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no subject
Date: 2005-03-06 10:12 pm (UTC)Our brain works on associations. It is a neural network and creates pattern recognitions for everything.
This is why, although I agree with spanking children in certain cases (better a little pain than little johnny dead in the road courtesy of bouncing ball and passing car). But I adhere to the concept of building associations within children. Don't use your hand to spank, instead have a belt, a magazine, a glove (to at least cover your hand). This way the hand (which is how one often shows their love and affection via touch) is not associated in the mind with the spankings. Make sense...?
Now you are probably wondering why I mention this or how it's even relevant to your post. Well, I was thinking about the issue of touch that you expressed with Ben. Both needing his touch, even desiring intimate contact and comfort. But at the same time being uncomfortable with the touch and the associations. And how any male touch, even good touch had associative ties. And I was thinking how could you disassociate such touches.
i don't know if this would help....but try to find an object, something soft or such. Something like a small stuffed animal. Preferbly one you don't like and find hideous, ugly, poorly colored, etc.
Then in your mind think of this object being associated with the bad memories. This allows you to objectify the feelings. And give them a physical form so to say. This way you associate all the horrible touches to your holding this object. It's an attempt to re-wire the patterns in the brain to create a new association in hopes of breaking it from the global association of touch. Hopefully, this will allow you to seperate out the horrors and diminunize them. Then, also hopefully allow you to receive touch. Because you re-associate them with your holding this object. So the only contact they have with you is you holding them in your hands. Hopefully this will allow you to be touched, comforted, etc. elsewhere....simply hugged even. Now, afterwards, it may take sometime until you can show, express love during said state via your hands. But as you heal that should pass. And I think Ben loves you enough to understand such for a season.
Seperate the "love" from the "punishment"....
((((HUGS)))