I still feel overwhelmed... everyone who is closest to my heart is going through world-shattering things, and I want so much to be there for each of them, but... Hannah lives an ocean away, what can I do? I try but I know all the words in the world can never give as much as a truefelt hug, and that I am cruelly unable to do. Alariya I can be there for, and I do, but all I can do is alleviate a little of the pain and offer her a glimpse of the light in the future -- this is a battle that she must fight within herself. My wonderful Jalshammon (Ben), is starting to live consciously, starting to be more open, and that gives me such hope and pain at the same time because I'd gotten used to living without much sharing in our relationship and seeing this thing I hadn't dared to dream of come within sight, I realize how much I want and need that and how much it hurts that I haven't yet had it. That's a post of its own.

Work is infuriating (and I bite my temper but I know my face shows it), but I finally got my schedule turned in the proper way (a week and a half ago I turned it in but I did it wrong), so it will change soon and I think I will be able to handle the CSMs if I don't have to deal with them so often. In the meantime I'll be looking elsewhere. Still don't have a phone yet.

I haven't been spending much of my energy on myself, just giving out out out and I know I need to be kinder to myself but it's hard... especially since most of my subsconscious energy is spent worrying about Hannah, how can I think of my things when she is suffering so? It's horrible having nothing to offer when my soulfriend is in such need.

I need someone to just hold me and pet my hair and listen to me pour out feelings -- never speaking, just silently loving. I need... rest. yes, I need rest so much. I need a safe place to lay down and feel negativity wash from me with streams of music. I need to be refilled, I feel like I've been pouring endlessly lately and I can actually handle spending that energy (!) but even so I need rest.

was thinking about including music recomendations more often in my LJ, which would interest you more? If you don't care either way, please don't respond.
[Poll #839047]

Recently the song of my life has been Speak To Me by Olive.
speak to me // nothing will help more than your honesty
give to me // knowledge that I can show some sympathy