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no subject
Date: 2018-07-31 06:33 pm (UTC)I'm lucky that this wasn't the case for me. When I had Z, I still had no concept of being truly loved. It had been abusive childhood into abusive marriage. It's I think, subconsciously, why I was so worried about being a parent, why I was convinced I'd be such a lousy one and wouldn't be able to bond with my child. When you've only been shown shallow excuses for love, even if you think that's all you can hope for, you worry you can't know how to offer real love, either. Because it's easy to believe YOU deserve no better, but that others, especially your children, do.
It makes me wonder if I offered real love to those who offered me abusive excuses for love in return. Was I practiced in giving and not receiving? Or had I never even given it before Z? It's weird to think about.