I've recently changed my work schedule to hopefully have more time to rest and write in a day. I find it immensely difficult to switch contexts, to the point that when I am out I never really want to go home and when I am home I don't want to go out. When I am working I don't want to stop and this makes it very difficult to stop to eat, and sometimes I will endure an aching bladder for hours rather than go to the bathroom, because I just hate context-switching so much. I can't explain it and I can't control it.

So a 30 minute lunch was really a terrible idea for me, considering that it is a definite interruption but not enough time to do anything that involves focus. And each day of the week going to work takes more energy than the last. My Friday afternoons I could hardly talk, even to Topaz. So I have front-loaded my week so that I work longer days monday and tuesday, then shorter days the rest of the week, with an hour lunch each day.

I am writing on my lunch break at work right now.  I haven't yet adjusted to the difference in traffic so today was the first time I managed to be actually here before my start time. But if I can push myself to be very strict about leaving on time, this will be the best. I am in sort of a writing mindset when I am at work so I think I can use my lunch to read or write on lj, and 5 hours a week is way better than the zero hours that I was doing for weeks. I know you are probably sick of hearing all my good intentions followed by weeks of silence, but here I am trying again.

I've been thinking a lot about my living situation lately. I was trying to find a new place which was pretty much impossible with my parameters, and even if I found something that fit them, I would have no extra at all. And the main reason I wanted to move (besides hating my neighbors who harass me) was because I thought people might make more of an effort to be my friend if I live in a 'cool' place. But there is no reason to think that's true. Maybe everyone just uses the distance as an excuse. And the few friends who regularly make an effort don't live in the 'cool' places anyway.

I'm now leaning towards staying here until Kanika dies of old age or I am able to buy a house, whichever happens first. I'm guessing 5 years, because it will take at least 2 to even gather a down payment. I don't want to move Kanika more than one more time, because she loves it here and I would hate to take her from happy and free to forever cooped up in a tiny apartment or worse, bedroom.

So as a sort of experiment, I am going to invest in this house again. I had been really avoidant of everything about it because I kept thinking I was gonna leave in a month. I just bought myself a set of wire cubes and cloth baskets to help me make my closet usable, and just finally cleared out a MASSIVE hoard of recycling (with my friend Sande's help). I'm gonna see if I can make it feel like a home.