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belenen

April 2021

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Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.

belenen: (heart in my throat)
Aurilion's visit - shimmeringly lovely! / ever-deeper in love / heart-openness / dreaming to process
Aurilion's visit was rainbow-shatteringly, thunderstorm-resoundingly, forest-clappingly pixie-ecstatic! Oh God/dess, there really aren't words. I'm shaking now with the thrill of remembering it. Everything, EVERYTHING, was on fire with joyful pinwheels of color. *deeeeep sigh*



Just one photo for now, but I already went through ALL 400+ photos and edited my favorites for posting. Aurilion hasn't seen the others yet so I am waiting for the CD I shipped zir to arrive before I share any more. *impatient bounce* I may even have a video to share if ze gives me permission :D I'll probably be making several posts describing each day...

I learned so much about Aurilion and fell so much more in love with zir! I learned that ze giggles even more than I do! And I saw zir tiger side -- I hadn't seen it before but wow, ze is fierce, and wild. (and as feline as I am) So creative, so full of faith, so full of joy. And as photogenic as ze is, ze is so much more beautiful in person, with zir glorious spirit shining through. Ze is SO FUCKING BEAUTIFUL. I could not stop gazing at zir -- every single aspect is so perfect, so stunning. And zir touches? God/dess, shiveringly delightful! So gentle and sweet -- I get the taste of honey and the scent of Bastet when I think of zir magic fingertips on my skin. And kisses... oh wow. (I will save that for another post, as it deserves its own)

The visit was only four days (three full days and two halves) but felt like an eternity and a flash. Every moment was so alive with meaning! I noticed after ze left that I was completely drained and exhausted (in a good way), which set me to thinking, and I realized that it was because of our heart-openness. I am very willing to open my heart and I am in the habit of opening it wide at any invitation, but my 'at rest' state is half-open. Aurilion is even more willing to open zir heart and so our mutual invitations kept both of our hearts wide-open the whole visit. I'm not used to having my heart wide-open for such a long stretch at a time, so by the end I was overwhelmed. (Aurilion was too, but not quite as much I don't think, as zir heart's 'at rest' state seems to be 3/4ths open, so it wasn't quite as much of a stretch) I'm amazed that ze can live so heart-open -- ze inspired me so much the whole visit! I've been in a resting-state from the intense growth of this experience, which is why I didn't post this sooner -- even though I was yearning to express it! I needed time to gather myself and process things.

I also realized that I have a rather unique way of processing things -- through dreams. Yes, I know that technically everyone does this, but for me it is a very active experience. I don't lucid-dream, but I actively meditate on and learn from my dreams. If I don't get enough dream-time (most of which occurs after 7 hours of sleep, for me) when in a period of growth, I start feeling confused and frustrated -- I need to dream. So I have spent a lot of time dreaming the past two days, and now I feel like I am taking all these new jewels of wisdom-love and setting them into the complex design that is my Self.


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I'm glad you had such a fantastic time together! :)
thank you! :D
I was thinking about you two throughout the weekend, hoping that you were having a fantastic time. I'm glad you did! I'm so happy for the both of you!
aww, yay! thank you!
(Anonymous)
awww yay! and yes, we are a perfect match :D it is delightful to feel our amazing connection! and I cannot believe I am seeing Hannah so soon! It makes me wonder what sort of person I am going to be on the other side -- how can anyone stand so much joy? *giggles*
This made me burst into laughter. hee
This entry is soooooo happy and wonderful, it put such a grin on my face!! I am SO happy for you, darlin'!! :) *LOVE*
awww yay! thank you! *hugs!*
This post made me glowglowglow!

I was wondering why I didn't need a break to process through stuff as much as you did - you're right, my heart is very open!

I love you, sweet lover, I love you.

And YAYAYAYAYA for seeing Hannah soon! I can't wait to hear how that goes.

