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no subject
Date: 2009-06-03 12:53 am (UTC)Example: when I was in highschool, I was a member of a church that kindof fit me and a youth group that SO didn't. I wanted to know what was truth; for the most part, the rest of the group wanted to know what was in style. One year, we got a new guy, younger than most of us, but painfully bright and not very socially savvy. Didn't grok unspoken cues; didn't take hints. Asperger's can do interesting things to how a person processes interactions. I took to him, though, because he asked questions like, "When you dream, what are the camera angles?" and he had the same memory for comedians that I have for musicians. Finally a kindred spirit! So the social stuff, I tried to fill him in on like an anthropologist ("Generally when folk make W face or say X, they mean Y, and Z is what keeps them from saying it plainly or out loud. Except when it's something else. But Z's a safe bet. If you ask what their Z is, they might actually tell you; they might not. Either way, data."), and we got through group things together. Less alone.
Still, there was teasing and nastiness from some of the other kids. And one morning, before we left for some mission-type adventure, I waited till my friend had left the room and cornered the folk who'd been bugging him. "Hey guys? How about giving Rob a bit less grief, huh?"
"But he's such a little nerd. He's so clueless."
"Yeah, and you harassing him isn't doing much to give him a clue."
"But it's fun!"
"For you. Look. You guys want to do something besides flip burgers for a living once you grow up?"
"...Yeah."
"Yeah. Tell me, what do you think Bill Gates was like as a kid?"
Silence.
"Think you might want to reconsider the way you treat cats like Rob? 'Cause they might well the ones signing your paychecks someday."
Best way to handle it? Maybe not. Intimidation and appeals to self-interest are base. But effective. They laid off of him, started actually listening when he spoke, and life got easier.
)O(
Jay Smooth at illdoctrine.com posted a video a little while ago about addressing the action instead of the mindset when confronting a prejudice (http://www.illdoctrine.com/2008/07/how_to_tell_people_they_sound.html), since addressing the mindset tends to send folk off on a defensive spin, derailing the whole conversation. Good stuff.