i learned recentlyish that my father's father was extremely abusive to everyone, especially him, since he was the eldest out of 9 kids. i heard that my grandfather would openly cheat on my grandmother, and my grandmother wasn't in the grave 10 min when my grandfather said "welp, anyone wanna go out with me?" i've heard conflicting stories my whole life about my parents, what one thinks of the other, what one's take was on things that happened. because of being physically abused as a child, my dad vowed to never hit anyone, ever. unfortunately, he did with words instead. my mother wishes he were dead. he was my shining star as a child, but that may be more because he let me do and have whatever i wanted, whenever i wanted it, and since my mother was poor, she couldn't provide such spoils for me. my father has never been good at displaying emotion at ALL, so he would display his love for me by giving me money or buying me things.

a large part of me wants to forge a better relationship with my father before he passes, maybe because i want to understand the WHY's.