be curvy (otherwise she couldn't consider herself curvy: do you see?)
I'd really like it if you'd point out to me what posts/comments seemed hating-on-skinnier-girls, so that I can watch out for them. I haven't seen any myself -- maybe I'm overlooking? I do know that some people have been uncomfortable, but in that hongo long post I basically just told them to try to change their attitude or leave.
I understand that the girl has the right to classify herself however she sees fit. But by saying "To me, she's a skinny girl with big boobs" and that maybe "some people" would describe her as curvy, this girl os saying that she thinks the girl is not curvy. Am I missing something?
You've seen me. You know my body structure. I might not be tall and stick-skinny, but I'm a little closer to "a skinny girl with big boobs" than some girls in
Well... I'll tell her that she is right on the line of 'telling someone that they aren't curvy enough' -- it's a little questionable because the girl being 'judged' seems to agree with the 'judgement,' but all the same I definitely see your point. Thank you for explaining that to me.
The only thing I can think to say is that none of us are perfect, and the majority of the members DO have open minds about curves, or at least are trying to expand their definitions. I'm doing my best to keep judgement out, but I miss things sometimes. Feedback like yours helps me keep a better grip on things.
Incidentally, I'm infinately curious as to who earned this description: I had already been irritated with her attitude (she never commented except to say something negative, and seemed very elitist -- go figure) so I was tempted to ban her -- fortunately, she made the decision for me and left. Namely because someone I had issues with no longer seems to be on the members list. I understand you not wanting to name names and what not, but *wink nudge*magicalgerbil@gmail.com*wink nudge* I sure would like to know. ;-)
awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww thank you love!!!
and *wink nudge* I totally emailed you her username. ;-)
And yeah. I totally get where you're coming from. There are a few people 'round in there who kinda like to force opinions on people, and I just didn't....uh...."get along" with them very well. :-/
anyway, i left the community because i was on dial up and ahh. i have dsl now so ill be joining it again!
yay for DSL and rejoining!
That's all for now.
love ya!
(callllll meeeee pleeeeease?)
I know what you mean about the negative vibes though, but I think those are already evaporating and will be gone soon, having made us a closer group for having survived it.
*head desk*
But other than those little annoyances, I do think
I understand why the other stuff is frustrating, but why is that frustrating?
What's frustrating is when I see comments along the lines of "You should love curvy women for this reason here and none other, THIS is why you should love them not the other reaosns you might think of. I have the true and correct reason for loving curvy women. Your reaosn is the incorrect reaosn for loving them."
Does it make a little more sense now? Granted I've only seen this once or twice but it did annoy me at the time.