openmindedness / 'lolita' and molestation
I've posted this twice before, I think... now it has altered slightly, and it seems like a good time to repost.
open-mindedness is NOT:
----having no opinions of your own but agreeing with everyone else's
----agreeing with whatever is most liberal at the time
----having liberal or unpopular opinions which you do not permit to change
----allowing your opinions to be swayed once in a blue moon
----forming opinions based on one point of view
----having no guidelines for what you wish to saturate your mind with
openmindedness IS:
forming opinions based on a fair assessment of several differing points of view -- and then allowing your opinions to change upon learning new, convincing information.
Thus, to be openminded you MUST:
----be willing to research several differing points of view before forming an opinion
----be willing to have an unpopular opinion
----be willing to alter your perception of reality
----believe that what is true for yourself may not be true for others
(based on these principles, this list will be altered as I think on it more. Feel free to share your own ideas)
I have been accused of being closed-minded for not wanting to read the book 'Lolita' or hear anything about it, which I find utterly ridiculous. I have personal experience with incestual sexual abuse, and reading that book would certainly not 'expand my mind' or tell me anything I don't already know. I know the excuses victimizers make to themselves -- I've heard it all firsthand. It might, MIGHT, have some use for someone who has never experienced sexual abuse, because it might open their mind to what molestation does and the devastation it causes in both victim and victimizer (although I am quite convinced that there are far better ways of learning that information), and if they had never experienced it, perhaps it wouldn't have a negative effect on them by triggering memories. It has absolutely no positive use for me. None. And that means that I am not 'open-minded' by the standards of those who think that one should allow everyone else's opinion to sway them, which is fine with me. Just because YOU think it would give me a new perspective doesn't mean it would. I have had enough sexual abuse in my life and I don't need to go seeking out a vicarious method of experiencing it, even if it it phrased prettily; if I want to read pretty phrasing, I will read poetry about something other than molestation.
We are all responsible for what we allow to influence us; for that reason, I do not saturate my mind with just anything.
open-mindedness is NOT:
----having no opinions of your own but agreeing with everyone else's
----agreeing with whatever is most liberal at the time
----having liberal or unpopular opinions which you do not permit to change
----allowing your opinions to be swayed once in a blue moon
----forming opinions based on one point of view
----having no guidelines for what you wish to saturate your mind with
openmindedness IS:
forming opinions based on a fair assessment of several differing points of view -- and then allowing your opinions to change upon learning new, convincing information.
Thus, to be openminded you MUST:
----be willing to research several differing points of view before forming an opinion
----be willing to have an unpopular opinion
----be willing to alter your perception of reality
----believe that what is true for yourself may not be true for others
(based on these principles, this list will be altered as I think on it more. Feel free to share your own ideas)
I have been accused of being closed-minded for not wanting to read the book 'Lolita' or hear anything about it, which I find utterly ridiculous. I have personal experience with incestual sexual abuse, and reading that book would certainly not 'expand my mind' or tell me anything I don't already know. I know the excuses victimizers make to themselves -- I've heard it all firsthand. It might, MIGHT, have some use for someone who has never experienced sexual abuse, because it might open their mind to what molestation does and the devastation it causes in both victim and victimizer (although I am quite convinced that there are far better ways of learning that information), and if they had never experienced it, perhaps it wouldn't have a negative effect on them by triggering memories. It has absolutely no positive use for me. None. And that means that I am not 'open-minded' by the standards of those who think that one should allow everyone else's opinion to sway them, which is fine with me. Just because YOU think it would give me a new perspective doesn't mean it would. I have had enough sexual abuse in my life and I don't need to go seeking out a vicarious method of experiencing it, even if it it phrased prettily; if I want to read pretty phrasing, I will read poetry about something other than molestation.
We are all responsible for what we allow to influence us; for that reason, I do not saturate my mind with just anything.
Well, I can recognize that sexual abuse affects a person on many levels so it doesn't seem far fetched that it's worse/harder to deal with. But nonetheless is treatment of that issue really that different from others? I might look into it if I have the oppurtunity, alas that it was just when we were getting to diagnosis and treatment in school that I dropped out otherwise I might have learned about such things already and had something better to say.
Anyway I can't remember if I said it before but I do really respect your efforts in dealing with your past I am just... Harsh? Critical? All or nothing? Pushing things to the edge? Something like that. Ah "forceful" was the word I was looking for in particular. Anyway I'm sorry about that but the world is a weird place so even people like me have a time and a place sometimes. Perhaps moreso the way I deal with things is different from others and I seem to have forgotten that not many people can handle living the way that I REALLY do (as opposed to how I say I do or seem to, that's less about intentional deception than how hard it is for me to convey certain things).
Alright well I'd better go to bed and actually I'd imagine that you should too so let me wish you pleasant dreams. Also if it is not too much to ask I would appreciate it if you said a prayer for me since I seem to be losing sight of god and frankly everything else right now. I'm not sure if you've kept up with my journal lately but I'm waiting for the results of a biopsy on my mouth to tell me if I have cancer there or not (meh I didn't even think about the fact that I could still have it somewhere else until now... damn). And even if I don't the benign disease I have there is more or less incurable (I think it can go away on it's own and also go dormant but there's nothing that can get it to go away without causing worse problems) so the threat will always be hanging directly over me...
Anyway as a result of that I'm in total chaos right now trying to live without hesitation (which I can imagine being a source of pain for others) because when I look back on my life all I see is myself in my parents' basement and I want to accomplish SOMETHING before I do die whether it's tomorrow or next year or 90 years from now.
Oh having brought that up, what do you think a person should try to accomplish in life? I haven't come up with an answer yet, I don't think there's a single right answer or perhaps even any wrong ones, I'm just trying to get other people's opinions so I can come up with one of my own. I think that's an important question to be able to answer so if I can at least do that...