Yep, dreams are very important to you, most definitely. I think breathing and simply letting things pass through is what's most important to me, always embracing and letting them go, because then whatever I need is always there!
*glows with you!*

well, it wasn't so much that I needed a break, as it was that quietness and dreaming is my way of processing, as talking and giggling is yours ;-) But yes, I think it was a bit more of a stretch for me, as I think your heart is more open than mine when at rest. I think that is wonderful and I am learning so much from you! Having a wide-open heart for four days without ceasing was an incredible experience.

I can't believe I'm seeing zir in 15 days omg!
oh you used that icon! *kisses your shoulder*

mmm I used to be that way. sit in a corner and read or write, yep.

mmm I can't wait to see you again.

YES!!!!!!
the experience that I've had the past few days is quite active (even if it doesn't sound it ;-)) -- not so much withdrawing, but simply creating a nest of peace in which to weave my new jewels of wisdom together. ;-)

I cannot wait to see you again either! Oh love...
oh i know love, i know.

"but simply creating a nest of peace in which to weave my new jewels of wisdom together. ;-)"

this is beautiful and I hear you, most definitely.

*glows open* so in love with you!
I'm glad it went so well for both of you; kept you both close to heart. Nankurunaisa.
♥ thank you love!

and maybe, live through yesterday for the sake of today :D
=)! It's awesome that you two had such an amazing experience together
yes it is! :D
it's so happy and good to know the two of you. you glow together <3

i savour your words 'cause they softly open my heart, as well
awwwwww ♥ oh Sarah, you are woooooonderful ♥ *loves!* We both are so very fond of you!
That is such a lovely photograph of the two of you, the happiness and love radiates out of my screen and makes me smile.
eeeee! it makes me smile too! :D
What a wonderful sounding visit you both had! That is a beautiful photo of you both, you both look so happy.
oh yes! thank you! :D
How very wonderful for two such amazing people to have found each other!
♥ thank you so much!
I'm glad you had such a wonderful time!
thank you! :D
What a beautiful post. :)
I hope you don't mind me commenting on your journal. I'm a friend of Nea's and I see your comments all the time over at her space. So came over out of curiosity and fell in love with everything I saw. :)
yaaaay! I was anxiously awaiting hearing from you. :) glad to hear everything went wonderfully, and can't wait to see the other photos!
*giggles* YAY!!! :D
The way you describe her I think I'm in love with zir too! omg!! hehe

I'm glad you had a wonderful time (I know... big understatement). It's great to see this wonderful change in you.
awwwww! :D *giggles*

thank you so much! *hugs!*
oh bel, this was so wonderful to read, I've been painfully curious for so long and I'm so excited to read the rest.

That photo? awe-ing. First of all how gorgeous are you both?! You look like such fae here and you fit together so well. I can tell you energies were in alignment ^^ Your eyes, your lips, you cute noses, eeee. You look so truly happy and it is catching, when I stare at this photo, my heart beats faster and a smile starts to stretch itself across my cheeks.

I'm so proud of you for going through all those photos, it must have been an intense experience. I think as crazily exhausting as all the photo editing is, it's important to process and share the joy of this before you come to Scotland to visit.. I'd be quite worried for you if you hadn't. Look after yourself okay sweetie? Let us know if you need help or to be soothed.

Gosh, it sounds like you had a delicious time. The heart open thing.. I can feel that so well. I'm so glad you got to be open hearted with Aurilion, gosh, open hearted sharing love is so beautiful and nourishing isn't it?

I'm so glad you worked out that you process things through dreaming. That seems like a huge realization *leaps for joy for you*

Haha, I feel such compersion about you guys. Seriously, you make me so happy. I totally need an icon that represents that feeling for me, will have to look for one.

I want us all to hang out damn it. I have daily day dreams about it. We must make Christmas happen?

14 short days my baby ;-) can you believe it?

I can't wait to hear more about [livejournal.com profile] aurilion's trip!!
awwwwwwwww!!! (yay for another long comment!)

thank you so much for saying that it is important to process and that you understand the need of it ♥ that means a LOT to me!

YAY for compersion!!!

yes, Christmas must happen *nods firmly*

I cannot wait! :D
You two have the same eyes. Kindred souls, anyone?

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