My gender can be summed up in one word: No.

I identify as genderfree. What that means is that I don't want any gender on me; I don't want any of my behaviors, hobbies, attitudes, clothes, ANYTHING to be viewed through a gender lens. I know most people don't have the skill to put their gender lens down, so I accept that most people are just not going to understand me.

My sex identity is more complicated. I was assigned female at birth and I think most people would guess me to be female from my physical form, but I experience myself as intersex (note: I do not identify as intersex because I do not have the experiences of people with bodies which are physically intersex). When I have sex, it is sometimes with my vulva and sometimes with my cock* and sometimes with both, and I no longer desire to have sex with people who can't accept all my parts (including the non-physical and non-bodily ones). I don't think there even is a surgery that would create the external body to match my internal, and I'm wary of putting extra growth hormones into my body (the things called 'sex hormones' have many purposes in every body so 'sex hormone' is misleading and 'female/male hormones' is flat-out incorrect), so I do not think I will transition even if that were an option for me (and I'm pretty sure I'd be labeled as some flavor of 'crazy' and not allowed to form my own course of transition). Had I been born with testes, I would have them removed but I think that is all the transition I would do. I would wear much the same clothes that I do now, because I wear them for color and comfort not for gender/sex identity.

I usually describe myself as trans, because that explains that my gender and/or sex are different from my assignment, which is all that's really relevant to people I'm not having sex with.

I prefer gender-neutral pronouns (ze/zir/zirs or they/them/theirs or whatever you're used to) but for me (and this is unusual for trans people so don't take me as an example!) I want people to talk about me how they see me. I'd prefer for people to see me without gender, but if they see me as gendered I want to know. I do not get offended when people refer to me as 'she' but I feel most respected and seen when people refer to me in gender-neutral terms.

*I have an energetic/'spiritual' cock which I have sex with. I think being able to literally physically feel people touch my cock and penetrate people with it and orgasm with it makes it so that I don't feel such a need to transition as I might otherwise feel.

(this is a response to a prompt from Camellia)

prosphoros prompted me to write about how I do energy work/play.

I learned intuitively for the most part, by simply experimenting. The first time I experienced energy work in a deliberate, significant way (I'd tried little bits before), it was when Kylei had an interaction with a person who formed a negative energy connection. ( the background, and description of how the first experience felt )

So when I did this first energy cleansing, I had Kylei lay down, and I hovered my hands about an inch above zir and passed them over every spot to see what I felt. Then if I felt something negative, I used energy to pull it out. Sometimes it felt like a dust cloud and sometimes like an object. I would pull it out with my hands in what looks like pantomime, then fling it away and shake my hands clean. After I got all the things out that didn't belong, I ran my hands over zir again and where I felt an emptiness I poured energy in, breathing it in from the universe and letting it go out of my hands (instead of using my own energy, which I had done previously and knew was a Bad Idea). This is how I do energy work now, for the most part, but I haven't done a full cleansing in a long time, just little bits here and there. The most powerful things about this experience were that it worked and made us feel way better, and even more significant, we had the same physical sensations at the same time, for non-physical events.

I did a lot of energy work with Kylei over time, but almost exclusively on energetic/emotional things. The times I've used energy work for physical healing are few and far between. The first was accidental, when I was giving my mom a backrub and afterward ze asked if I was using a heat pack because of the energy that was coming out of my hands (this was when I first realized I could do this, but I was afraid it would never happen again so I didn't try for a long time). The first time I realized that it was more than just heat was when Abby felt a migraine coming and ze lay down while I ran my hands over zir head and felt what seemed like static, and I did a little bit of pulling but mostly I just ran cool soothing water energy over the static to calm it -- and it stopped the migraine from coming which Abby said had never happened to zir once it got to the point it had been (which was where vision was going out), even with powerful medications. I've since helped Topaz with zir migraines, though not quite as dramatically. I think my fear that it won't work again gets in the way, but when I'm first trying it I'm open to any possibility. I really need more practice so that I lose that fear.

Energy play is mostly a sexual thing for me, though that's just circumstantial because I haven't had local people who are motivated and able to do energy play that is nonsexual. Sexual energy play is just a part of how I have sex; I'd say at least half of the time I need for sex to contain energy play or I will feel a lack of nourishment and lose interest. This involves things like people touching my chakras, spinning them, connecting them with their own, entering them (or vice versa), pouring energy into them, etc. One of the most intense sexual experiences I've had involved me penetrating someone's heart chakra with my sacral chakra. I experience my chakras as being tubes that run through my body, with openings on both sides, and energy can flow out through them in a concentrated form. This makes about 80billion possible combinations which is fascinating because they all feel different.

Sexual energy play is also essential to me because of my identity as a trans person. ( I'm very sensitive about this so I don't want any doubting or playful comments on it )

Other kinds of energy work I do are the oneness blessing, card readings (which I do by shuffling while mentally asking the deck to give me "a card to tell [person] what they need to [whatever]" and then drawing, looking at the card to see what sticks out and tells me something intuitively), shielding (when I deliberately put a block to keep someone from harming me energetically), cleansing objects (same method as for people), calming animals (feeling-broadcasting 'calm, relax' emotion at them strongly), cleansing places (using a sistrum I made for this purpose, incense, and speaking positive words), and connecting (with plants, mostly, sometimes people: I close my eyes and try to match their breath, their energetic speed, so that I can put my energy next to theirs and feel them more fully).

Despite constant assumptions, I am not femme or butch or "feminine" or "masculine" or "not-feminine" or "not-masculine" and I find being categorized like that to be infuriating. I'm genderfree: don't assign me a gender especially not via my self-covering/decoration. Don't assume I'm "presenting" a gender just because you associate something about my appearance with gender markers. My bright colors mean I like fucking bright colors okay. My skirt means I like air around my legs and crotch. My bra means I don't like my nipples to brush up against things unless I'm being sexual. My cleavage-y sleeveless shirt means I get overheated if there is too much fabric on my top half. My jewelry means I love glass and color and wearing art that I make. My makeup means I love color and painting myself. My tennis shoes mean that I like cushion under my feet and a sturdy base with less chance of twisting my ankle. My mismatched socks mean that I dislike fashion rules. My body hair means the same thing my skin and bones mean -- I'm a human being. My haircut means I like air on my scalp and the ability to braid/clip/twist/pull my hair. My unsquished unsculpted body means I'm fat and I like it. My glittergoatee means that I like glitter and I think a goatee belongs on my face. NONE of my appearance is about gender.

And while I'm at it, I'm sick of the fetishistic privileging of masculinity in queer culture. The 'androgynous' uniform I usually see is just an outfit that doesn't contain 'femme' elements except maybe a TINY bit more cling and accessory than average 'masculine' attire. We've moved from centering gender-conformity to centering 'masculine'-conformity; not an improvement. Now there is even less variety. DOWN WITH QUEER DRESS CODE.