I keep daydreaming about last summer, of how I had a sense of queer community for the first time, and actually knew other genderqueer people, and could talk about gender with people (in agreement rather than in argument or explanation -- I value those too but they're not satisfying if that's all I get). I wish I had words to explain it. I need to make it a priority to attend some of the queer events happening in Atlanta, because at this point the lack of consonance is costing me more than the time, effort, and gas to go there.

I did go to my first "pride alliance" meeting at school today, and there were a few souls I thought I might click with one-on-one, but no one presented as genderqueer (which, I know, doesn't necessarily mean anything) and several people had a conversation about being called by the "wrong" pronoun which made me feel very awkward, because I have a lot of thoughts on the subject of pronouns (haha understatement) but couldn't figure out a way to contribute in a way that made sense. It also made me feel a bit sad because objecting to being called the pronoun which is not associated with your physical shape means that it is less likely that those people are genderqueer, and they were a good fourth of the room. I liked the general feel of the group though, and I do plan to go back, but it was not what I had (secretly) hoped for.

I know I'm sorta a broken record on the subject but it's occupying my free mind space lately. Pretty intensely. I was talking to Kyle about it lately -- about how some people have higher priorities than being "out" as queer or genderqueer but I don't, because for me it is like a calling. And that was a new realization for me -- this isn't just one step which, once learned, I will lose passion for. I've already learned it to the level I learned self-love, and it's just become a stronger and stronger force in my life. I'm meant to be a genderqueer catalyst -- it's part of what I need to do with my life.

encouragingly! Kate Bornstein has a new book out! and Christie Elan-Cane is making some headway for genderfree and genderqueer people in the UK. (if you live in the UK and you support those who do not wish to be identified as "m" or "f," please read this) and one family has allowed their transsexual child to choose to delay puberty to allow for easier sex change (please ignore the "this is a MEDICAL CONDITION and it's RARE don't worry you can't catch it" tone) and zir father changed in reaction to this, instead of trying to "fix" zir child. "I learned real change means acceptance—not tolerance—and an acceptance that includes equal rights and freedoms for my daughter as I’d want for her friends. With time my wife would also begin to forgive me for the time when I denied the truth to try to protect my fragile dream. As I changed, I learned a lot from others too. People who were not on board with the needs of our transgender child taught me that changing people’s perception of “normal” was essential, not just for my daughter’s safety, but for the safety of all children that are perceived as different."