White men: we need you to start talking to other white men when they cause you pain. Only you are able & responsible to teach them empathy.

Note: do not complain to them about how some oppressed person hurt you; this only reinforces their dys-empathy. And do not talk about your pain to oppressed people without permission. We are forced to do too much emotional caretaking already.

On the other hand, IF you have permission, talking about the pain of your oppressed friend/love/family member in a sympathetic way to another white man is also effective. For instance, responding to a rape joke by talking about how your friend was raped and has ptsd and how it affects their life. Make SURE you have permission for this, else you are violating your friend's confidence. I give permission for anything I have shared publicly to be shared again, but this is not true for anyone but me!