Ze swore again and again that ze'd support me financially through the end of February. Today ze made some excuse and declared that ze was not, in fact, going to do so. I cannot express the depth of my revulsion for zir. I would spit in zir face if I weren't afraid ze'd find some way to punish me financially for it -- I wouldn't put it past zir to try and take my car, even though I brought it in to the relationship and it's worthless to zir. Ze is the most dishonorable person I've known. YES, MORE THAN MY DAD. Every. single. promise. ze ever made to me, ze broke (or failed to follow through on, which is the same thing). Here were our vows, every single one of which I kept and every single one of which ze broke:

I take you to be my partner,
one with me in will.
I promise to cherish and encourage your spirit,
to help God defend your soul,
to relentlessly explore the depths of your mind,
and to pleasure your body
with everything God gives me.
I promise to hold you accountable in our relationship with God,
and to seek my own relationship with Him above all else.
I dedicate my love to you forever,
and I promise to trust you no matter the circumstance.
I will be faithful to you in every way,
and commit myself to honesty with you.
I will always forgive you with God's help,
and will repent when I wrong you.
I promise to grow and to help you to grow,
and to seek to serve you all my life.

(yeah, that was when I gendered Deity)

heh, oh how appropriate the music I chose. Some part of me fucking knew and did it anyway. wow. I feel comforted by that. Me and my brave-or-masochistic heart.

Don't hold yourself like that
You'll hurt your knees
I kissed your mouth and back
that's all I need
Don't build your world around
volcanoes melt you down

What I am to you is not real
What I am to you, you do not need
What I am to you is not what you mean to me
You give me miles and miles of mountains
And I'll ask for the sea

This is nothing new
No no just another phase of finding what I really need
Is what makes me bleed