Spent time with alariya; we went to my favorite restaurant and just ate chips and dip, and left a $3 tip for a $7.35 meal. ;-) We talked, enjoying each other's presence. It had been a while since we spent time together. She's in a very transitory period in her life, moving and changing jobs and learning to be herself -- it's quite a load on her shoulders, but she's strong enough, she'll get through. Sometimes I don't know what to say to her, how to help her. The problem is, a lot of what she has to do is inner struggles, and I can't help with those. I can just... offer support and share my experience.

We watched Foxfire, which she loved. I was struck again by the power of that movie. I feel like I am a Maddie without Legs... I want someone to burst into my life in a flare of color and inspire me to stretch. It gets really boring (and lonely) stretching yourself... I know how Legs felt when Maddie didn't go with her, I know that aloneness. I can understand Legs' character better than any of the others, I just can't be her, not yet, because I haven't stretched enough, or not in the right way. That fearless fire!

I'm going to get that tattoo, but I want to get it for myself only. I don't want to share it. I want to get it to symbolize my own fire, my own glowing self, my fearlessness. Me. Because really, I am Legs. I just haven't had all the calalysts in my life, I have the fuel but not the spark. But the spark will come.